Brittney Griner Rewarded With 9 Years Of Not Hearing The U.S. National Anthem

  

Category:  Satire

Via:  gregtx  •  6 days ago  •  33 comments

Brittney Griner Rewarded With 9 Years Of Not Hearing The U.S. National Anthem
MOSCOW — WNBA star Brittney Griner has been found guilty of drug trafficking charges in Russia. The judge has sentenced Griner to 9 years in a Russian penal colony where she will never have to hear America's national anthem being played.

S E E D E D   C O N T E N T



MOSCOW — WNBA star Brittney Griner has been found guilty of drug trafficking charges in Russia. The judge has sentenced Griner to 9 years in a Russian penal colony where she will never have to hear America's national anthem being played.

"I'm thrilled with this ruling," said Griner to reporters. "For 9 years I will be free from the systemic racism of America and will never have to hear that awful national anthem being played. I look forward to living out the next decade far away in beautiful Russia."

Sources close to Griner say she is also thrilled that she got the exact same sentence a man would have gotten for the exact same crime. "In Russia, they really seem to care about closing the sentencing gap between men and women," she said.

Russian authorities say Griner will be given special tasks around the penal colony, such as reaching things on high shelves, pruning the tops of trees, and breaking large rocks into little rocks.

"I just want to say thank you to Vladimir Putin for saving me from the racist hellhole that is the United States, if only for 9 years," said Griner.

At publishing time, President Biden proposed bringing Griner back home by exchanging her for Hunter Biden.


Tags

jrDiscussion - desc
[]
 
GregTx
Junior Participates
1  seeder  GregTx    6 days ago

512

 
 
 
cjcold
Professor Quiet
1.1  cjcold  replied to  GregTx @1    6 days ago

Sold some pot to Joe Walsh and Bob Marley. Fuck you!

 
 
 
Drinker of the Wry
Freshman Principal
1.1.1  Drinker of the Wry  replied to  cjcold @1.1    6 days ago
Sold some pot to Joe Walsh and Bob Marley.

What, 45 years ago.  Why did Marley buy Mexican dirt weed? 

 
 
 
GregTx
Junior Participates
1.1.2  seeder  GregTx  replied to  cjcold @1.1    6 days ago

Ahhh, was that your 15 minutes? Impressive.....

 
 
 
cjcold
Professor Quiet
1.1.3  cjcold  replied to  Drinker of the Wry @1.1.1    6 days ago

It was pristine! 

I knew Marley back in the day.

 
 
 
cjcold
Professor Quiet
1.1.4  cjcold  replied to  GregTx @1.1.2    6 days ago

Yep it was about an hour. I also knew Mick Jagger and Charlie Watts. Good days!

 
 
 
cjcold
Professor Quiet
1.1.5  cjcold  replied to  cjcold @1.1.4    6 days ago

We won't even talk about my long friendship with Lowell George.

 
 
 
GregTx
Junior Participates
1.1.6  seeder  GregTx  replied to  cjcold @1.1.4    6 days ago
Yep it was about an hour.

Probably only seemed that way to you. But who knows? I don't care what anyone says, I'm still impressed....

 
 
 
Vic Eldred
Professor Principal
1.2  Vic Eldred  replied to  GregTx @1    6 days ago

No special status for her over there.

 
 
 
GregTx
Junior Participates
1.2.1  seeder  GregTx  replied to  Vic Eldred @1.2    6 days ago

Nope, amazing isn't it?

 
 
 
Vic Eldred
Professor Principal
1.2.2  Vic Eldred  replied to  GregTx @1.2.1    5 days ago

Now she is in a country that she can justifiably hate.

 
 
 
Revillug
Freshman Guide
1.3  Revillug  replied to  GregTx @1    3 days ago

512

Anyone who likes some good ol' racist humor now and then is a racist.

Fuck 'em.

 
 
 
GregTx
Junior Participates
1.3.1  seeder  GregTx  replied to  Revillug @1.3    3 days ago

Fuck off

 
 
 
Revillug
Freshman Guide
1.3.2  Revillug  replied to  GregTx @1.3.1    3 days ago

It's not sports humor.

It's not pot humor.

It's racist humor.

 
 
 
Tessylo
Professor Principal
1.3.3  Tessylo  replied to  Revillug @1.3.2    2 days ago

As usual, it's not funny.

 
 
 
Texan1211
Professor Principal
1.3.4  Texan1211  replied to  Tessylo @1.3.3    5 hours ago
As usual, it's not funny.

As usual, you fail to appreciate satire because it makes some fun of your heroes.

 
 
 
magicschoolbusdropout
Freshman Expert
1.3.5  magicschoolbusdropout  replied to  Texan1211 @1.3.4    5 hours ago
it makes some fun of your heroes.

Drugie Heros !

 
 
 
magicschoolbusdropout
Freshman Expert
2  magicschoolbusdropout    6 days ago

judge has sentenced Griner to 9 years in a Russian penal colony where she will never have to hear America's national anthem being played

Turn OFF sound ! LOL !

 
 
 
cjcold
Professor Quiet
3  cjcold    6 days ago

[removed]

 
 
 
GregTx
Junior Participates
3.1  seeder  GregTx  replied to  cjcold @3    6 days ago

Don't hold back cj, tell us how you really feel..

 
 
 
cjcold
Professor Quiet
3.1.1  cjcold  replied to  GregTx @3.1    6 days ago

[REMOVED]

 
 
 
bugsy
Professor Participates
3.2  bugsy  replied to  cjcold @3    6 days ago

Funny how most Americans feel the same about far left wing communists.

[deleted]

 
 
 
Drinker of the Wry
Freshman Principal
3.3  Drinker of the Wry  replied to  cjcold @3    6 days ago

[REMOVED]

 
 
 
afrayedknot
Freshman Quiet
3.3.1  afrayedknot  replied to  Drinker of the Wry @3.3    6 days ago

“…How long…”

…must we be subject to the sophomoric?

To paraphrase; ‘half as clever as one thinks they are and twice as obtuse as ones’ words display.’

 
 
 
Drinker of the Wry
Freshman Principal
3.3.2  Drinker of the Wry  replied to  afrayedknot @3.3.1    6 days ago
…must we be subject to the sophomoric?

So you don't think cjcold was making a real assertion, just trolling?

 
 
 
afrayedknot
Freshman Quiet
3.3.3  afrayedknot  replied to  Drinker of the Wry @3.3.2    6 days ago

Again…buttressing the point.

Predictability is apparently somes’ only attribute. Carry on. 

 
 
 
cjcold
Professor Quiet
3.3.4  cjcold  replied to  Drinker of the Wry @3.3    6 days ago

[]

 
 
 
Right Down the Center
Sophomore Guide
4  Right Down the Center    6 days ago

You have to abide by the laws of where you are going, especially if you are going to places less than friendly with the US. There are many Americans in foreign prisons that the government is not going through these lengths to get released. Take care of them first before taking care of her. And then make a deal that couldn't end in America deaths.

 
 
 
cjcold
Professor Quiet
4.1  cjcold  replied to  Right Down the Center @4    6 days ago

Went to Africa once and nearly screwed up. It was a very close thing.

 
 
 
cjcold
Professor Quiet
4.1.1  cjcold  replied to  cjcold @4.1    6 days ago

My advice is to not fuck the president's daughter.

 
 
 
charger 383
Professor Quiet
5  charger 383    6 days ago

Thread 3 locked and tickets issued for disgusting insults

 
 
 
Revillug
Freshman Guide
6  Revillug    5 days ago

This is simply not funny and the motivation is racist.

There is a real woman in a world of trouble over a small amount of cannabis recommended by a doctor for pain. Professional athletes deal with a lot of chronic pain. All of the available drugs have draw backs.

Apparently cannabis gets you sent to the gulag.

 
 
 
Jeremy Retired in NC
PhD Guide
6.1  Jeremy Retired in NC  replied to  Revillug @6    2 days ago
There is a real woman in a world of trouble over a small amount of cannabis recommended by a doctor for pain.

I guess you don't know who Marc Fogel is.  He's serving 14 years in a Russian prison for the same offense.  

But we didn't hear a goddamn thing about HIM.  Just some self-absorbed basketball player with a big mouth.

 
 

Who is online

GregTx
Ed-NavDoc
squiggy
jw
Tessylo
Freefaller
Jack_TX


45 visitors