Mildew, Ohio, a lovely, nearly all torn down, community of misfits is now focusing on Dogs Without Their Tags, over Homeless Drug Addicts Seeping Into Our Town Like a Plague of Locusts

Today, I had breakfast with my friend Joe, who is 74, retired, has a dog, as I previously did, and likes to get his "breakfast fix" at Mickey "D's."

We have many things in common; Joe is an "artist." I am a "con-artist," some claim.

Joe taught Art in the Dayton Public Schools System, and, I taught Drama, there, as well, until, I discovered that I dislike rude, arrogant teenager that defy you to teach them!

“Make me learn something, you M-Fer," was a frequent retort from my students at Roosevelt High School, located on West Third Street, in Dayton, Ohio.

It was smack dab in the middle of the territory of the “Chains of Rap Brown,” a street gang that threatens everyone in the neighborhood, even the cops.

Our school was so dangerous that the principal ordered that all doors into the building be “locked with padlocked chains,” even the fire exits.

Was it to keep the high school students in, or, the gangs out?

Joe has his own business on the side, as did I. He freelanced his art work, while I produced shows for malls and shopping centers. We, ironically, attended the same High School in Dayton, Ohio; Kiser H.S. until our 10th grade, at different times.

Just like my new hero, Omarosa, (Trump’s Reality TV Star to WH Presidential Adviser) we transferred to John H. Patterson, located in downtown Dayton, where upon we graduated from there a few years apart.

Omarosa and I had much more in common. Both of us grew up in Parkside Homes, near Keowee and Helena Streets, attended the same grade schoosl, high schools, and, both of us graduated with degrees from Central State University in Wilberforce, Ohio.

But, never at the same time, I am her senior by two decades.

Although, I am the senior member of the “ Joe and Me Mutual Fan Club," I never rub it in, because I am the nice one. Joe is the “speeder,” possible felon, and, well, you will see.

This morning, Joe regaled me with his hilarious, though utterly inane a run-in with the notoriously strict Hamilton Police Department of Dicks (HPD) that led to his arrest.

At the ripe old age of 74, Joe was handcuffed by an officer of the Hamilton Police Department, arrested, and carted off to jail, where he was “booked” over an "unpaid ticket!"

What kind of crime did he commit, I wondered? Joe is, by all account a mild-mannered soft spoken person. He is an artist at heart. What can of threat do they pose? Paint smudges?

Joe explained that it was ove an unpaid “dog ticket.”

Yes, folks that is what the HPD is cracking down on this day. Un- paid “pet tickets for not licence,” and “outstanding parking tickets.”

Beware Hamilton Residents:

If you fail to pay a ticket by its “due date,” an ARREST WARRANT will immediately be issued, entered in the police computer, where it will stay till “Until Hell Freezes Over”!

As near as I can tell, from Joe’s mournful wails, a ticket had been issued to him (but, not received, “allegedly”) for his “dog not wearing its dog tags."

Now, that is pretty “serious stuff,” here, in the city of Sculpture. We can’t have stray dogs “relieving” themselves on our culture, now, can we?

This major community concern is now taking “precedent,” as it should, over locking up "Homeless-Drug Addicted Thieves, or, "diseased riddled prostitutes” working on Fourth street, in downtown Hamilton’s Central Business District.

Prostitutes attract tourists! Homeless thieves steal from the neighborhoods, they hang out in Journal Square for the ambiance.

It’s a “War on Pets Without their License” that has captured the attention of the new, more aggressive, Neighborhood Policing Squads cleaning up the trash in all “17 Strong”.

The epidemic of “drugged up homeless thieves swarming into our tranquil community from parts unknown,” is taking a backseat to outstanding “parking tickets and pet nuisance calls.”

Heads up, Fellow Citizens, Scaramouche, the Public Safety Director (a former WH Communication’s Director, so I am told) has spoken. “It dogs with expired tags. Get them, boys. Scare ‘em, witness, that will teach those dog lovers to keep their pet tied up!”

Not, as necessary, as nearly “expired” drug addicts, with multiple arrests, outstanding warrants, communicable diseases roaming our quaint, tranquil city “boosting cars” (entering unlocked cars and stealing anything of value, and, some that are not).

These recently released criminals from the Butler County Jail cannot find their way home to terrorize their community, once freed from Jail, they prefer downtown, Hamilton.

“Why not loot this city,” until they are caught,t sent to jail, again, only to be rereleased, due to “Over Crowding,” so, they might plunder more innocent victims in our “17 Strong Neighborhoods”.

My “sauces,” a wino, tells me that all of Hamilton’s “17 STRONG NEIGHBORHOODS” are reeling from these burglaries.

Now back to Joe’s tale. He is still talking:
My friend, Joe, owns the world’s most unattractive dog. She is as old as Methuselah and quite as fabled.

Rarely, at her advanced age does she bark. Like Joe, she allows anyone to pet her, even the thieves that stole her recently out of his fenced in yard, which eventually led to the dog being on the street without its tags.

It seemed that the “dognappers” were so drugged up, they couldn’t remember where they stole her, so the likelihood of them getting a reward was next to none.

Shortly, after that, the dog tries to find its way home. But, before she could, she was “snatched up,” taken to the pound, where an implant revealed the owner’s name.

Joe, for whatever reason, loves that dog more than anything, rushed over their immediately, paid his find and retrieved his animal, and, I say that in the kindness way.

After paying the fees, the clerk explained that Joe was still getting a “ticket,” but, since it was 7:30 am, the ticket issuer was not in until 8:30 am, or, 9:00, or 10:00 depending on his busy schedule.

Joe, who, believe it or not, had other things to do that morning than to hang around there waiting for someone to show up to issue him a ticket, left.

What Joe was too learn in a most dramatic form was that the ticket had to be issued directly to him in person, and, not via the mail.
Joe, who, I would like to believe, claims that after a week, he stopped checking his mailbox every day for the ticket and went on with his aimless life. Months past, perhaps, years. By, this time I was desperate for his tail to end.

I have never had many friends, well, two, a lot of acquaintances who I am friendly towards, but, they are not the friends one confides in, cares about, hits up for money.

So, now that Joe, who was becoming one of those “friends,” I was dubious of our relationship due to his new “felon status,” even as briefly as it was! It may force me to re-evaluate our “friendship.” One can never be too careful at our ages.

Well, it seems that this congenital lawbreaker, my friend, Joe, was stopped, again, by the police. They might have him under surveillance.

This time, however, they had him “dead to the rights.” Joe was pulled over by the HPD or doing 45 MPH in a 35 MPH zone. Disgraceful!

If one is familiar with that patch of road, where the crime was committed, one knows that speeders usually do at least 65 mph.

These early morning “rush hour junkies” pushed aside anyone going slower by “bumper riding” their beat-up, angry looking, pick up trucks as close to the offending driver as humanly possible. Honking and blaring their horns at anyone that drive at the posted speed limit.

My “sauces” tell me that the HPD never catches these violators because they drive too fast. They prefer to get the dottering seniors around 9 am on their way to the “Bark Park,”

My friend, with his dog in tow, was in route to the "Bark Park" on New London, as he does on most mornings, follow his morning ritual of breakfast at Mac Donald’s on Millville Avenue.

What some people may not know is that The Dog Park, aka “Bark Park” is well known to the HPD as a notorious “hang out” for "seniors” dodging overdue parking tickets and, their numerous citations for dog license’s ticket violations!"

My Intel is from a “homeless man,” that I refuse to name, but, he can be observed most morning pushing a shopping cart in Veterans Park, or, sleeping on a table in Shelter Number Two, where he often cooks his meals over a charcoal grill built for such uses.

He has been living off and on in Veterans Park for years, and, bathes in the Men’s Restrooms, when it is unlocked by park workers, who are on a first name basis with him.
Well, back to the drama.

Hamilton’s Police Department is under pressure to “clean up the crime in our city,” It is terrible for our recruitment efforts to attract new residents to downtown’s pricey condos.

So our "eager beaver" HPD arresting officer, allegedly following the arresting procedures used for “murders, drug dealers, and, hardened career-criminals,” executed his duties strictly by the book.

There will be no leniency for a 74-year-old retired art teacher. An arrest warrant issued for failure to pay a “dog ticket” fine is no different than one for “killing one’s neighbor with a butcher knife.”

The super-efficient officer, eager to impress his boss, SGT “Get Tough” Fillibuster, swiftly called in the vehicle’s license number to HQ.

Next, he retrieved the driver’s operating vehicle information, entering it to in his upgraded mobile commuter( neatly stored in his HPD provide $70,000, air-conditioned, brand-new police cruiser, equipped with the best equipment for “crime fighting” that tax payer’s money can buy)!

Immediately, the super fast, super expensive, new computer system kicked back that the officer was dealing with a dangerous felon with an “Outstanding ARREST WARRANT.”

Joe was immediately made to turn around, spread his legs, put his hand behind his back, and, handcuffed. Arrested on the spot.
The charge, "failure to pay his dog ticket," which, Joe, a notorious “fibber,” and, renown, “kidder,” claims that he never received that ticket. (Felons always say stuff like that)!

He had forgotten about it since it happened so long ago, when he was, perhaps, 69.

“Ignorance of the law is no excuse,” is a mantra that police love to recite verbatim to citizens before “slapping on the cuffs.” It the sound of finality when they click together, that police love.

“How can one remember everything that happened to you five years ago,” Joe moaned?

“I DON’T KNOW!” I injected, “ I’m lucky to remember where I am now.” I pounded on the booth table so forcefully that I startled our young waitress.

She spilled the coffees which she was dutifully brought to our booth all over the table top, the same enclosure and table we sit in for well over two years.

As everyone knows, white-haired, mild-mannered, former Art teachers are "notorious" for “coloring the truth,” so, one has to be skeptical, take what Joe says with a grain of salt, which I like to put in my Morning coffee to give it that “mad dog” taste.

Joe's story, (I won’t mention his last name to save his family the humiliation of living through this nightmare again), and, because, I, in truth, I had long ago, forget it.

I stared into his soft, grey eyes, then, out of self-preservation, glanced down at his hands. He was gesturing with a plastic knife, which I eyed suspiciously.

What did I know about Joe?

We have coffee at McDonald, that about all. He talked. I listen, or, pretended to, nodding occasionally for effect.
Now, I was seated precariously across the table in a booth with my back to the door, as a 74-year-old, retired, grandfather was unraveling in front of me, railing about being handcuffed, carted off to jail, like a felon with an Outstanding Warrant on his head.

I wondered if, while teaching art, he may have “fudged” some students grades, too, for gratuities. Teachers wages aren’t what they used to be. What other crimes might he be hiding?

Once booked, Joe was slammed in the “slammer,” with the other dangerous criminals, where he patiently waited for two hours for the overcrowded jail to "open up a slot" for him, the felon.

"There aren't too many dog criminals’ slots, these days," he was told by his in-take officer. But, you will be “spending the night, going to court in the first thing morning in an orange jumpsuit, and, wearing leg irons,” chuckled his cruel gatekeeper.

Although, Joe was a long-term resident of Hamilton, with a "spotless record," the HPD, and, this maniacal Butler County Jailer, must every be ever vigilant when "dealing with a serious crime," such as, “outstanding dog warrants.”

Failure to pay one's “dog tag ticket” ranks up there with murderers, drug dealers, armed robbers, but, not the thong of Homeless Career-Drug-Addicts flooding into downtown Hamilton," to loot and rob," on a daily basis in order to get their “daily fix.”
Joe and I, as senior citizens, both understand "drug habits," we must have our morning coffee before we can even speak to each other.
"After two hours," Joe, holding back the tears explained, that “some kind sou”l within the police structure, decided he was safe, no risk to his fellow man, and, was, therefore, then, was released on his recognizance. But, warned to report to the court, or, “you will be back, here, tomorrow!”

Later, Joe discovered that his “freshly” washed clothes, calm demeanor, and, the natural kindness he exudes, was upsetting the "natural order of things" in the criminal environment that he found himself within, and it was causing the other criminals to be restless.

Joe, never one to complain, hold grudges, or, be disrespectful, (unlike me) immediately “high-tailed” it over to the “guv’mint building to pay his delinquent dog ticket.

It was there, in the crystal clear still of the darkened
“Ticket Pay Here” window, that our mild-mannered, family man discovered that "the ticket," inadvertently, was not sent to him, but, a warrant issued, instead.
It was all an "HPD MISTAKE," of sorts. “Sorry, things happen. Have a nice day.”

Another, scared out of his mind eager beaver employee, rushing to carry out that mandate that "justice delayed is justice not served," forgot a few minor details.
Therefore, an arrest warrant was "immediately issued," when the time allotted for non-payment elapsed, making Joe, a “Wanted Man.” I think I saw one of his posters at the Post Office on Court Street. It was a striking, exact image of him with his dog.

Just an afterthought!

Perhaps, HPD, Butler County Sheriff’s Department, and, the Municipal Courts System might have their PRIORITIES mixed up a tad, you think?
Eventually, it all got worked out.

- The above is a true story, except for the lies, that Joe may have told. The Author