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In lieu of Christmas cards this year,

  
By:  Nowhere Man  •  3 years ago  •  6 comments


In lieu of Christmas cards this year,
I am advised by the legal department to send this message instead:

Leave a comment to auto-join group The Deplorables

The Deplorables



Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2022, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great, neither to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only "America" in the Western Hemisphere. Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee(s).


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Nowhere Man
Junior Participates
1  author  Nowhere Man    3 years ago

IMPORTANT: This message is intended for the use of the individual members of Newstalkers and may contain information that is confidential, privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humor, or irrational religious beliefs. If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying of this email is not authorized (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas. Unless the word “absquatulation” has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or grammatical use and may be ignored. No animals were harmed in the transmission of this email, although the Yorkshire terrier next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you! Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft: However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets. If you have received this email in error, please add some nutmeg and egg whites and place it in a warm oven for 40 minutes. Whisk briefly and let it stand for 2 hours before icing. Close cover before striking.

 
 
 
squiggy
Junior Silent
2  squiggy    3 years ago

DoD or Postal Service?

 
 
 
Nowhere Man
Junior Participates
2.1  author  Nowhere Man  replied to  squiggy @2    3 years ago

Either.... {chuckle}

 
 
 
squiggy
Junior Silent
2.1.1  squiggy  replied to  Nowhere Man @2.1    3 years ago

It’s just so fits government ethics briefings of holiday times - a mailman can’t accept a pencil while his congressman rakes cash.

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Expert
3  Buzz of the Orient    3 years ago

The same to you.

(I hope I haven't said anything insulting, uncouth, disrespectful, unfitting, rude, demonizing, or contrary to your group rules and regulations or the CoC or ToS, but if you deem it so then please delete this comment.)

 
 
 
Nowhere Man
Junior Participates
3.1  author  Nowhere Man  replied to  Buzz of the Orient @3    3 years ago

Buzz your comment fits right into the theme of this article.... thank you..

 
 

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