Noah's Ark - 2021
In the year 2021 , the Lord came unto Noah,
who was now living in America and said:
"Once again, the earth has become wicked and over
-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me."
"Build another ark and save 2 of every living thing
along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying:
"You have 6 months to build the ark before I will
start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
.
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah
weeping in his yard-but no ark.
"Noah!," He roared, "I'm about to start the rain!
Where is the ark?"
.
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed."
"I needed a building permit."
.
"I've been arguing with the boat inspector
about the need for a sprinkler system."
.
"My neighbors claim that I've violated the
neighborhood by-laws by building the ark in my
back yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to
go to the local Planning Committee for a decision."
.
"Then the local Council and the electric company demanded
a shed load of money for the future costs of moving power
lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the
passage for the ark's move to the sea. I told them
that the sea would be coming to us, but they would
hear none of it."
.
"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban
on cutting local trees in order to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl."
"I tried to convince the environmentalists that I
needed the wood to save the owls-but no go!"
.
"When I started gathering the animals the ASPCA took me to court.
They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They
argued the accommodations were too restrictive and
it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in
a confined space."
.
"Then the Environmental Protection Agency
ruled that I couldn't build the ark until they'd conducted an
environmental impact study on your proposed flood."
.
"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the
Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm
supposed to hire for my building crew."
.
"The Immigration Dept. is checking the
visa status of most of the people who want to work."
.
"The trade unions say I can't use my sons. They
insist I have to hire only Union workers with
ark-building experience."
.
"To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm
trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species."
.
"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10
years for me to finish this ark."
.
"Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine,
and a rainbow stretched across the sky."
.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked,
.
"You mean you're not going to destroy the world?";
"No," said the Lord.
"The Government beat me to it."
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Emailed to me by an old friend in Palm Springs.
My laugh for the day.
Excellent. Sadly, this probably could have been ten times longer.