A Trip To The Opera - Kavika Down Under In The Land of Oz
We were living in Australia at the time and my wife was an opera fan. Me, not so much, well actually not at all...Really I hated it.
I had been on a business trip to S.E. Asia and had just returned home. We were living in an area of Sydney named Elizabeth Bay, or as we knew it, E Z Bay. I was a bit tired and was looking forward to sitting on the patio and watching the boats sail by with a drink in hand. Just as I settled in the Redhead tells me we are going to the Sydney Opera House to see an opera, some German name. Oh no Red, I'm tired, stressed out and need some rest. I did not want to go watch the ''Fat Lady'' sing.
Needless to say we ended up going to the opera. Black Tie and all. On the way to our seats we stopped and had a glass of wine, this was not a good idea. First off I don't drink, second I was dead tired. Third, well I'll tell you the story.
We were escorted to our seats by a beautiful young lady, this was a good sign. Settling in, let me tell you, the Aussies do a lot of thing right, but making comfortable seats is not one of them. Once settled in, the people around us were chatting. I'm not a chatter and being tired didn't add to my chattyness. Of course the Redhead was all a twitter and talking to everyone.
Soon the lights went down, and the band started. I know it's not a band, it's an orchestra, but I'm a band kind of guy and I'm writing the story so band it will be. Within seconds the stage was covered with some really strange looking people in helmets, hair in braids which I thought was pretty cool. Then the singing started. Oh my, my ears went into revolt, it was horrible. Suffering though this for some time my thoughts began to wander, the wine was taking effect and I was getting pretty mellow. Propping my elbow on the arm support I was suddenly hit the the dreaded ''JET LAG'' effect.
The woman sitting next to me was in her early to mid 40's, and rather well built. As my head leaned against my hand, it struck...JET LAG and I was asleep in a second. The next thing that I knew my elbow had slipped off the arm rest and I went head first into the biggest boobs in Australia. The Redhead was mortified, I was well, comfortable with the pillows that I landed on and the woman was terrified and let out a scream that could be heard throughout the opera house.
Struggling to remove my head from her boobs I made the awful discovery that my head was stuck to her boobs. By now most people in the Opera House were looking at us. What in the hell, why is my head stuck to her boobs...Then the real terror stuck me. My hair, which I wore in a pony tail, was stuck in a broach that she was wearing. The more I tried to pull away only managed to pull her boobs towards me. I was being attacked by the biggest boobs in Australia. Red was beside herself, the woman was hysterical and the audience was really beginning to think that this could turn into an international incident. Of course the ''Fat Lady'' kept singing and the band played on.
Knowing that my life was hanging in the balance, I put my hands on the women's shoulders, held them firm and jerked my head back. I felt like my hair was being ripped out by the roots when a broach went flying by my head and struck the elderly gentlemen sitting in front of us in the back of the head. Red was screaming at me, ''What are you doing'', I have to admit it looked bad, my hands on her shoulders, her dress ripped and one boob dangerously close to jumping out, the old guy in front of us claiming that I had attacked him.
I had to do something quickly. Pulling myself to my feet and looking at the woman with a stunned look on my face, I said in a very loud voice, ''Well I never expected to be attacked at the Opera, please ma'dam keep your hands to yourself.'' Grabbing the Redhead, who by now was on the verge of a a complete breakdown, by the arm I marched, head held high, to the exit and left the building.
I later found out that the broach was worth about $10,000 and the woman was the wife of the deputy under-director of something or other at the U.S. Embassy.
Needless to say my wife never asked me to go to the opera again. Oh, I was sent back to the states shortly thereafter.
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The front page needs some humor. This is a true story.
LMAO... Only you!
See! You make trouble where ever you go! This could have been an international disaster, and you would have had to return you MBE.
Wow ... no wonder you don't like opera !
Didn't the ''Platters'' do that song, ONLY YOU....
It had everything BF. Violence, a chase scene, boobs, and an international incident. What more could you ask for...LOL
That's an understatement Petey...
Happy that you, the family and friends got a laugh out of it Ambiv.
ROFL...I remember this story Kav, and it's just as funny as it was the first time I read it...thevisuals... MADONE!
You really should get your writings published ! Great story..great job!! Thanks!!
Thanks Nona, it was truly an errrr, adventure.
Well, you obviously weren't the "nervous titter" running through the Opera house.
(Have to tell you that story sometime
)
( not a boob man huh?). Well, yes I am. But this ''encounter'' was a little to public...LOLOLOL
Naw, never nervous 1st. In fear of my life though. Red did not think it was funny at all.
''nervous titter''...Hmmmm, looking forward to that story.
Thank you for keeping us abreast regarding one of your adventures.
Billy Crystal, in his book "Still Foolin' 'Em," gave a similar account of falling asleep at a show and having his wife give him an elbow
His didn't work?
Oh my gosh!!! That is so funny!
I, too, am not a fan of opera-- I don't care who it is singing. Erico Carruso may have kept me glued to my seat, but I don't think anyone else can... Anyway, I'm glad you survived, and obviously, the lady was able to retrieve her brooch, and the elderly gentleman managed to deal with his "assault", and all turned out well.
I hope to see his as a comedy routine someday!!!
One of many adventures Mac.
I remember the Billy Crystal and the elbow...LOL
You should have been there Dowser...LOL, it was beyond a comedy routine.
Erico Carruso may have kept me glued to my seat, but I don't think anyone else can...
Pavarotti could hold me spellbound!
Ah! I had forgotten him!!! Maybe he could have...
I can only imagine, and am very glad you survived it, marriage intact!
He was "chubby", but his voice was amazing!! IMO
No, I played, and still have, my grandparent's and Uncle Louie's 78s.
They're record collections began about 1918...
I think the hisses and ticks, etc. make it more interesting! You haven't lived until you've heard Frank Sinatra's "Someone to (tic) watch over (tic) me...."
Extreme yet effective strategy for gettin' outta the opera,,,plus boobs were involved. Well done kavika and kudos!
:~)
Ummmm........do you have her address? Would she let me put my face in her boobs, too? Boobs are good.
It comes natural Larry.
Our conversation didn't get to that point Grump. LOLOLOL
No, Kavika, THAT'S an understatement. Great story my friend.
LOL pokermike, I guess it was a bit of an understatement.
LOL, you two....Being an expert tracker. I use all my senses.
NO, don't even go there.
I absolutely love this story. Will never grow tired of reading it.
And what is worse - every time I see a woman wit big boobs I remember this story and picture Kavika stuck in there