Americans choose most expensive way possible to discover what goods made in Canada
S E E D E D C O N T E N T
WASHINGTON, D.C. – With US President Donald Trump declaring 25% tariffs on most Canadian goods, American citizens have officially chosen the most circuitous and economically painful method possible to investigate what everyday goods originate from Canada .
Washington insiders reportedly considered consulting Canadian diplomats, or even Wikipedia, to determine which household items are manufactured in the nation of Canada. However, the president instead chose to “roll the dice” by instituting massive unprovoked tariffs, drastically increasing the price of Canadian goods for the average American consumer.
“I’m a pretty savvy shopper,” explains Howard Rusnick, of Mobile, Alabama. “But just to check, there’s no way that lumber, gasoline, electricity, AND cars are all made in Canada, and will immediately cost me thousands of dollars more per year. Right?”
Rusnick added, “Also, there’s no chance that potash is made in Canada, and that America gets 50% of our potash from there, and also what is potash?”
The Canadian government has insisted that information on domestic goods is readily available to all trading partners, even including nations that recently elected a felony-convicted game show host to be their head of state. Instead, the United States has decided to employ a rarely-chosen trade tactic that international economists refer to as the “fuck around and find out” model.
International observers have noted that American consumers could possibly be spared from discovering which common purchases originate in Canada. “This depends on a few factors,” explains Prof. Sheila Singh, of the London School of Economics. “As long as Americans aren’t particularly attached to gassing up their cars, or eating beef, or using any electricity at all. Then they may not be forced to discover how much of that stuff comes from Canada.”
Singh adds, “Oh, and it would also be helpful is a large portion of a major US city hadn’t recently burned down in a series of wildfires, and they aren’t looking for Canadian lumber with which to rebuild. Otherwise, oh boy, sucks to be them.”
Meanwhile at the President’s Mar-A-Lago resort, Trump explained his reasoning. “Sure, we could’ve looked up this Canada information in some stupid book,” explained Trump in the middle of DJ-ing a wedding with 18 straight plays of ‘YMCA’. “But we all know that books are full of woke, and DEI, so we don’t like books. Books are very nasty. Instead, I’m going to attack the economy of America’s largest trading partner, and throw international trade into potentially irreparable chaos. Seems easier.”
“Or at least, that’s what Putin and Elon told me to do. I’m just following orders,” added Trump, before returning to pose for selfies with nearby donors.
Back in Ottawa, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has reportedly prepared a raft of counter-tariffs, including on Canada's supply of hunky actors named Ryan.
At press time, President Trump has directed his DOJ to arrest any American smart enough to explain why tariffs on Canada are a terrible fucking idea.
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Seems to me that Donald Dodo has take George Carlin's advice concerning stupidity to heart.
LOL, who the hell needs lumber, we’ll build with, with WTF.
One word, my friend. Plastics!
Elect crazy, get crazy policies. Republican voters are about to find that out the hard way.
Why is Canada punishing Canadians with tariffs? If tariffs are so self evidently bad for Americans, why would Canada respond at all? Won't they just backfire on America and that cause their own repeal? Aren't Americans supposed to be the victims of American tariffs?
The payment of tariffs does come exclusively from the importer. However, tariffs still hurt exporters because higher prices mean less sales. So, they hurt both sides. Seems pretty dumb, right?
Yes, why aren’t they rolling over and capitulating like maga does? It’s a mystery.
By punishing Canadians, who will pay the tariffs? If one believes the anti-tariff rhetoric coming from the left, the smartest thing Canada could do would be to remove all tarriffs and let the US suffer from the tariffs they implemented
With that superior logic we should just impose 50% tariffs to every country on earth. To respond means they will be punishing themselves. Genius.
Isn't the claim that tariffs punish the country that install them?
and also what is potash?”
Whatever it is-- its going to cost us one helluva lot more to buy any (if we ever want it!)
Has anyone here ever noticed a series of numbers (like 5-10-5) on a bag of fertilizer?
Potash is used in marking fertilizer for farmers and the US uses a lot of it and Canada is our source for around 80% used in the US.