Trump Signs New Executive Order Granting Himself Unemployment Check in January | The New Yorker
S E E D E D C O N T E N T
By Andy Borowitz
August 10, 2020 
Photograph by Susan Walsh / AP
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump raised eyebrows on Monday by signing an executive order granting himself a million-dollar unemployment check if he leaves office in January.
Trump said that he will deserve the seven-figure check if the election is "stolen" by what he called "a conspiracy between the U.S. Postal Service and Antifa."
In a further defense of the huge payment, Trump said, "If I'm out of a job, Ivanka, Eric, and Don, Jr., will be, too."
The executive order immediately drew howls of protest from congressional Democrats, as well as from the Republican senator Ben Sasse, who called it "a steaming pile of constitutional crap."
Unmoved, Trump called the Nebraska senator "Poor Li'l Sassy" and argued that the executive order was a "work of genius" that should guarantee him a place on Mt. Rushmore.
"Those beauties like Lincoln and Jefferson never thought of anything this smart," he said. "They would be lucky if I let my head be carved out of the same rock as theirs."
Tags
Who is online
64 visitors
Does the fact that Jared and Ivanka will get great big government pensions for life kind of make you sick?
anything Trump, is capable of making America sick
MAGA - Make America Gag Again
LOL, love Andy.
He is a ray of sunshine in an upside down world.
I loved how he took 3 separate issues and satirized them in one piece
That’s it! Trump has been contributing his $400,000 a year salary to charities or government for four years and is signing a bill Just to give himself $300 a week after Jan 20 in case he loses the election. The OP is just stupid.