"You Know What's Got My Panties in a Knot?" Re-Puritans Posing as Conservative Republicans!
Texas' Republican Senator, Ted Cruz, (the lying, Cuban immigrant) spoke eloquently on the Senate floor (literally on the Senate floor, face down into his shoe) stating that the "The Stimulus Bill, " passed by the House and Senate, "gives MONEY to every illegal alien in America. Even Space Aliens! "
Any dimwitted politician, even Conservative, Wit-less Re-Puritans, in girdles, know that that assertion is not true!
Aliens do not have Social Security Numbers, and, therefore, are not eligible to receive these funds, nor, does the Federal Government have a way to track them. (Outer-Space is a big place!)
But, of course, that does not stop Calcified Conservative Republicans from swarming to Fox TV Network Noise spewing, bald-faced lies.
Man does that kind of bloviating get me , and my Left-Leaning-Lib-a-tars' Junk in a Knot. (Ouchy, no touchy!)
As for the unshaven Senator from Tex-Ass , Faux Fox Fake News immediately picks up every comment that the belching Ted Cruz's expels from his flatulence, babbling A-Hole-Mouth.
Of course, Horse, Faux Fox broadcasts these "cursed lies" non-stop, 24/7/365, without "vetting" any of them.
Fox's top spokesperson, the onerous owner, Rupert More-docks, explained their policy: "Not one soul at FOX TV NETWORK NOISE knows what 'vetting' means. How in the HELL are we supposed to 'vet 'anything. We are in the ENTERTAINMENT BIZ, not the News Biz. That game is for SUCKERS, M-Fers! So, STFU!"
END OF SEGMENT ONE!
SEGMENT TWO:
WARNING: Do Not Read if you are a Re-Puritan.
Wear a Mask, Wash Your Hands, Nose & Mouth Out Frequently!
Portions of this treatise may not be true. The author is a known LIAR! Read at your own RISK! (Rubber gloves are recommended).
Arthuro's Note:
The above EPISTLE was penned, from the Pen, before DJT (#45) had 'Stevie Boy', our sauce, unceremoniously tossed out of the WHITES ONLY - WHITE HOUSE's second-floor window, known to the WH staff, as T-R ump's Exit Strategy'."
"Old stinky feet," as Bunions is known in the gentrified, uppity DC Bowery was discharged from the WH for getting more press coverage from the "Main Street Media," than the publicity-hound, Commander-In-Deep SHAT, ( DJT), who loves the spotlight, some say, more than he loves grabbing women by their "genitals".
So, naturally the old, flatulence spraying, unshaven, always drunk Stevie Bunions had to go! Heave Ho!
"Out the second floor, he goes," sang the shrinking WH staff, relieved that it wasn't them. Because no one would ever hire these soulless, spineless, pimple poppers.
Fox TV spokesperson, Tucker Carlson of a Bitcho-Ho, formerly a lousy, used car salesperson, was asked about Ted Cruz's crude, false comments that he made on the Hallowed Floor of the Senat e.
Tucker angered, shot back, an unanticipated reply. Literally, shot back with real bullets. The Press Corp hid under their chairs as the shots were discharged. The chaos made the old child rapist (#45) smile and laugh, then screamed out to his aide for clean DEPENDS!
You see, fellow NewsTalkers' Fiends , Senator Teddy Cruz is a Cuban refugee, born in Canada, raised in the ghettoes of Detroit city by Hispanic nannies, who whip his little butt just for the fun of it.
Currently, this lizard resides in T ex-ass, or, so he claims. His wife lives in Cancun with her wife, returning only for "photo-ops," while their children are kept in cages because they are part Hispanic.
As most semi-literate, political scholars know, Teddy, is a bearded-faceless, spineless, classless, born-again, upside down Moo-Thar Foo-card, whose ancestors, the "Fucards" were booted out of Europe, in 1066, by Pope Francis, "Da Toilet," forcing his ancestorial tree to be uprooted and ship to Canada, under the "endangered" Neanderthals Vatican Laws at that time. Now, not so much!
Everyone that is anyone, in Tex-ass , knows that all Registered Republicans must carry two, or, preferably, three weapons on them at all times! Otherwise, they will be "Blackballed," by a black ball, from ever entering the "Cowboy Club," for all of eternity!
Now, those of you who do not know much about Tex-Ass, that, "boys & girls," is a fate worse than having a "gay" person sit next to you at a Dallas Cowboy football game. ( Pewsey-Wee-Wee, Girl. That stuff rubs off, don't you know, Honey. That's how I got it.)
Fox TV's Tucker Carlson, a former Carnival Side-Show Performer, explained, in his fake, manly voice, that sounds like a squirrel with a squeaker in its throat than a white, blonde, blue-eyed He-Man character from a kid's cartoon,
It is routinely reported, by our unreliable "sauces" that Ted Cruz daily from his bathroom stall, that "Gay people are contagious. Don't pick one up. Stay with hookers," as he takes his Morning Trump Dump!
Carlson, or, someone that looks like him, at CPAC, allegedly said, " Goddamit , you freakin' dope asses, FOX TV is licensed as an entertainment entity with the FCC, not as a News Outlet. Can't you get that through your pea-brain heads?"
""
These rants were on full display at the CPAC "Annual Slummer Party," where Fucker Car-Lot, entertain the largely Conservative audience of sleeping dinosaurs, with one-line ziners, such as "the Supreme Court of the United States of ' Murica ruled that Fox TV Network News cannot be sued for broadcasting Fake News as real news because FOX is not a news outlet!
"Write that down in your "Conservative Combat & Crossword Puzzle Handbook."
Thereupon, or, so my telepathic communicate informed me, that the most hated, even by Conservative, Fu-card Car-old-Son-of-a-Bitcho, concluded his rant with this whopper, "FOX TV, and, their terrible, thick-headed commentators can say any damn thing that they want on the airwaves, as long as it increases ratings."
"It's ENTERTAINMENT, Suckers! So, stop your damn whining! Enjoy the pornography,"
or words, not remotely similar to these.
Sidebar : (Because I am inside a bar.)
I thought that when "the Lying Don" (Number 45) lost his presidential election by 10 million VOTES, then, stomped out of the White House, like a pouting child, flew to Mar Largo to sulk... that there was a good chance that life might return to "NORMAL"! (Life Without Drugs, as I know it!)
That, in a Gym Jordan Nut Sack, is why my panties are constantly in a Gordian Knot. Want to see them?
How about you? Are your panties in a Knot, too? Send me a photo. I'll send you one back. Maybe we can "hook up" to exchange photos of our sexual diseases.
BTW: Did you enjoy the televised coup on January 6th, 2021, when those patriotic T-Rump supporters stormed the Capital building, beating a Capitol Police officer to death, and injuring over 130 police officers fer "fun", because they are PATRIOTS, and we are not?
My personal highlight from the failed Coup was the slinging of feces. I think Q-Anon should demand that this sport become a part of the Summer Olympics. Don't you?
Just a few things to chew on. Send Money, Honey! I am nearly 80, senile, and, can't eat 'cause I ain't got no teeth, so excuse anything that isn't true. Like DJT, I am a habitual prevaricator and have a framed copy to prove it.
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Now, don't get your panties in a knot it will cut off the flow of blood to your head.
This agnostic gave up listening to Republicans and Trump supporters for Lent...!
Excellent choice. I gave up eating lent, too.
Perfect!
On the advice of my doctors, Dr. Ding Dong, and Ding-A-Ling, Siamese Twin conjoined by their navel lent.
Thank you, FlyNavy1! I feel so much lighter.
Glad to help..... Now go along and play with your matches....!
My Fellow NewsTakers Devotees:
Nostril DumbBottom, my personal seer sent me a "telepathic warning," only seconds ago. Ir read:
"Beware Jonathan Livingston Pigeon-Poo, Dumb-Bottoms, the long knives are out in force. Be sure to dot your eyes and cross your t's, if you expect to survive this new onslaught of #45 hash tossers. They are everywhere, even in your UNDERWEAR. So don't wear any."
End of Coded Communication!
My Fellow Newstalkers Devotees:
Nostril DumbBottom, my personal seer, sent me a "telepathic warning," only seconds ago. It reads, as follows:
"Beware Jonathan Livingston Pigeon-Poo, Dumb-Bottoms, the long knives are out in force.
Be sure to "dot your eyes and cross your t's," if you expect to survive this new onslaught of #45 hash tossers.
They are everywhere, even in your UNDERWEAR. So don't wear any."
End of Coded Communication!
The list is getting longer everyday! Funny thing is, they are ALL trump supporters!
Damn near has me longing for the days of people warning about black helicopters....
That is really odd. Despite everything #45 did, cuddling to dictators, hiring deadbeats, family members, and stealing a fortune while in office, caging children, taking babies from their mother, constantly lying and golfing when he should have been leading the COVID19 Pandemic attack.
Instead, 560,000 Americans died, as this POS, obstructed the CDC, promoted dangerous drugs, refused to encourage people to wear facial Masks, pushed for businesses and schools to reopen before it was safe.
Organized a Sedition aimed at stopping the Certification of Biden's election, destroying every Department in the Federal Government, ruined our relationship with our allies, and nearly destroyed our nation for his own greed.
What could people like about this INSANE BEAST?
One of these days you're going to have to learn not to be so reserved in holding back your true feelings!
Thank you, FlyNavy1, I am working on that with my psychiatrist, Dr. Ding-A-Ling, who says I lack confidence.
All the time, and, right, here on NewsTalkers, there are a ton of them. What are they hooked on. It ain't mayonnaise.
Never, JBB!
I can, and do, argue with tree stumps. Nothing on God's Green Acres stops me from arguing. I admit I am addicted to it. Is that wrong?
I swear, for the Life of Me, and because I like to swear, that I honestly have no idea what this article, er, "rant", means. It's as if me "on-set dementia" has finally overtaken me, as my doctors, said it would.
I don't feel any difference, think about the same, sort of like a half-bushel of rotten apples fermenting. But, I thought that was because I took fewer baths.
Now, before the "Lords of Right & Wrong" start throwing their "Hissy Fits," by hurdling cutting phrases, such as "Off-topic", "Sweeping generalization," or, the coup de Grau, "Personal attack," I would just like to say, "STFU"!
I'm old, nearing 80.
Have you, "hoarders of the truth", ever read these Right-Wing garbled comments that appear to spat out by a brain SHREDDER?
Controlling the narrative is what dictators do! (Dick-"Tatters," that is!)
That. . .image. . .is a really large ROTUNDA!
Yes, it is. I think Elon Musk might be able to launch a rocket from it.
El Rotundo!
Looks like donny has lost some weight.
Some folks don't get SATIRE NEWS. They think it is Sat Tire News, and want to throw a monkey wrench into the mix. But, it is not. It's "Inspirational News"!
Ain't your hair on fires after you peruse one of me Epistles?
Although I usually can not know what Cruz is talking or being about -it's now one of those things between me and the man- perhaps he is referring to the ITIN (Individual Tax Identification Number that the IRS issues to people who qualify for it, but can not qualify for a social security number.
That might be it, but, Cruz is a bit spacey, so, I think he was referring to Space Aliens. What other kind is there?
Aliens is an official term for people coming in from outside the country, Eat'! (Smile.) "Foreigners = aliens."
CB: I believe you are mistaken, or the first time in your life.
"Aliens" are flooding into our country illegally from Outer Space by the droves in souped-up UFOs, every day.
Just check the News Media, (National Enquirer, Fox TV Network News, and, of course, QAnon.
There are a plethora of posts, calls to news organizations, telepathic communications, and homeless folks screaming on the sidewalks of this, here, 'Murica, pouring into these sites, which MAINSTREAM MEDIA ignores.
People crossing the borders illegally are "Refugees Seeking Asylum" from wretched countries that are pals with DJT.
In short, "People" is the word we should use to describle for those crossing the border in the Southwest.
"Aliens" (from Outer Spare) are the real, freaking foreigners!
Have you seen some of those creatures?
Twenty-six varieties have been identified by Heinz.
What can be more "foreign" than Space Aliens that enters one's bedroom without knocking first? How rude is that?
Sliding silently through one's bedroom wall to "probe" one all night long without Vaseline is, in itself, "ALIEN"!
Damnit, if they want my medical statistics I can send my doctor's report by e-mail, skype, Twitter, or, FB if they would be so kind as to leave me their e-mail.
That, sir, is the difference!
President Biden, I am told by one of my Hallucinations, is holding a PRESS CONFERENCE on this very topic, as we post.
Well, I am having FUN! I don't know if you are.
I have a new workout routine. I run to the bathroom 22 times a day to "tinkle." I am unsure if I have an Enlarge Prostrate, or, just love to play with my Jonson!
Any advice would be helpful, except, "Stop It!" That is so cold.
As an entrepreneur, I am starting up a new business that has a great demand. Ironing out folks who have their Panty in a Knot.
Right now I am looking for investors. If interested, write to me, % The Bird Dropping Institute - A Think Tank For Morons - No Idiots, Please. We "iron out complaints," fer a fee, of course, Horse.
"Money Makes The World Go Around & Abound!" If it wasn't for money, Honey, the world would be flat.
"What the World Needs Now Is Love, Sweet Love", and, a lot Less Bad Nuts & More Pussy...Willows. - Erroneous Zone, Poet, Author, Linda Lovelace's Lover
If you would like to post a comment, send $5.00 to me, them say whatever you want, as long as it praises me.
In the days of my youthful countenance refined,
I did under the sun choose to recline.
To wit, upon my body the scars,
Of the infernal inferno of the nearest of stars!
Thank you, Thomas! I remember Summer Cook-Out as if it was yesterday. We'll have to do that again.
I like posting my Epistles more than starting each day with my Morning Trump Dump. Forget about wiping your Pence. He's gone!
HELP REQUESTED!
My Laptop goes nuts, only when I am composing one of my Masterpieces, here, on EAT THE PRESS - DO NOT WIPE YOUR BUN WITH IT!
The issue is whenever I try to edit it, it automatically skips 3-4 paragraphs and inserts the change there.
Masterpieces, I am learning, are very sensitive to criticism and will sabotage the writer when correcting them. I had one wake me up in the middle of the night and slap me silly with a book on basic grammar.
Anyone else hacked or sabotage as they compose their EPISTLE?
One friendly, frequent poster, gave me some advice. I don't know if it is good or bad advice. There is a difference, you know, don't you?
He posted, "Why don't you clean out your cache once in a while, Idiot?"
I had no idea, he knew my middle name, or, where my "cache" is located. Do you know where yours is located? It's not a "dirty French word," is it? It sounds and typed like a Frenchman.
If you clean out your cache drawer, it is empty-able in mine pocketses right here! That is unless it has nothing but old rusty paperclips and toe nails and bits of dried up dust bunny stuff in it....
You are absolutely correct: toenail clippings, belly lent, no paperclips, but, I did find my car keys in there. Thanks for the tip.
When I returned from Vietnam in 1966, I lived in SanAntonio, Texas, and worked at KENS-TV as a "go-fer!" Go for this, Go for that!
In my quiet moment, alone, restless, I took to writing poems. They calmed my emptiness. I would edit and re-edit them until I could fall asleep. I miss that visceral feeling.
Thank you for opening that long ago, shut window.
A number of my friends have passed. Two-thirds are gone, leaving only one alive, me. I can't rely on me at my age, going on 80.
At night, as I sleep in the fetal position, my EXPIRATION DATE flashes before my eyes, but, I can't read it because I don't sleep with my glasses on. I have broken so many frames that I just gave up.
Any help would be appreciated, especially if it is in CASH! Hundred-dollar bills are nice.
Sorry to hear it, you are not alone. All of my family are dead many of my old friends are as well and having relocated to Phoenix alone I too am quite alone.
I'm only in my early 60s and I know I have to rely only on myself for the rest of my days as well. Personally I don't expect to make 80. Don't know that I want to.
Fortunately though I knew long ago I would have no one to depend on so financially I tried to make arrangements, thankfully so far, so good but I may have a way ta go....
ya never know.
I do wish you the best of luck. I try hard to find something each day to enjoy, that helps.
Smiles
Oh, you should want to. I have enjoyed my 70s more than any time in me life. It took me a very long time to grow up.
My grandkids are a gift!
Life is good, even in bad times.
Don't give up.
Have a long open discussion with the Big Landlord Owner and layout everything. How you feel, what you need. Talk to Him, as if, He is a friend. I did it in 1974 when I was "so far down, it looked like up to me."
Give it a shot!
Thanks, I'm not down, Just realistic. I've been alone much of my life due to alcoholism killing off my whole family. I have little desire to get so old I need help that isn't there. As a caregiver myself at one time... NO thanks !
I've had a good life I have no regrets. When it's my time I'm ready. Be good to see the family again anyway.
I'm in no hurry, but the inevitable awaits us all. I wouldn't want to live forever anyway. I do think I have more years ta go though. So... Happy happy happy .... till the end !
You're too young! In your 60's, I admit some of the . . . changes. . . are not keen to gaze upon at times, but do take hope and think and find someone to 'pay it forward'! It will revive and refresh you all over again. That is, if all else fails you, bless some young or old somebody! If only you 'work' with an intended plan to do so. It can give your life meaning again!
NOTE: Your comments on this sadden and alarm me. Do be well: You still have so much to give!
Nice. You 'flipped' your script and it could not be for a better 'cause' then to encourage "young" 321steve. Life is a treasure even as I fight back the 'tarnish' that is attracted to my every movement. I ask that the 'good Lord' will see to me aging gracefully and that is all that I can do.
BTW, do you have implants or keep you teeth in hydrogenated water, because . . . I'm just thinkin' and sayin'. I'm about to count the cost!
Thanks but I'm OK and not concerned. My family died young, I'm ok if I do too. I'm in no hurry though ..lol
It's not the changes around me that limit me wanting to be here it's the changes with in and of me that limit when I want to be here. lol
I'm spoiled. What can I say...lol
I do not want or really intend to be that old bent over stinky dude that dribbles down his shirt and mumbles to himself all day. NO THANKS !
I've done adult caregiving, I know what many of those people lives end up as. No Thanks .. Pull the plug instead and let me go home. Thank you.
For now, I take care of myself and I'll probably be here for some time. I just don't want to be when I don't but I sure don't intend on hurrying up the process along either.
Smiles !
LMAO.. thanks
No No NO leave dentures IN.
Otherwise around your mouth can sink in and your face ends up looking like a butt hole.
Both my folks wore dentures and took them out every night. Their dentist finally told them no to, sadly it was too late. Uck it was kinda gross.
To be clear, I still am blessed with (some) teeth; though, my oh my the 'work' is almost too much for me. The repeating cost! LOL!
Glad to hear that. I, too, know the nightmare of living with a violent, raging parent who spent every night at the bar. His four brothers and his father were all alcoholics. Some overcame it.
I, too, would be, if I allow myself. I started drinking at the age of 10, or, 11. To this day, at nearly 80, I am haunted by those images. Writing has always been an escape.
No, I spent all of my money on "breast implants." They have made all the difference in the world. (44-Doube "D's") Even that ragweed, T-Rump calls.
I am so frustrated that I am thinking of donating them to GOODWILL.
CB: You are a good person. Nice to have you, here, to chat. You make the world brighter, friend.
Yes I also was an alcoholic Thankfully I stopped when I was 21 I too started when I was about 10 or 11. Dad would send me to go get him a beer, LOL The day I took him half a beer (cause I drank the other half on the way to give it to him) he stopped having me go get his beer.
At 21 I saw the damage that alcoholism was doing to my family and I stopped drinking. I did keep smoking pot and if not for that alternative I don't know that I could have stopped forever and if I hadn't yes I'd likely be dead now as well.
I too find relief in writing.
I, too, would be, if I allow myself.
Yep it's all personal choices and personal responsibility.
Responsibility has benefits.. Irresponsibility has consequences.
I prefer benefits....LOL
HA!
I smoke pot for nearly a decade, but, never really enjoyed it. It made me depressed for nearly a decade.
I did like a peyote button that I took, courtesy of a Native American. It was a profound experience that took 20 years to fully understand.
Of course, now going on 80, I am a Sage, and, always put it on me Morning Cereal.
LOL.. I guess I would be considered an old sage myself.
You put ? on me Morning cereal. pot ... uck LOL
I try not to even "wake and bake" anymore,
till I'm actually awake.
It is veggie night!
I love veggies, too.
Yesterday, I sliced & diced two Vegetarians. The ghost of Jeffrey Dahmer assisted, and I, grilled them over a house fire, then consumed one, put the other in the refrigerator for later.
I may not have to eat for another six months.
Seriously, I am cutting back on meat, and spending more quality time with my "veggies." We have these things in common, "veggies, poetry, and humor!" Perhaps, too, a tad bit of "Out of the Box" thinking!
Nice, Thomas, to have another friend. There are some very clever folks, here, on NewsTalker.com.I always look forward to your comments.
I still can't find my cache on this site. Has anyone seen it?
I (thought) I responded about that last eve. Did I, on some other article, where you were inquiring? I can't seem to locate the response I made. Sometimes a slow system can be 'misunderstood' as to what its placing! I hope it is out there to be found! If not I will share again immediately.
Please, please share. I am drowning in me own bucket of ignorance. Me mind is withering a tad at a time. Soon, too soon, I fear, I may not know me name.
I am seriously contemplating getting it tattooed on the top of me right hand because the left doesn't want any part of this insurection! That way, we typing I might see it, and, remember who I am at that moment.
Oh, yes, I remember, we were talkin' about me DIRTY CACHE, and how to clean it, correcto, mi Amigo?
Sorry to take so long getting back here.
That wiill empty your "cache" on the site. As far as I know! And so the process of filling it up occurs all over again. Occasionally, or when you see unexplained "happenings" a dump of the site cache is CALLED FOR.
Okay "Team NT" if I left anything off or got anything wrong - I humbly ask that you help!
Thank you, CB. I followed your instructions to the "T," then took an unintended "U" turn. Wouldn't you know. Everything is back to "normal." And, I don't like "normal."
Again, thank you for bailing my WAO!
Thank you, CB. I followed your instructions to the "T," then took an unintended "U" turn. Wouldn't you know. Everything is back to "normal." And, I don't like "normal."
Again, thank you for bailing my WAO!
Thank you, CB. I followed your instructions to the "T," then took an unintended "U" turn. Wouldn't you know? Everything is back to "normal." And, I don't like "normal."
Again, thank you for bailing my WAO!
I think one of me screws is loose, again.
Been thinking about you! Good to see you back around: Now get to work! (HA!)