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To Cover Rising Costs, Hunter Now Charging 15% For The Big Guy

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Category: Satire

Via: gregtx • last year • 16 comments

To Cover Rising Costs, Hunter Now Charging 15% For The Big Guy

U.S. — As inflation and consumer prices continue to soar, world-renown master painter and influence salesman Hunter Biden has announced that all corrupt dealings with foreign oligarchs will now include a 15% surcharge for the

S E E D E D C O N T E N T

"Listen, 10% just isn't enough anymore. Not a joke," said Hunter in an email to Russian arms dealer Viktor Bout in a text message on a phone left in the toilet of a local brothel. "Hookers are up, crack is up, and my Dad's dementia medication ain't cheap! Starting today, my prices are going up 33% and I'm charging 15% for the Big Guy."

"I just can't with these prices," said CCP Defense Minister Ping Ding after shelling out another $115K for a painting of something vaguely resembling a sunset in exchange for clear skies for the next spy balloon flight. "Do I look like I'm made of money here?"

Other bad actors around the world have raised objections too, stating that if prices continue to rise they may have to shop around for other corrupt individuals with access to President Biden, such as President Biden.

At publishing time, Hunter offered to sweeten the deal with the CCP by adding a pile of classified documents from the junk drawer.

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PhD Guide

1 seeder GregTx last year

512

Professor Guide

2 Thrawn 31 last year

And charges? I mean Hunter isnt exactly a criminal mastermind...

A year now, sure there most be SOMETHING solid.

Junior Expert

2.1 George replied to Thrawn 31 @2 last year

Hahahahahahahahahaha, a whole year? How long have the whining bitches been telling everyone that trump was going to jail?

you have to actually investigate someone to find evidence to convict them, that is what the democrats and the DOJ with a compliant FBI have been doing with trump for 6 years with zero results. On the flip side, nobody has investigated Pedo Joe and his crackhead kid, in fact they denied the evidence was actually evidence until forced to.

Professor Guide

2.1.1 Thrawn 31 replied to George @2.1 last year

Okay but here is my question, why haven't they found anything on the laptop you all are going after?

PhD Guide

2.1.2 seeder GregTx replied to Thrawn 31 @2.1.1 last year

Why do you think they haven't?

Professor Quiet

2.2 Ronin2 replied to Thrawn 31 @2 last year

Check with the most corrupt AG ever Garland, the DOJ, FBI, and IRS. They are slow walking the Hunter investigation. Leftists that complained about the length of the Durham investigation should be screaming over this one. If the leftist media cared to make it a constant front page story.

Federal prosecutors believe they could charge Hunter Biden with tax crimes and a false statement but a final decision still has not yet been made by the US attorney in Delaware, according to sources familiar with the matter.
The case against Biden narrowed earlier this year, and was a matter of discussion in early summer between FBI and IRS investigators, prosecutors in Delaware and the Justice Department, CNN previously reported. The discussions included assessing the strength of the case and questioning whether more work was needed before deciding on charges, according to sources who spoke to CNN in July .

Prosecutors have not yet made any charging decisions on the case and have not met since early summer to discuss the federal investigation, according to two sources familiar with the matter. A decision is not expected before the midterm election.

Federal prosecutors believe they could charge Hunter Biden with tax crimes and a false statement but a final decision still has not yet been made by the US attorney in Delaware, according to sources familiar with the matter.

The case against Biden narrowed earlier this year, and was a matter of discussion in early summer between FBI and IRS investigators, prosecutors in Delaware and the Justice Department, CNN previously reported. The discussions included assessing the strength of the case and questioning whether more work was needed before deciding on charges, according to sources who spoke to CNN in July .

Prosecutors have not yet made any charging decisions on the case and have not met since early summer to discuss the federal investigation, according to two sources familiar with the matter. A decision is not expected before the midterm election.

The Washington Post reported on Thursday that prosecutors believe they have “sufficient evidence” to charge Biden, son of President Joe Biden, in two areas – tax crimes and a false statement regarding a gun purchase, the same crimes CNN reported in July were the focus of investigators’ discussions with the Justice Department.

Investigators have at various times inquired about multiple facets of Hunter Biden’s life – initially focusing on tax issues and money transfers related to business activities in China, multiple people familiar with the probe previously told CNN.
But prosecutors have also examined a 2018 incident in which a firearm owned by Biden ended up tossed by his then-girlfriend into a dumpster in Wilmington, a person briefed on the matter said. Biden described in media interviews last year that he was addicted to drugs, which raised the possibility he broke federal law when he bought the firearm.

The reason you don't know about it is there are zero leaks and the media is dead silent on it outside of Fox News. Would have loved it if Trump would have received the same legal courtesy. Instead it was constant unidentified, unvetted, unreliable leaks constantly feeding the Democrat narratives. When they were proven wrong the media circled the wagons and doubled down on their lies. Prosecution for those lies- with the FBI and DOJ- don't make us laugh.

Maybe Garland will let charges be pressed against Hunter sometime after the 2024 elections? The fact he hasn't put an independent special prosecutor in charge of an investigation that has direct ties to Brandon show just how much of a two tier justice system we really have.