Report: Biden Loses Will To Live After COVID Takes His Sense Of Smell
Category: SatireVia: gregtx • last year • 5 comments
WASHINGTON, DC — An odd symptom of COVID-19 is the temporary loss of smell. Now that Joe Biden, has reportedly contracted the illness he told those close to him he would 'rather die' than suffer without his ability to sniff.
"Ol' sniffy means more to me than any other body part," Biden told his staff. "And for you wise guys, I know what you're thinking. And yes, it means more to me than my brain."
As COVID's 0.0003% fatality risk looms large, legal documents have been drafted should Biden take his own life. "If I can no longer smell, even if it's only for a week or so, I would like to be put down in the most humane way possible," Joe Biden solemnly told his staff. Unbeknownst to Joe, someone with handwriting that looks a lot like Kamala Harris' wrote "death by pack of Doberman Pinchers" on the document.
Because of Biden's anxiety, he has demanded doctors attend to his nose around the clock, oftentimes providing scratch and sniff books and shampoo samples to be sure it remains in peak condition.
"Mr. Biden, I assure you, your olfactory is working just fine," a doctor said trying to calm him."
"Impossible. Obama and I shut all the old factories down years ago," Biden said. "Just give it to me straight, doc. Will I ever sniff the hair of another child again?!"