Giuliani Warns Matt Gaetz That Trump Never Pays His Attorneys
By: Andy Borowitz
S E E D E D C O N T E N T
Nov 14, 2024916Share this postCopy linkFacebookEmailNoteOther23172Share
NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Urging him "not to take that freaking job," on Wednesday Rudolph Giuliani warned Rep. Matt Gaetz that Donald J. Trump never pays his attorneys.
"I know what you're thinking—'I'll get paid millions and then I'll be swimming in hooch and broads,'" the former New York mayor said. "Not gonna happen!"
"When Trump cans your ass—and he will—you'll be in the Four Seasons Total Landscaping parking lot with me drinking Two-Buck Chuck straight from the bottle."
For his part, Trump said that by choosing Gaetz he was keeping his campaign promise of creating jobs for unskilled white men.
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2 buck chuck...that's all Guiliani can afford these days
Guiliani has been extreamly lucky he hasn't been charged with contempt of court.
Does Rudy pay his lawyers?
I don't know. He keeps saying he's broke.
... wait for it ...
He's been warned to caugh up all the stuff people know he has and tried to hide including the rings his kid said his dad 'gave' him years ago, but Rudy still sometimes wears.
even though his brain is pickled, rudy will probably be put in rotation for the AG confirmation revolving door ...
Also, the Rolls Royce, I believe it is, that's he's supposed to cough up, he's been seen being chauffeured around in.
it's a vintage mercedes that lauren bacall sat in once, or something ...
poor rudy, the fall from america's mayor to an iconic pervert digging thru his pants in a borat movie, and election denier that gets stiffed by his maga hero and then loses everything over it ... ... too bad, even trump has his shelf life figured out.
Mercedes, thank you. I think it was actually Lauren Bacall's.
Something happened after 9-11 - that was the beginning of the end I think - then hitching his wagon to that freakshow sealed his fate I guess.
Thanks for actual humorous satire!
I almost feel sorry for him, almost.
Rudy who?
Jobs for unskilled white guys….perfect
Rudy wants to be named Secretary of the Treasury so he can steal enough money to pay off his legal obligations.
looks like he's back in the pardon selling biz ...
I doubt Rudy will live long enough to do much if any of the above.
gee, what a bummer ...
Agreed. Rudy is a disgusting individual who deserves a bit of karma.
I think he's a sad old man who doesn't know he's done
Possibly.
Agree. I think he has found it really hard to try to regain the world fame he once had as Mayor of NYC during the tragedy of 9/11. What he ultimately became since then has gained him fame alright, but, not the kind he he hoped for.
I hope the same for the traitor as well.
Thanks for the flag, Jim. You allowed me to update my seed. I always forget to add the satire tag. Thanks for pointing it out
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I think Rudy's on-going use of hair dye ultimately affected his brain. But, his own greed and lust for fame led him to what he is now.
JMOO
I think it was his alcohol use that diminished his brain capacity
That as well can do it.
all that viagra usage permanently drained the blood from his brain ...