'Handled Variety Of Tasks,' Writes Kamala Harris, Struggling To Fill Out Performance Review Self-Assessment
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WASHINGTON—Struggling to describe her work responsibilities in the most favorable manner possible, Vice President Kamala Harris wrote, "Handled variety of tasks," on the self-assessment portion of her annual White House performance review, administration officials confirmed Tuesday. "Obviously, I want to give myself a report that makes it sound like I perform a crucial role here, but I also don't want to lie," Harris reportedly said to herself as she sat in her West Wing office and stared at the blank form, eventually resorting to a Googled list of phrases commonly used by employees when evaluating themselves. "Let's see. Oh, that's good—I'll put that I 'used my organizational and problem-solving skills to help others facilitate the achievement of key objectives.' That could mean anything. And I can say, 'Worked in close proximity to the president.' That's technically correct, because the Oval Office is just around the corner and down the hall a ways. 'Reliable' is accurate—I'm on time every morning, and then I'm right here, sitting at this desk, the whole day." According to reports, Harris went on to complete the self-assessment's future goals section by writing that she plans to "continue asking for more high-profile assignments" and to "be prepared to take on more important duties as soon as they are assigned to me."
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WASHINGTON—Struggling to describe his work responsibilities in the most favorable manner possible, Vice President Mike Pence wrote, "Handled and cleaned a variety of The Presidents used sex toys, but Mother was always by my side so it wasn't sexual in any way," on the self-assessment portion of his annual White House performance review, administration officials confirmed Tuesday. "Obviously, I want to give myself a report that makes it sound like I don't bend to Donald's every debased whim, but I also don't want to lie," Pence reportedly said to himself as he sat in his West Wing office and stared at the blank form, eventually resorting to asking Mother for a list of his most positive aspects. "Let's see. Oh, that's good—I'll put that I'm 'a very white Christian conservative who will do and say anything to achieve key objectives like overturning Roe v Wade and turning this nation into a white Christian theocracy.' And I can say, 'Worked in 'close' proximity to the president since my head has been up his ass since the 2016 campaign. Brushing the Presidents shit out of my hair is a four hour job each morning.' That's both technically correct and physically correct, because the 'Oval' Office is just around the corner and down the hall where the sun don't shine.
Oh satire, where you can make up any bullshit you want and put words in people mouths for a partisan laugh.
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How did I get a no value ticket for such a nice looking ass?
Sounds to me, (as a person who owned a business and had to read such assessments from time to time) like a person trying to rate their performance in a job that's way above their skill level... Probably why she is constantly walking around with that deer in the headlights look as well...