Re-Thugs in Congress Struggling to find a replacement for "SPINELESS KEVIN"
My Fellow, Re-Puritans, Re-Thugs, and Matt Gatz's "Renegade Retro-Tards", as you may know, members of our Concrete Congress are struggling with, perhaps, the biggest decision, in their short, limited, MAGA-LOON lives, to determine:
"Who is the best candidate to replace 'Spineless' Kevin as PREACHER of the House of Louses?"
To date, the stand-out "worst/best" candidates are, as follows:
1. Steve Scalise (La.) (R), known as "The David Duke Without Baggage".
2. Gym "Jockstrap" Jordan, (Oh.) (Redneck) a former wrestling coach, with baggage.
3. "Dirty Diaper Donnie" whose baggage is filled to the brim and dragged behind him leaving dark, ugly shat, stained streaks on the "Sacred Halls of Congress's" floors, halls, walls, steps, etc., in much the same exquisite, artistic manner employed by those lovely, thoughtful "Proud Boy" Insurrectionists used did on:
"Make America Grate Day, January 6th", when Vice President Pence (the cow-towing coward) was supposed to disolve the Electro-Magnetic College Vote, quietl y, replacing it with "warm snacks" from Donnie's CRACK, as a tribute to:
Matt Gatz
Paul Gozar
Marjorie Taylor Green
Lauren Blow-bert
George Santos
Tim Scot
and, a hundred and thirty low-functioning Re-Tards currently taking up space from people who can read.
Fox TV Network Noise claims that the MAGA-LOONS are what they are because they all are addicted to Trump's SHAT, which Donnie refers to as his newest scam product, "Chocolate Covered Shat fer Morons".
However, on January 6th, a date that shall go down in infamy, that punk, Miss Pence, the airhead, forgot what she/he was ordered to do by the Big ORANGE Honcho , "Dirty Diaper Donnie", and blew the whole damn scheme up.
It was a "PERFECT, BEAUTIFUL, LOVELY COUP" Donnie screamed at the TV, calling Pence a "wimp".
Had DJT been on site, Pence would have been hung by the Oat Keepers and fed to the hungry crowd of enraged, starving MAGA-LUNATICS only to be too willing to "tear shat up"!
In the White House, now known as the SHAT HOUSE, "Dirty Diaper Donnie" screamed at the TV and threw catchup bottles at the wall when, "Micky, the Pussy", as DJT preferred to call, that worthless knucklehead, vapid-failed VP, who FAILED to execute the Commander-In-Shat's TOP SECRET & CLASSIFIED instructions!
At that moment, Pence became, "Dead Man Walking" to the normally generous, compassionate, lovey-dovey President Trump
Well, my beloved (not really) "NEWS TALKERS .communists and Fellow Fiends", it is my sad duty to tell you that Republicans in this new, Congested, Fart-Free Congress have a difficult decision to make that must include the ever-expanding MAGA-LUNATIC, juvenile delinquents newbies within Congress, who are new to Congress, but not NEW to violence?
Fellow News Talkers Fiends , I ass you:
"Would you be willing to help our Repulsive Retreads, within the Republican Majority in the House of Bull Shatters, with some senseless suggestions for who should replace that "Spineless, Two-Face, Flip-Flopping Kevin McCarty"?
George Santos's name comes up a lot.
Please, take our SENSELESS SURVEY, it only takes 36 hours and comes with a vial of Speed.
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Thank you for your service to our CUNT-TRY, we try, but some die, don't cry, by-by. - Jonathan Lipschitz
(Formerly Jonathan Livingston Pigeon-Poo, "Doctored", but the indictments became so burdensome that it required a name change). Do you like it? I need your approval. I am so insecure.
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Speaker of the House is beneath Trump's opinion of himself, so he will "respectfully" decline being named Speaker by acclamation. He will lead his fawning toadies among the right wing politicians on though by letting the likes of Sean Hannity talk it up.
Well said! America made that your clarion call every damn day until the election of 2024.
The contest for Squawker of the House has been twiddled to two Republicans bound for the ash heap of this new Re-Tard, Christian-Conservatives Party of the "Learning Disable, but who, do not "Wet their Pants".
They are:
Stevie Scalise (La. R) "David Duke Without Baggage"!
Gym "Jockstrap" Jordan (Oh. R) "With baggage"!
However, Dirty Diaper Donnie has raised his dirty diaper and put his ARSE on the scale in favor of GYM "Jockstrap" Jordan. T-Rump explained his decision to the "Knuckled Heads", posing as Journalists on FOX TV's FAKE NEWS, that "Jockstrap" is an
accused Sexual Predator, and, therefore, would be more compatible with Donnie.
Trump was considering endorsing Elise Stefanik for Speaker but decided she's too chunky in the backside. Not his type.
Donnie really has a high flauti taste. Two of his three wives were raised in Communist households, by Communist parents, and educated in Communist schools, controlled by Communist governments.
One of the two dropped out of college after her freshman year to join the PORN INDUSTRY and star in videos of "Girl on Girl Sex". Do you know which one?
T-Rump has a backside, too, and he does not like someone showing him up.
The democrats who despise "MAGA" joined them in total unison to remove the man who compromised with democrats.
I only hope McCarthy is replaced with Jim Jordan. That would be justice well served.
Jim Jordan cant get jack shit enacted. He can get a million wild ass far right wish list bills passed in Congress and they will all go nowhere because the Senate will not entertain them.
Beyond that thudding reality , there is also the fact that 18 Republican house members will run for re-election next year in districts Biden won in 2020. It is doubtful many of them will vote all the time whatever way Jordan likes. Bottom line - Jim Jordan will compromise with Democrats also or get absolutely nothing passed into law.
Oh wait, what am I saying ?
Jim Jordan doesnt want to pass any laws, he wants to destroy government.
Which is why we need the Democrats to retake the House.
Those bills will be there for the next Senate.
Beyond that thudding reality , there is also the fact that 18 Republican house members will run for re-election next year in districts Biden won in 2020. It is doubtful many of them will vote all the time whatever way Jordan likes. Bottom line - Jim Jordan will compromise with Democrats also or get absolutely nothing passed into law.
Neither will democrats if Jordan is Speaker.
Give Them HELL, Johnny!
Makes sense! No JOCKSTRAPS in Congress!
Vic Eldred:
Democrats sided with the Republican majority because "Spineless" Kevin does keep his word. Instead, he keeps Marjorie Taylor Green by his bedside for Nightly Advise.
Hey e.t.p.d.n.r.i.
Did you see my non-American objective and totally unbiased centrist suggestions from afar for House Speaker?
1. Trump himself, as Speaker he would have an ideal venue to keep the duct tape off his mouth and broadcast his personal wild beliefs.
2. Liz Cheney. That would empower the more moderate Republicans to enable them to prove to the electorate that principle and integrity is more important to them than personal benefit.
3. Bring back Pelosi. I think she was able to maintain fairly good control of the house and except for that ridiculous scene of her tearing up a document that didn't please her, she held a modicum of respect.
4. Canada's now removed Speaker of the House, even though he supported a Nazi while Zelenskyy was there and watching, he needs a new job, and at least he's experienced with the necessary duties. Of course he may need to be given American citizenship first.
5. Monica Lewinsky. She knows how to suck up support when it's needed. However she's been known to blow it.
6. Wang Yi, China's Foreign Minister. In the classic 'Art of War', written by China's Sun Tzu many years ago, it says "Know Your Enemy" and that would give America a good start on that (or is it actually the other way around? - LOL).
Yup, that seems very unbiased and centrist /S
That you Vic, we, here at Eat The Press - Do Not Read It, can always count on you for good, solid, unmovable advice.
Is that YOUR unbiased opinion? I suggested a Republican, a disowned Republican, a Democrat, a Canadian, a C***S***** and a Communist. That's about as unbiased as can be.
We'll settle for "all inclusive?"
Okay.
Well, then, ["REMOVED do not change members names to an insult",] narrows it down to LAUREN BLOWBERTS, she is a professional "Handler" who has the ability to excite MEN, WOMEN [&] all those in between.
Thank you, Wizard. That settles the conflict brewing between EXTREMIST MAGA -LUNATICS on the Right, and FAKE MODERATES who ain't right in the head.
That's the way we like it!
Actually, I just thought of an answer to the border problem. Put Donnie and Lauren at the border and they'll grab everyone by the you-know-what who tries to cross the border.
Excellent suggestion! I shall send my SUPER SECRET telepathic message to the President. It is absolutely brilliant and very cost effective.
Putting "BAD PEOPLE" to use, doing "GOOD THINGS"!
You are a GENIUS, and I, only your humble servant.
Excellent suggestions, I prefer, at the moment LIZ CHENEY, at least we know she can read.
The rest have had their day, and show quietly go away.
Okay, but it wasn't necessary to make a poem out of it.
An aside:
I remember when Momma would beat me with a stick for misbehaving, I miss that!
Now, I have to enrage MAGA-LOONS to get my kicks. Some of those boys were professional football kickers. They get their KICKS that way. And, in a way, I did, too.
That is how I got my handle, Jonathan Lipschitz! We all have to be something.
By the way, I got an "URGENT" call from "Dirty Diaper Donnie". It seems he is running out of his SUPER-SECRET ammo, "SHAT", and asked (begged me) to chair his SHAT REQUEST "HOTLINE"!
T-Rump Buns is America's Number One SHATTER, and, unfortunately from overuse, he is nearly spent.
"Dirty Diaper" fans, please, pretty please, send your #2 to #45.
He is on his last gas attack, which, as you all know, is a smoke screen, and not as effective as SPEWING SHAT orally.
Choices are narrowing down:
Gym "Jockstrap" Jordan, goes down.
Scalise, The David Duke Without the Baggage.
Kevin McCarthy, who said he would not run again for Speaker, but may.
Pat Henry, is a unique Cracker, who can read and write.
The Republican Party is now scrapping beneath the bottom of the barrel.