Canadian oil companies bemoan regulations that keep them from being as evil as their US counterparts
S E E D E D C O N T E N T
OTTAWA – Canada ’s top oil producers have issued a joint statement saying government overregulation is keeping the country’s oil industry from having the same negative output as their United States equivalents.
“Did you know that America has sold 80% of Alaska to Exxon?” claimed Suncor Energy’s VP of Pollution , Janice Karlow. “Meanwhile, every time we propose to melt all the snow in the Yukon, Parliament shuts it down.”
“These Feds don’t know what it’s like to have to tell your kids they won’t get to visit you in prison, because the company’s suffering output dropped 20% this quarter.”
Feelings of inadequacy when compared to the American industry are nothing new to those in the energy sector. Merle McCain, an emissions amplification specialist at Irving, says he’s been jealous of the long leash his counterparts in the States have for quite a while.
“My cousin in Louisiana says they tie one woman to the train tracks a day down there,” noted McCain. “It’s kind of hard to compete with that, with all the red tape here. We actually had to let half of our Assassination Department go last week.”
Industry analyst/bribe collector Irving K. Irving from Husky, New Brunswick says that even ignoring the government meddling in oil companies’ wrongdoings, the US has always outpaced Canada when it comes to innovations in evil.
“We definitely have the resources to be as detrimental to humanity as the Americans, just not the imagination,” noted Irving. “I mean, they have stuff down there they’re calling “clean coal’? You just know every Canadian oil CEO is kicking themselves for not coming up with that trend.”
At press time, the boards of every major Canadian Oil company were pooling their funds together to see if this was the year they could buy a politician other than Danielle Smith, who keeps asking when the next cabal meeting is despite knowing she wasn’t invited.
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Hang in there guys, only a year to go and Canada will rid itself of the most inept commie in history (yes, he's even more inept than Steve Bannon) and you will have 4 years to stuff your nests just like a Disney seagull.
I looked at a map and since Canada is at the top, any oil spill will run down into the US. It will be like free oil!
Good one
I'm worried about them melting all the snow in the Yukon! That would create terrible flooding in the Lower 48!
The Yukon river basin flows through Alaska into the Bering Sea. On top of that the Yukon has next to null oil:
Well I feel like a darn fool.
Not to worry, Trump loves you.
That was mean and uncalled for. I am not poorly educated!
<smile>