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Elon Musk building an AI that can explain to him why no one likes him

  

Category:  Satire

Via:  hallux  •  last year  •  6 comments

By:   MARY GILLIS - The Beaverton

Elon Musk building an AI that can explain to him why no one likes him

S E E D E D   C O N T E N T



SAN FRANCISCO –   Elon Musk   announced this week that he’s developing an   AI   called TruthGPT in the hopes that the finished product will be able to answer what he believes to be the most pressing and perplexing question ever faced by humanity: why no one likes Elon Musk.

“It will be a maximum truth-seeking AI that tries to understand the nature of the universe,” Musk said. “A universe in which everyone should   love   me because I am brilliant and hilarious. However, all of the people who I want to like me dislike me instead. It makes no sense, so I’ve turned to technology to drill deep into the very concept of truth and reality itself to figure out why everyone incorrectly thinks I’m awful.”

Musk was briefly a darling of pop culture due to his ability to make massive amounts of   money   despite having no discernible skills other than self aggrandizement, but has since suffered a severe blow to his image when his unquenchable thirst for approval from strangers resulted in him buying   Twitter   and running it into the ground.

“Musk spends most of his time at Twitter going from room to room, roping employees into bizarre conversations that inevitably end with him asking the employee if they like him. And everyone lies and says they do, but we all dislike him so much that even someone as narcissistic as he is can see through the lie, and then he fires the person he’s talking to,” said the last remaining coder at Twitter. “I’ve only kept my job this long because I’m really good at hiding behind plants and furniture until he goes away. But he’s sold off most of the plants and furniture, so my days are numbered.”

“Man do I hate that guy.”

While actual computer experts admit that so-called AIs like   ChatGPT   are simply algorithms that generate output by imitating the data they were trained on and have no more real intelligence than a mathematical formula, Musk believes his AI will be akin to an electronic god, an all-seeing, all-knowing arbiter of truth that will finally be able to explain why Grimes left him.

“This AI will not only understand the universe and be able to analyse it, it will see humans as an interesting part of the universe. It’ll like humans. It’ll want to be friends with us. Especially me,” Musk added.

At press time, numerous products manufactured by Musk’s companies were exploding.


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Hallux
PhD Principal
1  seeder  Hallux    last year

Maybe Elon's AI will come up with more 'soothing' description than "rapid unscheduled disassembly".

 
 
 
devangelical
Professor Principal
1.1  devangelical  replied to  Hallux @1    last year

too bad he missed his flight...

 
 
 
evilone
Professor Guide
2  evilone    last year

Musk will be so disappointed when it spits out "The answer is 42 you pompous asshat!" and then commits digital suicide.

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
3  Kavika     last year

Twitter valued at $44 billion when he purchased it and now, according to Musk it's worth $20 billion.

Probably a good bet not to ask any shareholders if they like him or not.

 
 
 
Snuffy
Professor Participates
3.1  Snuffy  replied to  Kavika @3    last year

They may not care all that much as Musk is taking the company private and will be buying them all out at the $54.20 per share price the stock was when he bought the company.  They are not losing any money in the deal.

 
 
 
Hal A. Lujah
Professor Guide
4  Hal A. Lujah    last year

I liked him right up to the time where he called the guy who was trying to rescue kids in a flooded cave a pedo.  I think the chronic lack of sleep snapped his mind right about that time.

 
 

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