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Nancy Pelosi Introduces Landmark Legislation To Provide Aid For Struggling Personal Stock Portfolio

  

Category:  Satire

Via:  gregtx  •  2 years ago  •  3 comments

By:   The Onion

Nancy Pelosi Introduces Landmark Legislation To Provide Aid For Struggling Personal Stock Portfolio
WASHINGTON—In an effort to revive her lagging capital gains, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi introduced a landmark piece of legislation Thursday that would appropriate federal funds to provide aid for her struggling personal stock portfolio. "This monumental bill will inject a much-needed and long-overdue stimulus,…

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Yesterday 2:20PM Alerts

WASHINGTON—In an effort to revive her lagging capital gains, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi introduced a landmark piece of legislation Thursday that would appropriate federal funds to provide aid for her struggling personal stock portfolio. "This monumental bill will inject a much-needed and long-overdue stimulus, allowing my individual stock picks to reach their full potential," said Pelosi, who remarked that America had to invest big in her private brokerage account now to ensure her frequent buying and selling of shares outperformed the market in the long term. "Without this measure, my equity investments will continue to be trapped in a cycle of disappointing compound annual growth rates. Being able to maximize the rate of return on my holdings is core to the American promise, and this bill delivers on that promise." A press release issued by Pelosi's office touted more than 30 of the speaker's stock positions that would be lifted out of the red if the legislation were adopted.

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GregTx
PhD Guide
1  seeder  GregTx    2 years ago

original

 
 
 
GregTx
PhD Guide
2  seeder  GregTx    2 years ago

Rest In Peace

 
 
 
squiggy
Junior Silent
2.1  squiggy  replied to  GregTx @2    2 years ago

I like the hands @ 19:20.

 
 

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