Opinion: Some one-star Yelp reviews of space travel from the near future
S E E D E D C O N T E N T
[Richard] Branson’s flight reinforces the hopes of space enthusiasts that routine travel to the final frontier may soon be available to private citizens, not just the professional astronauts of NASA and other space agencies.
But how many people are willing to spend as much as some houses cost for a few minutes of space travel?
Great, space travel is being expanded to the super wealthy! Instead of people who have trained and dreamed for years about becoming astronauts, sent to space to represent the whole planet and conduct scientific research, now anyone (for whom the price of a house is chicken feed) can go to space! Great! One small step backward for man, one giant leap forward for the Rich Kids of Instagram !
Here is what I assume the one-star Yelp reviews for suborbital space travel will look like in a few years.
★ It was fine I guess but for the same amount of money you can shoot an endangered wolf from a helicopter and to me that’s more fun.
★ No gift shop!
★ On the one hand it is pretty cheap but on the other hand why bother?
★ Captain got mad when I wanted to enter the cockpit to take a picture with him.
★ For what it costs it’s fine but the seats were tiny. I used it as an opportunity to imagine what it would be like if I ever flew commercial!
★ Way better views of Earth from Earth.
★ Wouldn’t let me drive it even though that would have looked a lot cooler in the souvenir photo.
★ I was forbidden from bringing my emotional support peacock despite his being very well-behaved. I was so worried about him that I didn’t really enjoy it.
★ Earth looked really small and vulnerable and I couldn’t see any of my parents’ 18 houses.
★ After a while, it was kind of like … we get it, Earth’s a small blue marble floating in the void of space. No bottle service, either.
★ Poor cell reception.
★ Wouldn’t let us get out and didn’t even visit any other planets.
★ Fine but setting fire to my Mercedes on TikTok was more fun and got way better engagement.
★ Thought I was getting a yacht but my dad got us this trip instead. No onboard pool and I felt like a fool showing up in a bathing suit.
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Sorry about the formatting, it's a sometimes thing.
Most of the time, the ultra-rich stay fairly discrete. They don't put their names up, in ten-foot neon lettering, on the mega-yachts they park in the harbor in Monaco. They don't gild their private jets.
Hey! They don't give a shit what you and I know about them. As long as the other billionaires know how big their yacht is, they're satisfied.
It's all the fault of the newsies!