Canada shocked to find out it was once ranked the best country in the world
S E E D E D C O N T E N T
OTTAWA – Stupfication gripped the nation when U.S. News announced Canada had slipped from its first-place rating on their list of best countries in the world , with no Canadian really sure how the country secured it in the first place, or any other list that we had previously placed on.
“This has got to be a mistake. I mean, we’re okay, but we’re not Uraguay. Are we sure that the list wasn’t for the best country that has a flag with a plant on it?” Howard Leroy of Whitehorse asked aloud.
“I can see us beating out Lebanon if they really let it slide last year”
Prince Albert’s Alex McGuire echoed the sentiment. “I mean, people know that Gander Newfoundland and Come From Away isn’t representative of all of Canada, right? The rest of Canada didn’t do anything during 9/11. They must’ve caught us on a good day, like when Tim Hortons had that one really good batch of honey crullers or when we first elected Trudeau before we knew who he was.”
U.S. News and other such sites typically base their rankings for each country on a series of 79 attributes such as Adventure, Cultural influence, and many other things that Canada is absolutely not particularly known for. The editorial staff at the website still strongly insists that making weird-tasting domestic beers is not a scoring category.
While no one is quite sure what could’ve possibly led to Canada being considered the best country to live in, Katie Harris of Brampton theorizes that there’s just not enough research being done. “Anyone who puts us on a list clearly doesn’t know that Canada’s prime was that sweet spot between the 1972 hockey series and the death of Terry Fox. It’s possible that they just haven’t read enough about residential schools, our sale of asbestos, and our weird spelling of the word ‘colour’.”
“I wish the world would realize that it’s not all Justin Bieber and mounties up here. Sometimes we have good days too.”
At press time, the Canadian government breathed a collective sigh of relief after seeing the number spot this year went to Switzerland, who no one could expect to compete with anyways.
Tags
Who is online
417 visitors
As any Canadian will tell you, happiness is being #2.
Or as I like to say, "It's the second mouse that gets the cheese."
Not as much is expected from number 2
Eh!
The Queen would have been proud. Too bad she missed it.