Nation Relieved To No Longer Have To Pretend To Like Soccer
S E E D E D C O N T E N T
U.S. — After the men's national team was dealt a crushing 1-3 loss by the Netherlands, the United States expressed deep relief to no longer have to go on pretending to like soccer.
"Hoo-boy, I didn't think I could keep that up another day," said local man Aaron Bronson. "Thank God for the Dutch!"
After twelve grueling days of trying to get excited about a ball mostly being passed backward, celebrations broke out across America as its World Cup run came to a close. "I know we only have to fake being soccer fans every four years, but it's been a brutal couple of weeks," said local bar owner Greg Jaster. "We scored three goals in SIX HOURS of soccer! And I have it on good authority from a Brazilian buddy of mine that our last goal was actually an accident. I'm trying to be a good patriot and cheer for our team, but come on."
According to people who watch soccer, the U.S. team actually looked better while losing during this World Cup. "The Americans really didn't get outplayed, they just made awful mistakes in all the big moments," said England native Sean O'Houlihan. "They created wide-open shots, and then completely whiffed. They would play excellent defense against the best strikers in the world - but then would totally forget to mark a mediocre player. It's really rather tragic."
At publishing time, no one had understood a word Mr. O'Houlihan had said and switched the channel over to real football.
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Amen.....
US Men's soccer sucks.
Will watch the US women play. They at least seem to understand the game; and have better athletes that gravitate towards it.
In four games they scored two goals. Yup, boring isn't a strong enough word for soccer.
I think soccer could be exciting , but the field is too big. They can run the ball from one end to the other , in a minute or two or three, and then a slight slip or stumble and they lose the ball and away it goes in the other direction for two or three minutes and then the same thing happens on that end. With the field being so big, it encourages players to fiddle around meaninglessly kicking the ball back and forth for no apparent reason.
Make the field half the size it is now and I think you'd see more scoring.
Forget reducing the field. Soccer needs clocks like the NBA has- a certain amount of time to get the ball past midfield; no over and back (that would negate 90% of the current soccer game right there); and a shot clock on goal. Even if it was a minute to get it across midfield and a minute to take a shot on goal it would speed the gam up significantly and get players to force the ball upfield and actually try and score.
I think a smaller field is a great idea. Other ideas to make the game great would be:
- Too many players. Limit it to 3 forwards, 2 defenders and a goalie.
- Players should get to swap in and out anytime they want. Don't stop the game for player switching.
- Shrink the goal.
- Hitting is allowed.
- Put ice everywhere and make them play on skates.
Arvo..nahh soccer is to slow and stop start.. plus half the players are drama queens and flop around on the ground crying foul..
The grounds are to small and such low scoring games..half the time it is nil nil..yeeach...
Yep, would much rather watch real football,...
Ahhh can't see it as the video is unavailable here in Oz...
I prefer to watch our Aussie rules..🦘
That's strange.. indeed Aussie rules.
Yep, give me Aussie Rules any day !!!!
Evening...I barrack for the Demons..👹
Let it be played as it was intended. An every four year tournament with a century of history that determines a true world champion.
In our arrogance, we call our events the ‘World Series’, the ‘Super Bowl’, ‘The Championship’, the ‘Masters’.
Not to root against the good old U.S. of A,..,for if our athletes had no other venue, we would surely be a dominant factor. But like with the Olympics, good to see teams and athletes from Senegal, Uruguay, et.al compete at the highest level. Enjoy it for what it is, for what it is is exactly what makes it special.