The Problem With Men Today Isn’t Toxic Masculinity, It’s Passivity

  
Via:  vic-eldred  •  10 months ago  •  50 comments

The Problem With Men Today Isn’t Toxic Masculinity, It’s Passivity
Most women will never meet a truly ‘toxic male,’ whatever that might be. The problem with the guys they come across is the exact opposite. They don’t approach with any intentions.

S E E D E D   C O N T E N T


The Problem With Men Today Isnât Toxic Masculinity, Itâs Passivity

At lunch with some colleagues the other day, some of the women—ladies in their 20s—were discussing how rare it is for men their age to step up, approach any feminine peers, and ask for a date, much less show any interest that could be seen as a move toward romance.

I asked them a half serious, half facetious question: “Isn’t it true that in this age of toxic masculinity and the Me Too movement that your problem is exactly the opposite—young men approaching you regularly and just taking what they want?” Their reaction? Eyes. Rolled.

They said the problem with masculinity today is not toxicity, but passivity. Full Stop. Yes, they recognize some men, a minute sliver actually, are apprentice Harvey Weinsteins. But real Weinsteins are generally older men who live in a whole other world, those who possess great professional or reputational power over others: movie producers, sport figures, television personalities, CEOs, university professors, and politicians.

Those sorts and most ladies don’t run in such circles. They are nearly never the guy next door or the one over the cubicle wall. Most women will never meet a truly “toxic male,” whatever that might be. The problem with the guys they come across is the exact opposite. They don’t approach with any intentions.

This has only gotten worse as more young men have fallen head-over-heels in love with the screens that deliver their daily dose of “Fortnite” and porn. It’s not that they’ve lost the ability to engage with an actual, living, breathing woman. Few ever developed such skills. The social opportunities open to women today are making them better catches and thus increasingly intimidating to too many young adult males, who approximate a mole. They live underground in the dark, seldom experiencing fresh air and actual sunshine upon their faces, and scrounge for anything close by that they can eat.

Men Are Prone to Passivity


It’s passivity, not toxicity, that is the real male problem today. Ask any young woman how she vets all the nice young men who approach to decide who will advance to the bonus round of an actual date. She will ask if you rewind your VHS tapes before returning them to Blockbuster, or just pay the fee.

It is vital that we understand passivity, as well as toxicity, as a male problem rather than a masculine problem. The two things are as different as night and day. Being a male is merely being born with certain body parts, XY chromosomes and learning how to live as such. It is not nothing, to be sure, but it is not more than it is. That much is just biology.

Masculinity, however, is totally different. It is not a biological thing, but a virtue that men must learn and demonstrate. This is why the term “toxic masculinity” is an oxymoron. Masculinity, properly understood, is a social good and necessity. Curiously, it’s not even uniquely male per se.

Harvey Mansfield, the esteemed Harvard political philosopher, wrote a book more than a decade ago entitled “Manliness.” (Mansfield was Jordan Peterson before Jordan Peterson was Jordan Peterson!) The first three lines of his book are as crisp and to the point as they are correct. He greets his reader with this: “This book is about manliness. What is that? It’s best to start from examples we know… Margaret Thatcher.”

Masculinity Is a Character Trait, Not a Biological Feature


Let me say it again: masculinity is a character quality that by its very substance cannot be toxic, and it is not natural to men or anyone else. It is a learned behavior that exists only in behavior. It requires demonstration, and we know it when we see it. It is the opposite of passivity, which we also know when we see it. Masculinity is a quality of character that all men must learn and strive for, for it is acquired.

Women like Thatcher can indeed show distinct masculine qualities. No one would deny Jeannie Leavitt’s masculine qualities. She is the U.S. Air Force’s first female fighter pilot, the first woman to command a USAF combat fighter wing, and a brigadier general. She’s a wife and mother, and all woman. She’s unapologetically feminine, while tougher than Clint Eastwood and Chuck Norris combined. But no woman requires such qualities to be a real woman.

Being a female who can legitimately demonstrate masculine qualities does not include the, pardon me for putting it this way, “butch” woman. That kind of woman is resisting her femininity, her nature, and trying to be something she can never authentically be.

Of course, no woman requires masculine qualities, or anything close, to be a real woman. She is totally legitimate in her femininity. What else in humanity is more legitimate in and of itself? Unlike masculinity, femininity does not require demonstration. It exists most strongly in a woman’s essence. And, ladies, that’s the most powerful force in the world. Any good man knows this, but that is a whole other article.

True Masculinity Is a Desirable Trait


Back to the average single woman. She finally has a blind date coming up. She asks her friends who set it up what he’s like. They say, “Well, he’s masculine.” No woman responds, “Is he getting help for that?” She is intrigued by that, and not because she’s some swooning school-girl who doesn’t know any better.


Masculinity is not a character flaw. It is something we would wish every young man possessed if we can just forget for one moment the false tags elites tell us about such things. If the potential date could be described as “macho,” her girlfriends wouldn’t have set her up with him in the first place. We all know these two things are totally different.

The masculine male does the right thing, at the right time, in the right way, for the right reasons. He doesn’t shrink away. He steps up. Even the boy who acts masculine is demonstrating himself as a man. Mansfield explains to us that, “Manliness brings change or restores order at moments when routine is not enough, when the plan fails, when the whole idea of rational control by modern science develops a leak.”

I love his next line, for it says nearly everything about masculinity anyone needs to know: “Manliness is the next-to-last resort, before resignation and prayer… A manly man asserts himself so that he and the justice he demands are not overlooked.” Masculinity is the right action at the right time in the right way. It responds.

This is true of those great men who leapt to action without a moment’s notice on the fateful day of 9/11. Gender equity among the rescuers was on no one’s mind. It would have sounded ridiculous beyond imagination if anyone had called for it or complained about its absence.

We Need More Masculinity, Not Less


True and total gender equity only exists in some people’s make-believe imagination, and that takes nothing away from the matchless power of the feminine. In fact, ironically, the Democratic National Committee admitted just last week that true gender equity between men and women is actually sexist, and adjusted the requirement in their charter. Why? Because, they say, it’s prejudiced against the non-binary. Gender theorists increasingly have trouble keeping up with their own madness.

He springs to create a different atmosphere out of the insufficient one that currently exists.

Masculinity doesn’t just show itself in extreme cases of rescue. It is also true in the everyday, of the man in this afternoon’s meeting who immediately stood to get extra chairs for newcomers who had just arrived to no room at the table. He springs to create a different atmosphere out of the insufficient one that currently exists.

Masculinity in any form never requires apology. Masculinity is a public and personal virtue, and every society, without exception, requires as many men as possible to learn it. There is no tipping point toward “too much.” It is the ill society that seeks to squelch it, the society that’s trying to deny what it means to be healthily human.

Rest assured, our problem today is not raising toxic males. It’s raising passive males. Those are males who are not even sure what the right thing to do is, much less possess the courage and assertiveness to know when to demonstrate it or how. Masculinity can only be taught, encouraged, and even demanded by the previous generation of both men and women. Men teach and call younger boys up into it, and women set before the young male what he must do if he wants a shot at them.

The culture that says, “We don’t know how to turn these boys today into men” is tragically passive as well. We need to be men, all of us, to hitch up our collective trousers and teach our boys what manliness is and what it is not and demand they act on it. If nothing else, there’s a whole generation of young women hoping someone will step up and do so.



Glenn T. Stanton is a Federalist senior contributor who writes and speaks about family, gender, and art, is the director of family formation studies at Focus on the Family, and is the author of eight books including "The Ring Makes All the Difference" (Moody, 2011) and "Loving My LGBT Neighbor" (Moody, 2014). He blogs at glenntstanton.com.

Photo emilykneeter / Flickr

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Vic Eldred
1  seeder  Vic Eldred    10 months ago

Our role models are long gone, casualties of the social war which was won by the left in the late 60's. We are in a strange and sordid place today.

Thoughts?

 
 
 
Dismayed Patriot
1.1  Dismayed Patriot  replied to  Vic Eldred @1    10 months ago

We've come a long way. Do we really want to go back to a time when women were nothing but objects?

 
 
 
Vic Eldred
1.1.1  seeder  Vic Eldred  replied to  Dismayed Patriot @1.1    10 months ago

I don't think that was ever true, however that being said, I'd love to be regarded as a sex object

 
 
 
Sunshine
1.1.2  Sunshine  replied to  Dismayed Patriot @1.1    10 months ago
go back to a time when women were nothing but objects?

Back?  A lot of Stormy Daniels being exploited by the TDS crowd.

 
 
 
Freefaller
1.2  Freefaller  replied to  Vic Eldred @1    10 months ago
Our role models are long gone,

Mine is still around

 
 
 
Dean Moriarty
2  Dean Moriarty    10 months ago

Yeah I don't get it. I still think of Arnold as a role model. 

Unknown.jpeg

 
 
 
JohnRussell
3  JohnRussell    10 months ago
Masculinity doesn’t just show itself in extreme cases of rescue. It is also true in the everyday, of the man in this afternoon’s meeting who immediately stood to get extra chairs for newcomers who had just arrived to no room at the table. He springs to create a different atmosphere out of the insufficient one that currently exists.

Uh, I'm pretty sure a feminine woman (or man) could and does do the same. 

The article wants to beat us over the head with the obvious. 

The masculine male does the right thing, at the right time, in the right way, for the right reasons. He doesn’t shrink away. He steps up.

If I said, The feminine female does the right thing, at the right time, in the right way, for the right reasons. She doesn’t shrink away. She steps up.  Why would that be wrong? 

 
 
 
Jack_TX
3.1  Jack_TX  replied to  JohnRussell @3    10 months ago
Uh, I'm pretty sure a feminine woman (or man) could and does do the same. 

I know, right?  And they have been doing so for thousands of years.  The concept of "nesting" is well documented in women.

Or do we think all those housewives have been sitting around knitting for all those years? 

The article wants to beat us over the head with the obvious. 

I don't think it's "the obvious" as much as it's "the strange perception".   

 
 
 
Silent_Hysteria
4  Silent_Hysteria    10 months ago

I think mascualinity, as the author describes it, is just reserved for family nowadays.  At least it is for me and men I know.  What happens when you don't?  You get written up for harassment when you ask someone on a date like a man at my work.  Because "this is work and not a dating pool"...  ok.  Fair enough. 

I also intentionally refuse to assist some of these women with menial tasks if a man would have never asked.  Help with those chairs?  No.  You should be fine getting them.  I have my own things to accomplish.  Their too heavy?  Yea.. they were when I moved them yesterday.  I got it done though... and you are as every bit of capable of doing it as men are!  Good on ya.  

People also learned fairly quick not to ask if I would give up my seat for them.  Lmao.  The same HR women complaining about lack of women in my job thinks I should give my seat up to them?  The same women who went off about the wage gap BS when they sit in a AC office all day? 

What happened to masculinity?  It's still there... just not in public.  And no "Sheryl". I'm not comin over to your house to hang dry wall as a favor.  Is that rovie riveter poster just for looks?  Get to it

 
 
 
Sunshine
5  Sunshine    10 months ago

Some women do not want a masculine man until they do.

Masculinity Is a Character Trait, Not a Biological Feature

Some characteristic are biological...same with femininity.  

 
 
 
Vic Eldred
5.1  seeder  Vic Eldred  replied to  Sunshine @5    10 months ago
Some characteristic are biological...same with femininity.  

Well said!

 
 
 
It Is ME
6  It Is ME    10 months ago

Todays "Man" is William Bruce Jenner, DBA "Caitlyn Marie Jenner." chuckle

So "Brave" ! Eye Roll

 
 
 
JBB
6.1  JBB  replied to  It Is ME @6    10 months ago
Todays "Man" is William Bruce Jenner, DBA "Caitlyn Marie Jenner." 

Let us not forget that Bruce was in the gop and so is Caitlyn. South Park pegged her IMHO...

One thing for sure, Caitlyn is no left wing heroine but she did kill people texting and driving.

Caitlyn is another creation of our Reality Show Kardashian World and so is Donald J. Trump...

 
 
 
Texan1211
6.1.1  Texan1211  replied to  JBB @6.1    10 months ago

Gee, the left treated him/her as some kind of hero for deciding to be a woman.

Why is still a burning question!

 
 
 
It Is ME
6.1.2  It Is ME  replied to  JBB @6.1    10 months ago
Let us not forget that Bruce was in the gop

And that matters towards my comment and what the article is speaking of ..... how ?

"One thing for sure, Caitlyn is no left wing heroine"

Yes he "IS" (depending on what "is" means again). The Left loved dragging his "Change" out every and anytime it was prudent for a cause. Just like Kaepernick's kneeling crap. 

Those two are soooo Bwave ! Not Impressed

 
 
 
Spikegary
6.1.3  Spikegary  replied to  JBB @6.1    10 months ago

When did this become about party?  Why do you need to intenionally attempt to derail other people's articles?  Are you unable to think outside of your partisanship? 

 
 
 
†hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh
6.1.4  †hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh  replied to  Spikegary @6.1.3    10 months ago

It's not about party, we learned that with the #metoo movement. How many Hollywood elite pig men are out there? It's raining perps right now in Hollywood and the Media.

 
 
 
Perrie Halpern R.A.
7  Perrie Halpern R.A.    10 months ago

I am the mother of twin 24 year olds. I can tell you that there are still plenty of toxic men out there. I have heard their stories. And both of them have men as boyfriends. They don't look anything like that pic you have in the article. 

Just like our parents talk about "Those Hippies" and that the youth of the 60's, I don't think that much has changed since then. 

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
7.1  Trout Giggles  replied to  Perrie Halpern R.A. @7    10 months ago

Yeah, they're still out there. Some of the men here don't want to believe it, but they are still out there. They call themselves "incels"

 
 
 
Vic Eldred
7.1.1  seeder  Vic Eldred  replied to  Trout Giggles @7.1    10 months ago
Some of the men here don't want to believe it

And why would make such a generalization?

 
 
 
Vic Eldred
7.2  seeder  Vic Eldred  replied to  Perrie Halpern R.A. @7    10 months ago
I can tell you that there are still plenty of toxic men out there.

There always was & there always will be. A normal man is most happy when a woman wants to give. The animal wants to take.

They don't look anything like that pic you have in the article. 

Which one?  The 50's man or the modern domesticated one?

 
 
 
†hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh
8  †hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh    10 months ago

I've been accused of being toxic for no good reason.

512

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
8.1  Trout Giggles  replied to  †hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh @8    10 months ago

Is that you????

 
 
 
†hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh
8.1.1  †hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh  replied to  Trout Giggles @8.1    10 months ago

It is Ma'am. 

When i am at the grocery store I often lift the millennial's six pack to the register for them when they are struggling. Kindness makes men stronger.

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
8.1.2  Trout Giggles  replied to  †hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh @8.1.1    10 months ago

My boy is a millenial and trust me, he can lift his own six packs.

And I'm not allowed to say anything more about the photo because I was told your ego is big enough. LOL!

 
 
 
Sparty On
8.1.3  Sparty On  replied to  †hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh @8.1.1    10 months ago

A six pack?   Thats nothing.   I need to hoist a pony keg every time i get up out of a chair and the like.

It ain't easy pressing that weight all day. every day.  

Gotta be tough!

 
 
 
†hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh
8.1.4  †hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh  replied to  Sparty On @8.1.3    10 months ago

Sounds like a power assisted chair might help.

 
 
 
Sparty On
8.1.5  Sparty On  replied to  †hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh @8.1.4    10 months ago

Not needed, no reason to push for that just yet.  

Besides, then the pony keg may turn into a half barrel.

 
 
 
devangelical
8.2  devangelical  replied to  †hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh @8    10 months ago

an unflushed toilet in the background is usually the standard for bathroom selfies

 
 
 
†hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh
8.2.1  †hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh  replied to  devangelical @8.2    10 months ago

Some men don't have the strength to flush a toilet. I find that to be toxic.  They ask there wife to do it and that's just wrong.

 
 
 
devangelical
8.2.2  devangelical  replied to  †hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh @8.2.1    10 months ago

how else are their SO's going to determine what size strap-on to buy? /s

 
 
 
†hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh
8.2.3  †hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh  replied to  devangelical @8.2.2    10 months ago

When you can Squat 2 to 3 times your body weight, you need a real big one.

 
 
 
devangelical
8.2.4  devangelical  replied to  †hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh @8.2.3    10 months ago

Taking a squat and evacuating 3 times your body weight defies the laws of physics, unless you're talking about after eating at a Vegas buffet.

 
 
 
Kavika
8.3  Kavika   replied to  †hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh @8    10 months ago

Dammit BF, you know that isn't you...Stop with the nonsense. First off most fish have scales and there are no scales on that photo. Next, what's with the tattoo, I've never seen a fish with a tattoo. Geez, now go back to the sea and poke a shark.Happy 

 
 
 
†hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh
8.3.1  †hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh  replied to  Kavika @8.3    10 months ago

Are you body shaming my moobs?

 
 
 
Kavika
8.3.2  Kavika   replied to  †hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh @8.3.1    10 months ago
Are you body shaming my moobs?

Me!!!!!! You know me better than that BF...

 
 
 
Tacos!
9  Tacos!    10 months ago

Masculinity is not toxic. It's just masculinity. 

 
 
 
†hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh
9.1  †hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh  replied to  Tacos! @9    10 months ago

Do find it unmasculine for a man to have a pierced nipple?

 
 
 
Tacos!
9.1.1  Tacos!  replied to  †hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh @9.1    10 months ago
Do find it unmasculine for a man to have a pierced nipple?

Not if he's using it to tow a wagon or store his fishing lures.

 
 
 
Kavika
10  Kavika     10 months ago

Now this is a manly man. 

Skirt, check

Topless, check

bare foot, check

Bad ass, check. 

Tattoo, check and done the old fashioned way, not the sissy stuff that they do in Austin.

7a6a956128892187bba615ec6f363e50.jpg

More manly men and a manly boy. 

Long braided hair, check

levi's, check

sexy, check

That's me on the left. 

native-american-braids-600x444.jpg

 
 
 
dave-2693993
10.1  dave-2693993  replied to  Kavika @10    10 months ago

Great photos Kavika.

I saw that picture of you before. If you don't mind, what track is on the back of the boys Tee Shirt?

It looks like it is printed up as a National Event shirt, but maybe more NMRA or NMCA sanctioned?

 
 
 
Kavika
10.1.1  Kavika   replied to  dave-2693993 @10.1    10 months ago
If you don't mind, what track is on the back of the boys Tee Shirt?

It's from the Rez Winter Nationals held in Window Rock AZ, dave.....winking

 
 
 
dave-2693993
10.1.2  dave-2693993  replied to  Kavika @10.1.1    10 months ago

Wow!!!!

Sounds like a need to attend event.

Do you know of anyone planning to compete next year?

I might have a trick or two up my sleeve.

 
 
 
Kavika
10.1.3  Kavika   replied to  dave-2693993 @10.1.2    10 months ago

LOL, I was kidding dave. I have no idea where it's from...

 
 
 
dave-2693993
10.1.4  dave-2693993  replied to  Kavika @10.1.3    10 months ago

LOL.

Well, if a Rez Winternationals happens, let me know.

These days there are all kind of new sanctioning bodies popping up.

There is an NHRA rebellion going on.

 
 
 
dave-2693993
10.1.5  dave-2693993  replied to  Kavika @10.1.3    10 months ago

P.S. I know you are not  FoMoCo fan, but here is a little of my passivity. It takes a "manly man" to drive 172 - 175 mph with 10 1/2" rear tires on a track like that. Ooops, don't tell John Force's daughters that!!!!

Mustang_Leaving.jpg

 
 
 
dave-2693993
10.1.6  dave-2693993  replied to  Kavika @10.1.3    10 months ago

Then if someone wants to go big time, this fella was a multi time ANDRA (Aussie) National Pro Stock Champion. I got him 100hp just from the simplest of things.

This is the first Pro Stock car I had a hand in. My buddy Carl kept a picture of it on the desk in the kitchen till he passed. Priscilla still keeps it there. Among other things he was my hot rodding mentor.

JoePolito.jpg

 
 
 
†hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh
10.2  †hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh  replied to  Kavika @10    10 months ago

I might have to send the Rock my traps workout.

He can keep the skirt though...I'd have to shave legs.

 
 
 
Kavika
10.2.1  Kavika   replied to  †hε pε⊕pレε'š ƒïšh @10.2    10 months ago
He can keep the skirt though...I'd have to shave legs.

Here is a little secret BF, that skirt is called a Fia Lava Lava in Samoa...Talk like a native, shinob. 

 
 
 
Skrekk
11  Skrekk    10 months ago

Isn't the real problem with men today - white men in particular -  the fact that a majority of them consider a blustering and braggadocious sociopath to be an appropriate role model, particularly when he brags about the size of his "hands" or his skill in sexually assaulting women, or says that he's the "greatest" and "bestest" ever?    Most folks find that thin-skinned sociopath rather pathetic and a poor role model but apparently most white men aspire to be him.

 
 
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