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Moderna promises new vaccine will increase the likelihood of pointless debate

  

Category:  Satire

Via:  hallux  •  last year  •  2 comments

By:   ROB ITO - The Beaverton

Moderna promises new vaccine will increase the likelihood of pointless debate

S E E D E D   C O N T E N T


CAMBRIDGE, MA – Pharmaceutical company   Moderna   has released a statement guaranteeing their new   COVID   vaccine   will both decrease people’s chances of contracting the virus while boosting the likelihood they will get sucked into a meaningless argument about vaccination.

“Our new vaccine has been engineered not only to protect against the new variants of the virus but to be extra controversial thanks to a new key ingredient: medical science,” CEO Stéphane Bancel said in the statement.

“With this medication,   you   have 95% increased protection from the virus and 100% chance of your uncle saying something ignorant on   Facebook .”

Health   Canada   was quick to approve the new vaccination, which they think will give the country a much-needed boost in bickering levels.

“Since mid-2022, Canadians have seen a drop in COVID argument variants such as Loud Arguments, Misinformed Debates, and Disingenuous Fights,” said Dr. Melinda Ryder, a consultant for Health Canada’s COVID Squabble Control Department. “But this new vaccine could see us return to Freedom Convoy levels of rancorous discord.”

Side effects of the new vaccine include swelling, soreness, and being contacted by that one guy from high   school   who only reaches out to you to tell you something he saw on the Joe Rogan podcast.

If your post-vaccination   debate   lasts more than 4 hours, experts recommend contacting a rational friend immediately.

Canadians can book their vaccine appointments online at 4chan,   Reddit , and MMAforum.com.


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Hallux
Professor Principal
1  seeder  Hallux    last year

Snowbirds have been advised as to Floridian Quackery.

 
 
 
Kavika
Professor Principal
2  Kavika     last year
“Since mid-2022, Canadians have seen a drop in COVID argument variants such as Loud Arguments, Misinformed Debates, and Disingenuous Fights,” said Dr. Melinda Ryder, a consultant for Health Canada’s COVID Squabble Control Department. “But this new vaccine could see us return to Freedom Convoy levels of rancorous discord.”

LOL, perfect.

 
 

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