Kavanaugh Eases Tensions With Protesters By Throwing Good, Old-Fashioned Kegger

  

Category:  Satire

Via:  gregtx  •  2 months ago  •  7 comments

Kavanaugh Eases Tensions With Protesters By Throwing Good, Old-Fashioned Kegger
CHEVY CHASE, MARYLAND - Following the leak of the Supreme Court opinion that could overturn Roe V. Wade, hundreds of abortion advocates traveled to protest outside the homes of the conservative Justices. As the outraged mob closed in on Brett Kavanaugh's home, he was left with only one choice to ease the tensions: throw a good old-fashio ...

S E E D E D   C O N T E N T



CHEVY CHASE, MARYLAND—Following the leak of the Supreme Court opinion that could overturn Roe V. Wade, hundreds of abortion advocates traveled to protest outside the homes of the conservative Justices. As the outraged mob closed in on Brett Kavanaugh's home, he was left with only one choice to ease the tensions: throw a good old-fashioned kegger.

"WHO'S READY FOR AN EPIC RAGER?!" shouted Justice Kavanaugh bursting out of his front door carrying a keg full of beer overhead. "Time to get this party started. Let the beer bash begin! WHOO!"

According to sources, the angry, riled-up crowd was so confused by this move they forgot entirely what they were mad about in the first place. The next thing they knew Kavanaugh was handing out red solo cups, bumping a sick playlist, and starting up a game of beer pong. "Did he just...aren't we supposed to be—," stuttered Amanda Ferguson, a Kavanaugh protestor who was moments before there to intimidate, and harass the Justice and his family. "This is actually... pretty fun... I guess... I guess this guy's alright!"

As the night went on, the crowd continued getting absolutely sloshed with Justice Kavanaugh. Witnesses claim at one point Kavanaugh jumped off the roof and landed a massive cannonball nearly draining the entire pool. "CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!" they shouted as Brett hopped up on the table executing a flawless kegstand. "I can't believe I wanted to burn this guy's house down. This man is an absolute legend."

At publishing time, just as they were all about to do jello shots with Brett, someone yelled "cops!" forcing everyone to scram. The protestors later decided to protest at Justice Amy Coney Barrett's home but were greeted with fresh-baked cookies and juice boxes.


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GregTx
Junior Participates
1  seeder  GregTx    2 months ago

Just because…

384

 
 
 
JBB
Professor Principal
2  JBB    2 months ago

original

 
 
 
JBB
Professor Principal
3  JBB    2 months ago

original

 
 
 
Texan1211
Professor Principal
3.1  Texan1211  replied to  JBB @3    2 months ago

hopefully one day soon EVERYONE will know what the law is pertaining to protests at scotus residences.

that way, people might stop complaining about irrelevant stuff!

 
 
 
Drinker of the Wry
Freshman Principal
3.2  Drinker of the Wry  replied to  JBB @3    2 months ago

Of course Kavanaugh wasn't a member of the 90's Court nor are abortion clinic employees protected by Title 18 of the U.S. Code.

 
 
 
GregTx
Junior Participates
3.2.1  seeder  GregTx  replied to  Drinker of the Wry @3.2    2 months ago

Pshaw..

 
 
 
Sparty On
Professor Principal
4  Sparty On    2 months ago

Nice keg stand technique.

Truly impressive!

 
 

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