Vance Attacks Cats Who Do Not Have Kittens
By: Andy Borowitz
S E E D E D C O N T E N T
Aug 30, 2024508Share this postCopy linkFacebookEmailNoteOther111Share
PALM BEACH (The Borowitz Report)—The Trump campaign on Friday was scrambling to contain the damage from newly-unearthed comments by JD Vance in which he disparaged cats who choose not to have kittens.
The GOP vice-presidential nominee's blistering attack on "kittenless cats" occurred during a 2023 podcast appearance in which Vance claimed that "cats without kittens have no stake in our nation's future."
"The kitten birthrate in the United States lags far behind that of all other industrialized nations," Vance said. "Increasingly, female cats in the U.S. are selfishly choosing careers over kittens."
The Ohio senator painted a dire picture of an America in which female cats refuse to reproduce, warning, "Soon we will be a country overrun by mice."
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My cat chose not to have kittens. They would have interfered with her ranch surveillance, chasing the neighbor's dog, and screeching at me for snackos, outside, and no damn good reason.
She's happy
Careers over kittens!
Haven't heard from Borowitz in awhile. Thanks for posting.
I treated my cat howard like a kitten for 13 years, a really fat kitten...
I love when people name their pets people names.
Neither of my cats sired kittens.
One is a bit of an asshole, and would have made a terrible father. Much like Vance.
The other is a sweetheart, but loves to sleep and would have left all the parenting to the females. Much like Vance.
My kittenless cats are more responsible human beings than JD Vance.
Did you hear how Vance, while on the phone with the former 'president' convicted felon and rapist, yelled at his 7 year old son to 'shut the hell up about Pikachu for 30 seconds, this is an important phone call from the former 'president'?
I did. Father of the Year, right there.
What a dick
Puzzles me why he'd tell anyone that. What a spineless ass kisser.
And this just in from the JD beat: "Male and Female Felines Forced to Undergo Sterilization and Sometimes Even Euthanization"
Kitties of the world:Claws Out! We have to stop the Madness
"We need opposable thumbs!"
Ok, the article is funny, but would you look at that kitty's face? The big eyes. The pink nose. The whiskers. Now I need another kitten.
I have 5 but I might not be through there until November, lol.
I have 2, and a very spoilt dog. I am outnumbered by fur babies in this house. Don't you dare bring me another cat!
let's see them...
left to right
Bandit, Shelby and Gringo Star (Ringo!)
There are 5 here, Shadow and Bandit blend into one mass on the right.
Jackie, the only girl, on the left, then Gringo then Shelby sliding off in super slow motion.
5 kittens is better than watching TV...
I want one!
LOL
We may have to talk, soon, lol.
I couldn't say why, but I'm partial to Bandit.
traditionalist...
I'm liking the avant garde, kitty noir fur exteriors...
Living the life.
I want to be reincarnated as someone's pampered pet.
when the time comes of course
later rather than sooner I hope
Old JD has both feet in mouth.
plenty of room in that empty skull...
RIP my friend.
now that is the sleeping position of a feline that is 100% confident in the safety and security of his home.
That's when he was a kitten...15 years ago. Last month I had to say goodbye. He was a good cat. One of the best.
always very sad. sorry to hear about the loss of your friend.
Arvo... My cat chose a career over kittens.. eating, sleeping and been served by an on-call 24 hours servant...what more could you ask for..
so heart warming to know that you're barely tolerated in your own home ...
Morning...yes it is good to know ones place in the home..
But I can always change that by serving up home brand cat food instead of the gourmet food..
There is always pay back..🤣
you really don't want to get into a kit for kat battle with a feline...
To late..it hacked up a furball on the carpet last night...just to keep me in my place..🤢
Notice they never hack up on an easily cleaned surface? Little bastards! Always on the carpet! Not the linoleum or non-carpeted surfaces.
kit for kat
you silly goose
Morning Tess..one of the reasons why I haven't replaced the carpet even though it needs it...
Always hacks them up in my bedroom... just to let me know at some ungodly hour look what I have left you!!!.
You need to clean that up in the morning could cause a nasty accident..
Omgoodness, I am surrounded by cat lovers! I didn't know.
I have no animals in my house. They are all around me-everywhere in other people's houses (and on my lawn - if you know what I mean). Add to the cats and dogs, the occasional possums and racoons. 
;(
if you want to see more cats, go buy a sandbox...
It is funny that a cat had kittens in the proximity of my dwelling. And there is a hole in the bottom my neighbors fence just big enough. . . . So from time to time I come out to water the front lawn and as I go to turn on the water hose and look up; I see a figure. . . scurrying to get off its 'day bed' (once it figures out what is up) and get back through the hole. I squeeze water on it. I know. I'm a 'terrible' person.
(Sometimes I don't turn the water on just pretend to do and off the 'day bedder/s' go!) (Sometimes, the bigger cats move and then stop to stare at me from a distance-I let them have it. Bad CB!)
One more thing. I have big tall spruce trees that drop a lot of dead material in its 'bed' and I recently found mounts heaped up. . . full of you know what! I am not a happy camper! My 'work' is cut out for me. Oh! Is that what you mean by 'sandbox'? I just 'got' it.
Good night, you feline lovers.
I fully support cat reproductive rights. I mean, kittens are cute as hell until you’re trying to sleep - then they’re jumping on your face with their sharp, tiny little claws. So you lock them out of the bedroom and all you hear is “mew mew mew” outside the door all night. However, I am adamantly opposed to couch reproductive rights. The thought of an ottomanless couch literally makes me uncomfortable.