Understanding Trumpers Ridin' dat Speed'n Trump Trainwreck to "Hill Billy Heaven"
WARNING: This tome is Not for the Refined . We are Urinalists - Not Journalists! The wetness you are feeling is part and parcel to the entire experience. After all, we are writing about Donald J. Trump!
Recent Reviews:
- " The rough, raw, acid-like trip through the minds of Trumpers is terrorizing! However, this critic, after having his palm greased multiple times, believes that it is the best view of lying, cheating, soon to be ex-president, since, Mary Trump's book!" - Winthrop Merridethe, The Turd...er...III.
- Other, "less than glowing reviews" are from bitter, angry, jealous Conservative Writers."
"Good Golly, Miss Molly, it sucks!" - Little Richard, on his Death Bed!
- "I don't remember this coming across my desk!" - GOD
FORWARD: (I guess I am. Not to worry, it only gets worse after this!)
My Dear, Queer, Fellow Legion of Fans, Misfits, and recently "Pardoned by Trump Felons:
I must confess, that after much contemplation (17.5 nanoseconds) I decided to post this article under "News & Such," after all, I am, among many things, an "Investigative Reporter," of some acclaim, no shame!
I have been investigated countless times by every creditable local, state, and federal agency in the USA, and, abroad.
I particularly enjoyed the investigations by "abroad." The "strip searches" were always tastefully performed. "Cold hands - Warm heart!"
Forgive me, I digress.
As, I was saying, from my extensive (17.5 nanoseconds of RESEARCH, a vexing accomplishment) I became aware, that I am as well versed in my field, as I suspect, most Trump Supporters , are not in theirs...cornfields!
As, per usual, all complaints should be sent to CB!
CB, as most of you know, is a tad-bit of a "masochist," and, being a black man, can handle it. I cannot. I am a fully registered, "White pussy cat!"
However, all compliments, cash offers, tithes, and/or artistic "selfies" (photos from you ladies over 70) should, of course, be forwarded to moi, % EAT THE PRESS - DO NOT READ IT, located in the lovely, but, nearly all torn down, Village of Idiots, Mildew, Ohio, "Where Mildew & Mold Are One!'
We are situated next to the County Waste Treatment Plant... Just a Sharp Right Turn from Common Sense!
"Are you, ready, Teddy, to Rock & Mold... to be body-slammed to the canvas right on your uptight, pompous ARSES, Prudes? Then, show us your "titties! Let the Show Begin!"
ANNR: "Some attendees may experience the Best, and, in some cases, the ONLY CLIMAX in their humdrum, dull, boring, pent-up, caged-in, Right Wing Life!"
VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED!
"Now, relax, Brothers 'N' Sistas of the Corn Hole De-Generation, you are in for a rocky ride. Disgusting journalism is thrown against the wall, in a heat of raw, hot, passionate, sensuous exertion, then, ravenously molested!
(You have been worn-down...er...warned!)
ANNOUNCER: (That'll be me)
"So, don't cry to me, Momma's Boys and Daddy's Little Lacy Ladies. "
"And, now, Ladies & Gentle Girlie-Men, I am happy to present, Jonathan Livingston Pigeon-Poo, "Doctored," with another, inspiring, uplifting article (if I must say so, myself, because no one, and I mean, no one ever said that before!)
"Am I not Flesh & Blood. If you Prick me, do I not Bleed"... and, in my case, squeal?
Sorry, I was overcome with that moment of Shakespeare. Please, allow me to start over.
"I am happy...well...not...happy...more like...delighted...to present to you:
This QUIVERING, NAUGHTY MASTERPIECE, written by an Idiot, published by a Moron, titled:
" My Daddy, Makes America Grate on every American's Last Nerve, by Forcing People to Sit on his Lap, until he is finished with them, then, callously tosses them, Under the Bus! "
That's because my daddy is not like his opponent, Mister Nice Compassionate Man!
My daddy is a ruthless, SOB, true leader, like Melania's lover, Putin!
"MAKE AMERICA GRATE, AGAIN," shouted, I-wan-ka "Trash-Talkin' Trump!"
( Careful - Sharp Edges! )
Please, friends, feints, and, fellow meatheads @ thenewstalkers.com. (Commies, pinkos, socialists, liberals) do not read it in the bathroom, then, try to return it for a "refund." )
I do not do refunds! I keep all the cash, for me "stash." Don't you?
Besides, everything we do, here, at "Eat the Press-Do Not Wipe Your Bun With It," is within the strict adherence to the White-Washed, Out-House's COVID19 Guidelines!
( Violators Will Be Terminated!)
Trump's second term is going to be aborted, thanks to those hard-knuckled, Pro-Women's Rights Groups.
("I heard that! FU**, YOU, Arse Wipe! ") - Author
NOTE: To our "readers," who, because of Trump, have no jobs, no focus in life, no purpose, and, due to their laziness, may still be with us, remember this:
We always flush 19 times, after our "Morning Trump Dump!"
You should, too! Start your day refreshed! Don't Ferget to: "Wipe Your Pence!"
That thang is More Toxic Than your Trump Dump!
"---This has been a paid PSA from Friends of America That Can READ!"
"All, together, now, let's sing it!...er...I mean...wing it! Golf, anyone? Pussy, someone?"
Vomiting is more like it! If you ask me!
("No one asked you. STFU!")
That is PRECISELY what this nation of dimwitted, dingbats and unlicensed rats are doing at this very minute, ever since that Orange Buffoon, Donald J.Trump, illegally enter the White House on the back of Putin.
The good people of this nation are violently expectorating the toxins in their system from the decades of "Republican Rule," and the three and a half years of "Trump's NO RULE," just golfing, twittering, and messing around with the government.
The institutionalized political greed, insider-trading, blatant corruption, vulture-capitalism, and, the "Sin of All Sin - ADULATION of WEALTH" is kicking America's Ass!
You may want to send all the children out of the room, and, any of your "hanger-on GOP friends".
The following is not appropriate for the "Fallen!
(Now, here, is where you, do your part. Jump up & down, race to a window, be sure to open it, and scream, so the Worried World might hear you, "F*** You, Donald TRUMP!"
(Didn't that make you feel better. Did you climax? Write to me, tell me all about it. I did!)
"We Are Better Than This, " John Lewis reminded fellow citizens, up until his final moments on this Earth! "We Are Better Than This!"
-
Are we?
Trump has turned our world upside down , wrong is right, right is wrong, only the strong survive.
His mantra of, "Worship, emulate the rich is wreaking havoc on our country. It is no longer important, "How One Got Rich, " (my new book coming out next week), it ONLY matters that we be rich Bitches! Right, that down!"
"Let them eat cake," is the standard-bearer for the Republican Party of Soulless Ingrates .
"So what, if Putin interfered with our election? Who cares? Russia is our friend."
The REAL THREAT to 'Murcia' is green grass, clean water, breathable air. The things that Liberals, the scourge of the Earth, (especially, those smug, Holier Than Thou, "Queens from Queens;" those stuck-up , Harvard-educated, East Coast Liberals, like Barack Hussein Obama."
They are nothin' but "the off, off-offsprings of pot smokin', GODLESS, Socialists, under the Mind Control Cabal of Bernie Sanders and AOC."
"Down with Social Studies!
"Down with Sociology,
"Down with Social Distancing!"
"Down with Up!"
It's all just another, "Loose Lips - Sink Ships," Socialist Plot to undermind TRUMP's achievements.
(It's time for a BREAK, SHAT, smoke, or, more SEX !)
(Please, remember to wash your hands, or, use a hand sanitizer. This site may be contaminated with many more diseases than COVID19!)
OK, we are back! (Front, too!) Did everything come out all right?
-
Play : "Cheers," theme song!
Music Up: " Making your way through the night...You want to be where everyone knows your name...!"
"WELCOME BACK, Nitwits, DimWit, and, Fellow NewsTalkers. Communist! That was an "unauthorized potty break." Next time, I will tear your guts out!
"Trump is God's Right Hand Man! And, Satan's Apprentice , proof-positive that Two Wrongs Make One Right!
"Put that in your damn, Hippy Dope Pipe , and, toke on it!
Fellow Dems, Lesbian, Riff-Raff, and Helpless Idealists, I must rip the gold scales from your eyes and sell them to the highest bidder.
You see, my fellow quarantine comrades-in-rabble-rousing, (that'll be us) these Qanons (queer folks) are the very, merry "ferries" responsible for the plague caused by "The ENEMAS OF THE DEEP STATE," on their swishing Witches' Brooms! (Google It!)
"Brothers & Sistas of the Corn-Hole Degeneration, you know, who I am talkin' to, those damnable, left-leaning LIBERALS, too, lazy to get a job. Livin' High Off da' Hog!
"They are the worthless, scum buckets that fuel the "looting, the protesting, the Rioting for Fun & Profit," taught to them by Nuns, "Sun up to Sundown," in every Roman Catholic School in 'Murika!
"These black-robed communists sympathizers push their platform upon politicians, too, stupid to know the difference .
"Now, fucklorists, these modern-day Salem Witches are shoving their subliminal, poisonous doctrines down the throats of innocent, virginal college kids from good Baptist families.
"God Damn the Marxists!"
They are the ones in the Demoncrat Party that snuck that evil phrase into the Preamble of our God-given Constitutions with an Amendment sign by Trump, who never reads anything. That buffoon simply signed Executive Order, written in Crayola!
It reads, "An Eye For An Eye! A Horseshoe for a Horseshoe!"
Who in the name of Hades, here, in Murika, even knows what that means?
I seriously doubt that our FAKE POTUS, Real POS, does?
Perhaps, folklorists, you, too, are contaminated by Trump's Bull Chips, spewed out nightly on Twitter ! But, you don't know it; but, your Butt shows it, and you need to... pull it up or tuck it in!
MORE SERMON - LESS CUTE:
From "cradle to grave," from Sea to Shining Sea minor, this destructive "Mantra" from DJT has been brainwashing you, his supporters, and the easily led Conservative Republicans in Congress, aka, "Snowflakes!"
For instance, did you know that Louis De Joy, Postmaster General! (Who in Hell names their kid "De Joy?") He is one of them.
Wilber Ross, Secretary of Something, another?
How did he (Trump) do it, you ask?
It's not all Trump!
The demise has been oozing since the 1950s via subliminal advertisements, on all TV Networks. These despicable ads originate from a Pizza joint in N.J., where Hillary Clinton has reportedly been seen eating children made into pizza dough.
It's on the internet. (Google It!)
I am deeply disturbed, and, worried that our young, nubile, impressionable teenagers are being spoon-fed these lies, night and day, day and night, in their schools, their universities, their fraternities, college bars (dens of homosexuals), and, their government-sanctioned, Evangelical church es, for the expressed purpose of entrapping "good people," extricating us from our own traps: Jobs, Watching TV, Fox Nut-works News, even "Dancin' in the Streets" with Homeless Bums.
There is a real fear that our undisciplined, party-going, college kids, the "non-social distancing" ones, suck it up like "MAYONAISE ON WHITE BREAD FROM HEAVEN!"
( Which, Dr. Fauci says that it is. It is sold exclusively, at all Trump properties).
So, help me, Garf, this offshoot of COVID19 , will, in a matter of second, turn the "unsaved, the unwashed Sinners of The Jesus," into lazy, indolent moochers for life. I should know. I am one of them.
A card-carrying member of Coven Witches & Werewolves, from Salem Mass-a-chew-your-asses, won't even allow the Bible to be taught in the classroom, but, they will allow the Devil's words to be part of their curriculum, forcing high school students to learn LATIN (Pig Latin), and, sign languages.
That is how aliens communicate, with sign language! Ever see the movie, "Sign?"
It shows how alien semen is everywhere, even in our dirty, discarded underwear!
It is what is causing many of us to turn against our own religion and start believing exclusively, in Donald J. Trump. Some even proclaiming that that pile of fermented SHAT, "the Donald" is GOD!
Now, damn it, fart, Hell that is a Bridge Too Far!
And, it is all because of Trump's newest Covid19 Czar, Doctor Stella Mumbo-Jumbo, who is controlling his mind with orange Cheetos.
Naturally, as Liberals, this new outbreak of "S uckin' off of da' system" caught on, spreading rapidly from East to West Coast, while, hard-working Church-going, Super White-Whity-White folks, who always washed behind their ears, toiled at jobs they hated, makin' no more than minimal wages began to turn from their backwood, primitive religion, too!
DAMN IT!
Is anyone still following this revelatory dissertation?
(Type 3-3-3, three times, multiply by 2, and, send it to me if you are. So I know you are not mesmerized, as I once was, but, not I am not, because I no longer get "Stripped Searched.")
Man do I miss that!
Please, it is important, let me know if you are listening, even asleep, in a coma, or, having sex. (If you are, I will watch you!)
CHAPTER DOS ANOS !
(It will probably take some folks that long to read it. After all, I was only one of twelve in the
Save this TOME for your Sunday Reading when you are all lathered up on that "homespun, backwoods, primitive Hootin' & Hollerin', Talkin' 'n' Tongue religious induced "Extasy". It washes down better!
Something is Wrong wit 'dat Boy!
On my investigative trip to the Deep South (Ken-Yuck-eee), I interviewed, well, listen to a bunch of Southerner, primitive, backwoods folks, who wore their breeches inside-out, and backward, as a jester of protest.
"Man," I thought to myself, "that must be hard on the nuts!"
Folks from Dixie do not take a knee. They always stand when da PEE!
Rite dat down in your-in. "Book of Grievinances & Injuries!"
'Cause one day, soon, Cousin, dem dare Northern Towels Tossers will be a forced to pay restitution fer what they done did to the South during dat CIVIL WAR, Hogs draggin' German-Sherman like March through
Old Dixies, Singin', "That a be the Day that I Die, Rose Mary's Baby! Drinking Whiskey & Rye! Until da Hive Kills them off, Hoss!"
As, I, and my videographer, pulled into the graveled drive of the residence that my secretary, Linda Lovelace, had set up for me to "interview" some "really dirt poor, hill-folks," that I might have some fun humiliate them by asking:
"Why are you, folks, so, damn angry? So, enamored of Trump?"
" HEY, you Damn Yankee! Don't u be a cussin' like dat when you be speakin' about our ANOINTED By GOD, FAKE president, real POS," grimaced the larger Neanderthal, in his Tommy Hilsfigure T-Shirt and clod-hoppers?
"That monkey, ain't foolin', anyone," I said to myself, and me -self, said back to me, "Mask It or Casket." So, I spoke not a word.
Immediately, that is to say, "right away," I ducked, as every dang, gum one of them reached for their weapons.
Moun
I struck up a conversation, of sorts, with a man (I think it was a man) who had traveled all the way from that " Not So Great State of Georgia , on a lopsided, upside-down way of life." he sad!
"I rode me back-ass donkey to be here fer this historic interview, or, fer the other ----"!
"What other?" I asked sensing something foreboding.
"Da Night-Time Torch Burning Sacrifice of da' Old White Man 'n' his Colored 'Assist (CB) Over 'Da Slippery Mountain Cliffs... where no one returns!"
In a calmer, more gentle tone, he asked, "Is it really, a "Potty Cast from Ur-anus? Or, is that a stick in your butt?"
I surmised that at that precise moment my career, and possibly my life, was ending, post-haste, that is to say, "right that damn minute!"
So I approached the docile fella, who was slumped over, as if he had been shot, probed up in the corner on the front porch, like a "staged murder scene."
I approached him with caution, touched him slightly with the microphone, so, as not to "contaminate the evidence," and, truthfully, to determine for myself, if in fact, he was shot in the head, or, confirm that...hat sizeable hole, three inches wide, was natural.
To my pleasant surprise, he opened his eyes and started right in without the need to ask him a question.
"Ya, see, Yank, it's, no mystery, at all, jest another Tennessee Ernie Ford, twisted-sister, country version of that lovable hit, " Sixteen Tons & What Do You Get - A Mind That's Weak 'n' a Back 'dat's Strong!"
When I glanced about inquisitively, at the other tobacco-smokin', snuff-spittin', Moonshine drinkin' folks, gathered about on the front porch of this lovely "double-wide" trailer, I decided that I would not scream.
Instead, like the consummate professional I am, I searched for a possible clue to what our first interviewer might be talkin' about.
I worried that this whole trip to the DEEP SOUTH was going to be a disaster. I couldn't understand a damn word that came out of that man's mouth.
I needn't have worried, in an eloquent eulogy, the Jesus clothed man, wrapped in swaddling clothing, jumped up, reading his rant from the teleprompter ripped one out:
"I jest got to get up 'n' out of this rockin' chair, and shoot someone, fer I go nuts", Pappy jumped up to reach fer his gun.
His toothless, pipe-smoking, Beverly Hillsbillys' wife, stopped Pappy, dead in his tracks shoes, with this crack:
"Why, jist 'ta-day, a natural-born, White folk, with a GOD GIVEN' Red-Face and Red NecK, forced ta to be workin' "9 to 5," all-dang-day long in the fields, 'cause those damn N----r Lovin ' Northerner's sissies done took our slaves away, makin' us their slaves. It ain't right! I'm tellin' ya. It ain't right!"
Their son, Tony Bennett, (bent, but, not broken) Jr., a local singer/celebrity of some acclaim, quietly strummed on, his "get-tar," as his Ma & Paw Kettle, "chewed da' fat," with the visitor from up North.
Finally, when his fingers got stuck on the same chord, four times in a row, he offered his own "two cents."
"Dat's be why we be 'pissed off! ' Dat , and a ruinous bladder we all got from drinking' Moonshine every day from Sun Up to Sun Down, or until we passed out. Hee, Haw! Anyone want to dance?"
He smiled and glanced my way. It was, then, that I noticed he was wearing a full-length dress, made out of used body-armor.
Pappy, aka, 'Snappy' awakened from his nap, eagerly affirming that Junior was right, he said!
"WE be angry, fit to be horse-tied, and, stink-eyed, mostly all the time. Especially, when Northerners, or, the Revenue peoples come sneakin' about!"
"You, see, Sir...er...Mister, we was mostly constantly constipated folks, backed up, filled up with bile-bitterness, so awful, ya' could taste it in yuin throat. It tasted like it, too."
Snappy waxed on, "It ain't because we have abscessed teeth, or, are poorly ed-u-ma-crated. No, Sir, Ree-Bob, your name is Bob, right?"
"We ain't poorly ed-u-ma-Kate-it, NEITHER! We jest know things Yankees don't know; things about lynching', tar & featherin', stuff like 'dat.
"We jest don't have no chance! No chance to get rich, other than sellin' MOONSHINE, makin' Meth, livin' off da grid, an' a playin' 'dat damnable, addictive game "Corn Hole!"
"Is there any Corn Holers up there in Whack-Whack Land? Where there are no jobs, I hear, not even blow jobs?"
" ' Times da be a-changed---," inserted his son, Junior, as he slowly, lovingly picked up his loaded, automatic WEAPON, and stroked it affectionately.
Pappy, warming up to the stranger, rattled on, "You see, Sid, your name is Sid, isn't it?"
I nodded my head in the affirmative, after all, he had a weapon strapped to his hip, and, Mrs. had one in her hair bonnet.
"We men's folk were forced to stay 'dere in the smoked-filled bar all-dang-plum-it day, drinkin,' carousing' with the loc-cow hussies, then, when satiated, (drunk) we would try, like crazy, buzzed old, used-up ladies to find our way home!
"Northerners mostly don't know this, but, we are a hard-nosed, stubborn, innovative, hard-workin', 'alt-right', white folk, with a few missing teeth (due mostly to the barroom fights!)
"Neither rain, nor storm could keep us from delivering the mail, 'cause, when the mine shut down, all we had was the post office, so, we knew how to crawl, and, we crawled all of two blocks back to our clapboard shanties, that woke us up in the middle of the night with their applause. (Try to keep up) . We try to get some 'wet pussy' from our 'old lady', and, if necessary, 'whip the tar outta her, if'n she refuses, Cause we be Christians, and the Good Books say Women Should Give Us Some.'
"It's what we do, 'cause there ain't nobody else around to beat the tar out of."
Times de is a-changing, indeed.
"Perhaps," I thought to myself, "if they had grown up listening to music like, " Fly Me To The Moon," they may have been inspired to become astronauts, scientists, mathematicians, instead of listening only to those country songs about "drunks, drinkin', barroom brawls, and divorce."
ANOTHER EDITORIAL NOTE: (For Speed Readers! Slow Down)
This is no t a News Report, as many of you that are still awake may have noticed. It is a "pigeon-eye" view of Mitch McConnell's mountain folks, and, and explanation of why so many of them, prefer Trump, and, the Republican Party, over all other harmful substances.
"The custom, here," according to our "unnamed sauces, "revealed" (not really, but, it sounds professional) "that ever since the Democrats became so LIBERAL in 1960, during the Civil Rights Movement, it shocked our morals, especially about our choice fer president, moving closer to George Wallace!
"It was precisely at that moment in our history that we instantly switched parties, under penalty of death. Fear works. Write that down" expounded Pappy, the patriarch of six families, and, one pregnant 13-year-old first cousin.
As Snappy, said it best, "We ain't racist! We are just set in our ways."
EDITORIAL CLARIFICATION:
This is a grim, inside look at 'Trumpers,' a tutorial, of sorts, about understanding their century's strife since the good old days of the Civil War.
The South Greatest Moment. Their history begins and ends here!
Their long, torturous, back-breaking, strenuous workin' schedule, in de sweltering, country minefields, scattered the landscape with unexploded, "live" cannonballs left by insensitive Yankee Bastard!".
"It's no we still hate'em," shouted a humongous, big, burly man with a "pix ax" in his hands.
He took the floor, away from the "Meek," preached about to speak, was granted the bull horn to speak to the every, increasing crowd.
"Man," I thought to my self, these hill folk, took to that commandment, "Go forth and Multiply." Several in attendance were doing it during his talk!
"Brothers & Sista of the Corn Hole De-Generation, I stand before you, because if I stood behind you none of you would be able to see me. And, I am pretty. I want you'll to see how pretty, I is."
Immediately some of the big-buster ladies started undressing, as he waxed it on: "All we were left with after da Civ'il WaR was dull axes, erroneous taxes, low pay, no lays, and no soap & water.
"Thank the Blue-eyed White Jesus with Blonde hair, we had plenty of 'Shine', explained the bib overhauled farm-boy, or, a large "Yeti."
Furthermore, that is to say, additionally, Mrs. Claus broke in, "all them-there Northener quars-boy s look down upon us! Most of them where over 6' 9 and black.
"Worse yet," shouted the only person who ever-finished H.S. in this "Holler", piped up, complete with a pipe in the pipe in his mouth, eloquently explaining:
"To add insult to injury, these insensitive, Yankees brought around their brown, black, yellow, and, other colored, fellow professional foreigners, who flocked to our neck of the wood, thinkin' they could get rich by mining fer gold with a stick. After they went broke, they cried like babies, then competed for our COAL MINE JOB with machinery. How unfair is that?"
Thunderous, if not, threatening applause broke out, directed by a young man in a black Nazi uniform. And, the ever-steady hands of the Klu Lux Klans
"These up-piddly, non-white intruders," bellowed the man with a Nazi Flag in one hand, and, a thickly battered bible in the other, rose to share his grievances.
"These non-whites, not born in the USA interlopers, are not 'even human bein'. They are stealing' our good-paying, factory jobs, in contaminated facilities, right in front of our faces!
"We be the all-White, Alt-Right, Uptight, Christian-White-Whites, Family Values-Conservative-Constitutional-Originalists! We settle here first, and I will kill anyone with my bare hands that thins other."
"So, we did what a man got to do and drove them off! Like we did the in-juns."
Once, again the swelling, now, the heavily drinking crowd grew restless. Pappy, stepped into the meddling calm, and settled the audience down, by saying, "Dat, Bubba, is why we have no choice, but to FIGHT for our right to be WHITE! Besides we love to fight!"
More shouts of, "Damn Right, Lock Her Up! Lock Her Up," ricocheted off the gymnasium walls, where we had re-located because the crowd kept getting bigger and bigger, swelling like the Hot Air Balloons that some folks had inflated as a "Welcoming Jester to their New Visitors."
Pappy continued with his defusing the crowd, settling them down by passing around "free loaves" of Marijuana stogies, and, reading aloud from his favorite book, "Linda Does Dallas!"
"That be why we don't brush our teeth, spit out glorified treated water, and, or, fondle our weapons in church. 'Cause we know that the Lord is calling us to KILL Kain's K in . "It the only Kristian thing we Kan do, Klansmen,"
"It's in the Bible, somewhere."
Author's summation:
Donald J. Trump, a failed businessman, successful Con-Artist, Con-Man, Flim-Flam, Jerk-off, former Reality-TV Star, Proud Sexual Predator, Accused Child Rapist is da' right' man to run this, here, cunt-ree into the ground, in order to bring on the "Ends of Time!"
"That is what we clamor fer - The ENDS OF TIME. Who wants to live another damn day here?"
"Thanks to the prophet s that come before Trump, Jerry Falwell, Jr., Pat Robinson, dementia sputtering Franklin Graham, the alcoholic son of Billy Graham and Dr. Stella Mumbo Jumbo, who is a preacher, too, and a "doctored" doctored, doctor, all of the Rouges Gallery of Rich, Evangelical Preachers, who "came to the Jesus, after an all-night drunk, face-up on the barroom floor, ran straight to the now opening legal brothels."
All the gathered the entire town, surrounded the visitors. The huge crowd of "near Neanderthals, surprisingly broke out in a fit of insane laughter, that sounded, as if it were, indeed, coming from the Mad as a Hatter's BUTT HAT.
At which point in there, "Welcoming Newcomers Cremonies Fer UnWelcomed the entire town's residents, jump up, hollering, firing their weapons in the air to shouts of: "Y'all been Horn Swaggled!"
The finale was a well-choreographed, vigorous "Talking-In Tongues" dance number followed by numerous outbreaks of tremors, and, lots of falling down-jumping up syndrome!"
At which part, we slipped out of our rope, retrieved our pickup truck, and drove away as fast as, "A Bat Out of HELL."
Several flew passed our vehicle. One, the leader, gave us what looked like, "the finger."
My often, worthless, inarticulate analysis, is that "these people," truly believe that Donald J. Trump, "will turn dis har Cunt-Rey around because Trump is "not one of dem, dems. He's one of us, R-s fer Russia!"
We knew we were headed in the right direction when the next 20 billboards, all read:
"Red-Neck, Red-Faced, Republican from the Red State of KY are always Hungry Fer RED MEAT! Throw us some, Donnie!"
We drove in silence and fear, at 90 mph all the way to Oh-High-O, where "Medical Marijuana" is legal.
Epilogue:
"WE DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS!" - America!
Maybe, just maybe it's their cultural heritage, lack of advanced education, biblical training, and, difficulty coping with a rapidly changing Technological World, that might be the proverbial, "burr in their-saddle," you all?
What do you all, think?
Trump is the DISEASE! Jealousy & Hate is not a cure!
Night-All, I take it every chance I get! I am taking it now. (Can you believe there are 107 mistakes in this article. How many can you find?)
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It is imperative that one understand their opponent.
It is imperative that one understand their opponent.
Sadly, they don't. Not a clue.
GREG JONES: Trump is 73 vs Biden, who at 74, could run rings around bulging "Donald".
I am betting that Kamala Harris wil knock Pence out of the ring in the first minute of Round One!
Then adroitly, because she is an attorney, climb the ropes and chase that fat, lard butt around the ring until he slips on his own fat drippings! I am taking 5 to 1 odds. You want a piece of the action, Jackson?
While Joe, ever the diplomat video-tape it for an International audience to shame him for getting his ARSE kicked by a Woman, Hear Her Roar, "PACK YOUR BAGS SISSY& Take that 'Gold Digger', and heHER, Communist-trained family with you, or, I will knock you from here to Jeffrey Espein's Penthouse Sex-Torium, in New York City.
A picture is worth a 1000 steps!
Remember, Pence is afraid to be alone with a woman.
Who sold you on that malarkey?
Great point, Ozzwald.
Pence will find so lame of an excuse to back out of the debate with Kamala Harris, like, "I stopped parting me hair. Now I part me head."
Just nonsense! No one parts their head, but, an idiot.
1) Biden would get lost before the first circle around Trump was completed. He would then start chasing himself.
2) Harris would be on her knees and unzipping his fly so fast I am sure Pence would faint from shock and embarrassment. She didn't throw a single punch; but ohh what a blow!
3) Then, because she is a prosecuting attorney charge herself with sexual assault; getting the maximum sentence like she did for all of the minorities while she was a DA.
4) Joe having worn his demented ass out chasing himself, would be lead back to his basement by his wife; but don't worry the lame stream media would tape the whole trial to show Harris really is tough on crime! "Peaceful" protesters come out enmasse screaming how unfair systemic racism is; by throwing bricks, molotov cocktails, and then moving onto assault, looting, and arson.
5) The media will then proclaim Biden and Harris the winners. One serving time in his basement because he can't keep a straight though; the other serving a prison term for sexual assault. Biden will chastise anyone not voting Biden/Harris as not African American, Asian, Arab, Catholic, Jewish, or undocumented immigrant (aka illegal alien) enough.
“In 2002, Mike Pence told the Hill that he never eats alone with a woman other than his wife and that he won’t attend events featuring alcohol without her by his side, either.”
Actually, I think he will show up, but, for the first time, insist on "social distancing" so he doesn't have to get near her.
Gee, what a nice quote from the man himself--and not ONE WORD about fear in it.
Just admit it, you made the fear thing up because it is Pence.
No other logical reason, since that is clearly--by your very own quote---not even close to what he stated.
WOW, Ronin, that is an excellent Recap of the Boxing Match. We will always have a place for you at Eat The Press - Do Not Wipe Your Bun With It.
We never "waste our times VETTING the News, Editorial, Or Threats." To be truthful, which hurts, we do not even know what vetting mean.
Enjoyed your vivid, eye-witness report.
Ouch, ouch, that hurts.
Ouch, ouch, that hurts.
Miss Pence never uses a harsh word, like "Fear," it is so crass, and, would not be approved by Ann Landers, or, Mother!
Now, now, GREG JONES, don't cry:
Don't start drinkin "Whiskey & Rhye, just because you think that this is the "Day That Trump's Music Died."
We all have had someone we loved, trusted, believed in, and, they turned out to be a "Tub of Shat."
So, "Don't Drive Your Chevy to the Levy...!"
We are here for you, Greg.
We are "The Trump Hot Line For Da' FOOLED!," funded by "De-programmed Republicans % The Lincoln Project, coming to a town near you.
Reach out! Don't cry, there is help comin' to ya!
yeah, I knew it was made-up bullshit all along.
No, Texan 1211, it is not "made-up bull sh**"!
IT IS CREATIVE expression spouted from the Oracle of Mildew, Ohio, (Agent Orange for Non-Believers). Do Not Lick It, it sticks to one's tongue. Ask Trump!
Even your own Pence quote doesn't support the ridiculous claim made.
And I am not imagining it either, no matter how creative the fib.
They just gotta .....
Spin baby spin
Libby inferno
Spin baby spin
We didn't start the fire ....
Your post should rip the bandages from the naive, blinded by the glare of TRUMP'S gaudy cheap, fake "FOOL'S GOLD" spray painted by Monkeys on the walls and ceilings in his tasteless, SHRINE to himself!
TRUMP TOWERS!
I'm denying reality? Hilarious! So here you demonstrate the ever present double standard.
I suppose you feel the left gets to shit all over anything they want without any response or repercussions. The misplaced hatred, the sweeping generalizations, the ever present deflection and misrepresentation. By and large that is the majority of what happens here on NT. Look no further than this thread. Do you bag on the people here who are actually starting the fire? People here who pump out the sophomoric, disingenuous anti trump bullshit day in and day out? No you do not so you've got no high ground here. None.
And you don't get to blame Trump for everything that is wrong in this world. You can try but that would just be more unrealistic, TDS driven bullshit. Part and parcel for the many propagandists here pushing left wing narratives.
JFK
MLK
LINCOLN
RFK
And every decent proposal to help people, not hurt!
Doh!
XDm9mm: Are you forgetting about the 400 years of LYNCHINGS, Jim Crow Enforced Restrictions, Klans Meetings, Church Burnings, Killing of Kids and parishioners in Churches, Beating up those who WHITE, Christian folks, didn't like ridin' on their White Busses?
Perhaps, in your elementary school and secondary education facilities, they did not teach students about "Segregation, Bull-Horn Sheriffs, Mobs of White folks, with clubs in their hands, and, angry mouths full of profanities, "bustin' heads fer da fun of it?"
Or, those upstanding Klu-Kluck-Klan's Night Riders that terrorized people, shot them, burned their homes down, raped the girls ("if'n da be 13 yar old, or, 'bove") to demonstrate who is on top in the South, and, who mis on the bottom rung!
All the mayhem, destruction, murders were consistent with the teachings of the White, Blued-Eyed, Blonded-Haired Jesus," who supported SLAVERY 'caused it is in the Bible, somewhere!"
In my view, there is no acceptable, logical, reasonable, Christian excuse for a United States Citizen (who call themselves a "patriot, and/or a person that "LOVES Thar' Cunt-Ree, Writ' ...er ...Wrong" to VOTE for "The Traitor," Donald John Trump!
Trump is an "IMPEACHED PRESIDENT," an "Accused Child Rapist," a collaborator with Putin, and Russia, who, as POTUS, allowed his buddy, "Vladimir," to put $100,000 dollar "bounties" on the heads of American soliders!
FTrump!
It is time to pull the plug on this Conservative SHAT SHOW and
"Obviously, you have never heard the phrase, "If we fail to undertand HISTORY, one is liable to get an "F" in that class. And, run the risk of REPEATING IT."
- Famous Quote from Repeat Offenders
SPARTY ON: I still do not know what TDS means. You keep using those initials, and, I have no idea what you are talking about.
Is that a good thing, e.g., "Thanks Dedicated Saint!"
Not too many people know about that. I don't like to brag, you know being a Left-Leaning Liberal, Sucking off the gu'mint TIT!
Well then, crawl on out from under that partisan rock for a change and breathe truly free, non partisan air.
It’ll do you wonders I promise ...... or you can keep letting yourself be programmed by the liberal hive mind. Your choice worker drone.
I have hope for your salvation ETP. I really do
I just did.
Man does it stink out here. Centennial Park Bomber, smoke from the bombed Abortion Clinics, smell of rifle fire from Right Wing Self-Programed "Patriots", Evangelicals Talking-In-Tongues, Racist Slurs Hurled Like Grenades at Children, Adults, Women, Hatered Everywhere, Klan Meetings, White Nationalists, Neo-Nazis Gatherings, Open Carry Nut Cases, Gun Nuts, Trump Supporters, Kids in Cages! - What is this place?
HELL?
The ONLY thing Trump fixes is Pardons for his CORRUPT underlings in prison.
Trump is a destroyer, a common thief a CAREER CRIMINAL, like his father, and, grandfather.
He is a pre-school, entitled, spoiled, rich brat that inherited a fortune, cheated his own siblings out of their fair share of their father's fortune, and, screw everyone he has ever done business with enroute to acquiring WEALTH @ Any Price, even if it means murder!
Becareful whom you worship!
Well, as i suspected, the liberal hive pheromones are just to strong for a worker drone to overcome.
So it's back to work for you. Enjoy your directed existence
Wow. And just a few weeks ago I was assured that only the "libbies" would vandalize a sign or make a stink about one
So please tell us again how Biden co-authored the 1964 crime bill again?
oops. tsk, tsk, tsk, they only repeat what they hear from scumbag central...
I'm just waiting for the typical, dodge, duck, dive, dip, and drool
Well, it is like this Sparty On, I have always owned me own businesses, so, in essence, I be da Queen Bee. The drones, you speak of, work for me.
Well, it is like this Sparty On, I have always owned me own businesses, so, in essence, I be da Queen Bee. The drones, you speak of, work for me.
Wow, Biden, the candidate for POTUS actually has some experience, whereas, Trump is all braggadicio and BULL CHIPS!
Wow, Biden, the candidate for POTUS actually has some experience, whereas, Trump is all braggadicio and BULL CHIPS!
There are GOOD PEOPLE on both sides, but, not too many on the "GUN TOTING" right awful, "my way or the graveyard side", I have noticed.
What say you, Good Folk!
It is NOT that we want to "convert" you all, we just want to prevent you from getting hurt and hurting our country with TRUMP'S LIES!
It's not you guy we are upset with. It him!
I bet you know and like "gun toters" and you don't even know it because you don't know they actually, in reality, are gun owners.
And gun toters? I find that label hilarious!
What is it with you folks? You seem to have a pathological need to negatively label everything you disagree with.
Not healthy bra .... not healthy at all ....
You telling me. I know it not healthy with these MAROONS lugging around automatic weapons, extra ammo belts, explosives where ever they do, especially shopping.
I wouldn't know as I've never see that where i'm from so you must live in a very dangerous and crazy place.
Somehow ..... that seems to fit .......
I read it and I do not understand one damn bit of it. Is this some type of On-line Scam for Money from idiots)
(I sure hope so.)
To get the full flavor of the piece, one should play the songs highlighted in bold black, larger type pt.
It all magically comes together, just like COVID19 will magically disappear. I quarantee it, or, I will refund your money!
I don't want to understand tRumpsters. That's a dark, dank, dismal, fetid, deplorable place.
There's something like the evil presented in The Poltergeist...remember that movie? It's not the true dark side because they have cookies. All this administration has is boiled rats and urine in a jar
Ooooh, Trout Giggles, that sent chills down my spine. I am still quivering from that image.
I think I should write children's books.
Good choice. Me, too. I am age appropriate. Kids used to like books that scared them. Maybe, we could team up.
Good choice. Me, too. I am age appropriate. Kids used to like books that scared them. Maybe, we could team up.
Trump literally makes me sick when I hear his voice, see his face on TV. I muted the volume and switch channel.
not much point in muting if you changed channels
Two words that will really make your skin crawl: Jared Kushner
Oh, God! Stopped that. That is like summoning The Devil!
Yes, even the mention of his name is nauseous to me. I want to hurl, when I see his orange, sprayed make-up face! When he speaks, an endless flow of fowl smelling bull chips tumble out of his mouth, like St. Helen's erupting with clouds of toxic, hot-hate-waste material.
I never knew that "Turds" could fly, until "the Donald" came on the scene, then, walla, I understood what the phrase, "when the sh*t hits the fan," really means.
BTW: I enjoy your "Kick-butt, take-no-prisoners" posts. Keep up the good work.
PS: I hope you don't mine me asking a personal question. What in the freakin' frack is Tessylo? My "read-aloud" app, pronounces it, "Tes-sy-low," then, giggles. I thought you should know.
Is it a name, or, another one of those Qanon coded-messages?
Places filled with cobwebs and old doll's heads (The Heat)
Texas1211, thank you, it was a "mind blower" for me. I often think about how much I wasted my life with that needless, duplicated effort. I torture myself wondering how much more I "could have, should have, would have,"accomplished, if only, I hadn't fiddled it away on duplicate, redundant, wasteful actions.
I might have had much more time to plot against Trump's atrophic political rise! Perhaps, I could have made the difference and prevented this NATIONAL disaster.
You are welcome.
Always glad to help!
I could not follow this - perhaps you could publish it in Graphic Novel Virus form.
But even though I do not understand it - well I recognized several words even though I can't remember ever seeing them arranged that way before - I want you to know that :>
I will defend to your death your right to write it!
Thank you, Adam_Selene, it is comforting to know that you have by back. Christia Hendericks has me front covered. I feel as if, I am in good hand, as long as everyone uses a hand-sanitizer!
I have come to the conclusion that you are probably " speaking in tongues " in an unknown language.
This requires a translator.
I my self cannot translate - but there is one from mother Russia who seems to have the ability to extract meaning from the incomprehensible.(A required survival trait in the old Soviet Union.)
Yes - Comrade Adam.
I will attempt to summon him.
Errrrrrr Uhhhhhhhh!Aaaaaggghhhhh!
Opps - that didn't quite work the way I wanted.
Excuse me.
I'll be back.
No, no. Don't go. I got it. It translates, "The light is on in the bathroom." Man, I still have the gift - translating gibberish. I know there's a fortune it that.
I cannot understand it either. I am merely the willing vessel!!!
Not really much point in 'understanding Trumpsters'. What is the point? Trump would not exist if it weren't for Russian and Saudi money. The dude's been on the 'float' for over two decades.
Besides, the term of 'dumbing down America' is an obvious truth. Affects 40+%. Kind of like a malaise of sorts.
Our scientific Research, here, at the "less than disreputable Bird Dooping Institute, A-Think Tank For Moron- No Idiots, Please" have discovered that if we knew the mind of Trumpers there would be fewer car wrecks.
I was going to watch "Idiocracy" the other night, but I wanted to laugh not get depressed
The toilet is overflowing with turds. DON'T CALL A PLUMBER! Call the GHOSTBUSTERS, the People House is infested with demons!
"Wisdom comes in many forums, but, not in this one." Why is that? Am I not flesh and bone? If you beat me with a baseball bat, do I not bleed?
When two halves of the same quarter come together, it still adds up to 25 cent, nes pas?
I trust, class, that I am not wasting away my valuable time, here, at the Dick Cheney Nursing Home For Wayward Republians, where Water Boarding is a Therapy, Not a Torture.
'Cause if your idleness forces me, I know how to "Water Board" folks!
Understanding the TDS ridden is much easier.
Butt hurt + triggered + entitled + expects free shit + on psychotropic meds = one crazy sumbitch
Sparty on: Your post, like a "Country Road" take me home!
Yippee ki yay MF ....
Is that Japanese? Are you one of them? Left over from WWII?
relentless Trump Dick Sucking by supporters is a yuge concern to the majority of americans...
Oh, thanks, devangelical. I have been asking Sparty on, but, he never explained it!
The mystery for me was why did he use it in nearly every post he replied to me.
Now, I understand why! We all have something to hide!
happy to clarify. TDS outbreaks here will increase significantly in the next 2 months.
Yes, I'm sure there is one just as you describe. However the other millions and millions of rational Americans who have watched the behavior of this inept President, and concluded quite rightly how unfit he is for the office of President, will be the ones voting him out of office this November. If you want to spend your time examining one crazy sumbitch splashing in the waves distracting you that's your choice, but you're ignoring the tsunami which is about to wash Republicans out of the white house and very possibly the Senate. The number one rule about waves is to never turn your back on them...
Rational?
Now that is hilarious but you keep telling yourself that all the way to another loss in November.
Works for me.
I once had sex with a Wave, and, it wasn't in the ocean, either!
What works for you, the loss, or telling yourself all the way to the loss?
RIGHT--TO...!
Keyword is crazy! That is not a bad word.
Remember, Crazy Horse.
"Crazy Like a Fox!"
Your post should rip the bandages from the naive, blinded by the glare of TRUMP'S gaudy cheap, fake "FOOL'S GOLD" spray painted by Monkeys on the walls and ceilings in his tasteless, SHRINE to himself!
TRUMP TOWERS!
Stop talking to yourself again ETP ..... you know what your shrink told you about that.
Yes, I do, remember what my psychiatrist, said to me, Sparty On. I remember it as if it was yesterday, because, it was yesterday.
She said, "If you want me to, I could blow you..."
"Yes, yes," I shouted, jumped up, and, immediately started to unzip my fly, to let that python spring forth.
She smiled seductively at me, and, whispered, "No, no, you silly, Girlie-man. I meant blow in your ear. Would you like that?"
Before I could answer, she explained her therapy choice. "In my Research, I have learned that many men are still 'stunted teenagers!' In ...their... sexual department," she glanced at my crotch adding, "...and, they respond well to the treatment...almost immediately. I found It calms my male clients down. Is that OK with you?"
"Well, that sounds, a little kinky, but, sure. Not as tantalizing as the other. But, I do remember, now, that you mentioned it, that I, too, used to like that when teenage girls would neck' with me, which was seldom. But, I never forgot that sensation when they stuck their wet tongue in my ear. I instinctively gave them my wallet and told them to take whatever they wanted."
They took all of it! I miss that...being used my a woman.
So, my psychiatrist, Miss Voluptuous Lipps, did, and, now, I am well on by way to getting rid of that "ringing in my ear."
Not cured, but, I am well on the way.
How about you? Are you still getting Electro-Shock Therapy...directly to your tongue? I hear that it work for some folks, who are not comfortable with "Conversion Therapy."
Sorry, got to go. I am on my way to another Therapy Session. Don't want to keep Dr. Voluptuous Lipps waiting. Chat with you, later. Got to "Roll!"
Some of my "critics", well, all of them, claim that I use too many "bad" words. They suggest that I should "Knock It Off," or, as right awful Christians they will "KNOCK THEM DOWN MY THROAT!
Let me say this about that, my role is to take folks higher to a place they may not have been. To do that I need the flexibility to express myself freely, without malice, judgement, or, gum in my mouth.
If I offend you, it is not my intent. My intent, as an "UnEmployed Philosopher" is to take you "higher and higher."
And, by Jolly, Good Crackers, I have the "Be Best Medical Weed" in America.
Handle yo' business. Let some "blue sky critics" Trump supporters eat ____ and bark at the moon!
I take you advice, but, did you read the reviews at the top of the article?
A POINT OF ORDER:
The "VOICES" you hear in your head are not mine, they are yours!