Coca-Cola CEO admits the only reason they make mini cans is for dudes to use in their dick pics

  

Category:  Satire

Via:  hallux  •  3 weeks ago  •  3 comments

By:   LUKE GORDON FIELD - The Beaverton

Coca-Cola CEO admits the only reason they make mini cans is for dudes to use in their dick pics

S E E D E D   C O N T E N T



ATLANTA –   Coca-Cola   CEO Bryan O’Malley acknowledged this morning what industry insiders had long suspected: that the only reason the company sells the 222ml mini can version is so guys sending sexually explicit pictures can make their dicks look bigger.

“Obviously there is no reason for anyone to buy a   coke   or   sprite   that has less delicious liquid than our usual cans,” said O’Malley. “Unless they are sending a photo of their member to a consenting partner and need a reference point that is a little more… forgiving than the 355ml version.”

“It was hard at first to convince the board that we should manufacture, distribute and market an entire product just to help average sized men convince people they have big penises, but eventually they saw sense.”

Using a Coke can as an amateur measuring stick in   dick pics   has been common place since the late aughts, right before Coke first introduced the mini cans. Since then their popularity has exploded among people who think drinking 130 less ml of water filled with either sugar or chemicals will somehow make it healthy, and dudes in their twenties.

“It’s a bit silly because the mini can isn’t enough so I end up drinking two, which is more than I would have drank if I just bought the original size can. But they’re still helpful for… other things,” said Logan Bach.

In related news Coca-Cola says they didn’t design the shape of their 600ml bottle to make it perfect for shoving up your   butt , but they’re cool if that’s something you wanna do. Just empty it out first.


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Hallux
Junior Principal
1  seeder  Hallux    3 weeks ago

The Ranking: Penis Size by State

 
 
 
Zombie Ice
Freshman Silent
2  Zombie Ice    3 weeks ago

This is terrible news and I just applied for a refund from the account i subscribe to on onlyfans. She puts objects from the ice box in her box and her specialty is the coke can. I should have blown it up and checked the ounces on that can. I feel not only betrayed but ripped off.

 
 
 
Revillug
Freshman Guide
3  Revillug    3 weeks ago

This brings new meaning to the jingle, "I'm feeling 7 up."

 
 

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