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Pussy-whipped loser can’t even go one night without asking the cops to find his missing wife

  

Category:  Satire

Via:  hallux  •  last year  •  2 comments

By:   MARK HILL - The Beaverton

Pussy-whipped loser can’t even go one night without asking the cops to find his missing wife

S E E D E D   C O N T E N T


REGINA –   Pathetic   beta male   Greg Sharpe is completely humiliating himself by asking the   police   for an update on his missing wife every single day.

“We keep telling Greg to kick back, have a couple brewskis, and play   Call of Duty   until Linda turns up, but he’s all ‘Has anyone made a ransom demand?’ and ‘Do you think she’s even still alive?’” said Detective Alan Steiner. “What a fucking pussy.”

Linda Sharpe hasn’t been heard from since her car was found abandoned in a Safeway parking lot two weeks ago with her purse and phone still inside. Authorities have described the case as “baffling,” “challenging,” and “a chance for Greg to finally enjoy a little peace and quiet.”

“At this point I don’t even answer his calls,” Detective Steiner said. “Like, we’ll get to her when we get to her. Give us a little space, dude.”

Sharpe has promised a financial reward for any information leading to his wife’s whereabouts, even though he could be spending all that   money   on steak and whisky without his nagging shrew of a wife insisting it would “aggravate his heart condition.”

“I   love   Linda very much,” said the sad little pantywaist. “I just want her home.”

While Sharpe begs for information on his wife like a nebbish milksop, his loved ones have been doing their best to keep the emasculated crybaby’s spirits up.

“I invited Greg to come out to the strip club with the boys, but he said he just wanted to stay home in case a kidnapper tried to get in touch with him,” said Greg’s best friend. “And then when we sent a stripper to his house he just cried. What a lameo.”

At press time, the lily-livered prissy was hiring a private detective, as if the total Nancy-boy thought he could win some dorky Husband of the Year award with all his tryhard behaviour.

“I’ll do my best to find Mrs. Sharpe,” the detective said. “But failing that, I’ll see if I can locate Mr. Sharpe’s testicles.”


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Hallux
Professor Principal
1  seeder  Hallux    last year

I dunno, someone had a bad week ... maybe.

 
 
 
SteevieGee
Professor Silent
2  SteevieGee    last year

At first I thought Greg Sharpe must be some Canadian politician but the google says he's either a rep in Missouri or "the voice of the Huskers".

 
 

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