Historians Discover Document From 1776 That Removes All Mandates And Restrictions

  

Category:  Satire

Via:  gregtx  •  4 months ago  •  12 comments

Historians Discover Document From 1776 That Removes All Mandates And Restrictions
Garrett continued, “The fascinating thing about this document is that it says King George III was a tyrant who did a bunch of things President Biden is doing right now. So I’m not really sure what to think.”

S E E D E D   C O N T E N T



PHILADELPHIA—Researchers with Independence National Historic Park have located an ancient document they say renders all national mandates and restrictions void. The document, dating to 1776, is being referred to as ‘The Declaration of Independence’ by park historians who allege it details the existence of unalienable rights and that governments derive their power from the consent of the governed. Sources indicate the document was found in the park archives, allegedly buried under a stack of Benjamin Franklin’s raunchy poems.

“We don’t usually go near those,” said historian Clay Garrett regarding Franklin’s forbidden writings. “I was definitely not reading them when I found the crumpled-up parchment that later turned out to be our nation’s Declaration of Independence."

Garrett continued, “The fascinating thing about this document is that it says King George III was a tyrant who did a bunch of things President Biden is doing right now. So I’m not really sure what to think.”

“Also, they were both kind of crazy. We’re looking into a latent Corn Pop connection as well,” he added.

In response to the find, the Supreme Court has granted a stay on all current vaccine and mask mandates, as well as every other stupid mandate on the books. 

White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki said of the document, “The president is just working to tear down our nation’s values and unite us all under a one-world government to protect us from a virus with a high probability of survival. That doesn’t make him a tyrant. He’s not even British.”

At publishing time, mandates and restrictions were reinstated after it was revealed the author of the declaration was local racist Thomas Jefferson.


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GregTx
Junior Participates
1  seeder  GregTx    4 months ago

800

 
 
 
Nowhere Man
Junior Expert
1.1  Nowhere Man  replied to  GregTx @1    4 months ago

You gotta watch those ancient pesky racists, they will write about freeing slaves from tyrants every single time your back is turned.....

 
 
 
Ozzwald
Professor Quiet
2  Ozzwald    4 months ago

Just a little searching will do wonders for an education.  The US has mandated vaccines many times in the past, and even took the mandate to SCOTUS.  Guess who won.

Jacobson v. Massachusetts, 197 U.S. 11 (1905)

The Surprisingly Strong Supreme Court Precedent Supporting Vaccine Mandates

 
 
 
Sean Treacy
Professor Expert
2.2  Sean Treacy  replied to  Ozzwald @2    4 months ago
he US has mandated vaccines many times in the past, and even took the mandate to SCOTUS.  Guess who won.

You should read the case. 

 
 
 
Tacos!
Professor Expert
3  Tacos!    4 months ago

Less than a year after this document was written and signed, General/future first President of the United States/Father of our Country, George Washington ordered that all troops be inoculated against smallpox. Weirdly, no one called him a tyrant for it. The result was that even though some soldiers still got sick, not a single regiment was incapacitated due to the virus.

 
 
 
Sunshine
Professor Guide
3.1  Sunshine  replied to  Tacos! @3    4 months ago

I believe they where volunteers.

 
 
 
Tacos!
Professor Expert
3.1.1  Tacos!  replied to  Sunshine @3.1    4 months ago

Some certainly were, but conscription existed in this country both before and after the Declaration of Independence.

 
 
 
Jeremy Retired in NC
PhD Guide
4  Jeremy Retired in NC    4 months ago

It never ceases to amaze me how many people don't understand satire.

 
 
 
Nowhere Man
Junior Expert
4.1  Nowhere Man  replied to  Jeremy Retired in NC @4    4 months ago

{chuckle} Revealing isn't it...

 
 
 
Sunshine
Professor Guide
5  Sunshine    4 months ago

Biden weighed in saying the document was a bunch of malarkey because you know Thomas Jefferson was dead in 1976. 

 
 
 
Nowhere Man
Junior Expert
5.1  Nowhere Man  replied to  Sunshine @5    4 months ago

Yeah, there hasn't been so many righteous tyranny fighters in the Capitol since some insurrectionist scum named James Madison had the place burned down....

 
 

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