Trump Claims He "Won't Be Able To Pitch For The Yankees" - The Lint Screen

  

Category:  News & Politics

Via:  jbb  •  one week ago  •  10 comments

By:   guzelvis (The Lint Screen)

Trump Claims He "Won't Be Able To Pitch For The Yankees" - The Lint Screen
President Trump discusses the demand for him to play pro baseball and why he must refuse the requests for America's sake.

And I was so looking forward to it. Butt, next year he is a free agent.


S E E D E D   C O N T E N T



The Hurler-in-Chief bringing his heat to a frightened batter.

Donald J. Trump gave up a lot to serve his country as its president. He could have made billions with his savvy real estate genius, or, starred in his proposed hit comedy series for NBC… Oops! I Married My Daughter (And I Absolutely Love It)!!!

But his biggest missed opportunity may have been to pitch major league baseball.

"Randy Levine with the New York Yankees is a great friend of mine," the president boasted to The Lint Screen. "He runs the team and has been pestering me for years to join his club as a starting pitcher. He's seen my 146-mile-per-hour fastball. Of course, no one's actually seen it-- the pitch is a bolt of lightning that pushes the catcher back about ten-feet when it's delivered. Incredible fastball. A lot of people think it's the best pitch ever."

Trump says he is definitely the most athletic president in history.

"They say Truman was a good surfer, Ford played a little football, and JFK was a creampuff who played tag football," Trump chuckles. "But no president had offers to play major league baseball. Especially Obama. How could he play the national sport when he wasn't even born here?"

The president waits four-minutes for a reply that never comes, then continues.

"All most presidents get to do is throw out the first pitch. What a joke. Teams want me to pitch seven or eight strong innings. I can go nine, ten, or fourteen, whatever it takes. I have the heat. Tremendous heat. More heat than Fauci, I'll tell you that. With lots of movement on the ball, too. All I've ever pitched was no-hitters. I have the best pitch ever in baseball-- everyone knows it."

The president gives a heavy sigh.

"Unfortunately, I won't be able to pitch for the Yankees," Trump says. "I have a country to run. I've got to help people battle the China virus and the Portland anarchists. It's too bad. Because I look pretty sexy in Yankees pinstripes. Everyone says so."

He pauses. "I could have also been a pro golfer, or an astronaut, too," the president mops his damp brow, "Or, I could've been a cowboy"...


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JBB
1  seeder  JBB    one week ago

In case you cannot tell, this is supposed to be satire!

 
 
 
JBB
2  seeder  JBB    one week ago

"I could have been a Cowboy", priceless...

 
 
 
Adam_Selene
2.1  Adam_Selene  replied to  JBB @2    one week ago

Like  maybe - Joe Buck in Midnight Cowboy?

I can see that. Say Mr. President - seen any good movies lately...

 
 
 
JBB
2.1.1  seeder  JBB  replied to  Adam_Selene @2.1    one week ago

"I'm in town for a white supremacist convention, an frankly to have a little fun... Cowboy!"

 
 
 
Trout Giggles
2.2  Trout Giggles  replied to  JBB @2    one week ago

I think he should have tried his hand at being an astronaut

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
3  Buzz of the Orient    one week ago
"I've got to help people battle the China virus and the Portland anarchists."

I really don't think China wants Trump to help them with the "China virus" (the virus in China), since he's been doing such an unbelievably shitty job with the Trump (America) virus.

 
 
 
The Magic Eight Ball
4  The Magic Eight Ball    one week ago
And I was so looking forward to it.

it would have looked a lot like this.

 
 
 
JohnRussell
4.1  JohnRussell  replied to  The Magic Eight Ball @4    one week ago

That was 16 years ago when he was 58. No chance he repeats that today, although I do think he could get it to the catcher. 

 
 
 
The Magic Eight Ball
4.1.1  The Magic Eight Ball  replied to  JohnRussell @4.1    one week ago
That was 16 years ago

right, 

although I do think he could get it to the catcher. 

 maybe so, but I doubt it will have that much steam on it.

 gettin old sucks for everyone involved   lol   

:)

 
 
 
JohnRussell
5  JohnRussell    one week ago

I have seen credible stories saying that Trump was a good baseball player in high school. Beyond that rather generic statement I wouldnt believe a word he says. 

 
 
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