PA Senate Candidate Reminds Everyone That 'Fetterman' Is The Name Of The Doctor Who Created Him, Not His Actual Name

  

Category:  Satire

Via:  gregtx  •  one month ago  •  5 comments

PA Senate Candidate Reminds Everyone That 'Fetterman' Is The Name Of The Doctor Who Created Him, Not His Actual Name
HARRISBURG, PA — Midway through his debate against Dr. Oz this week, the Democratic candidate for Pennsylvania's open Senate seat issued a heated reminder that

S E E D E D   C O N T E N T



HARRISBURG, PA — Midway through his debate against Dr. Oz this week, the Democratic candidate for Pennsylvania's open Senate seat issued a heated reminder that "Fetterman" was the name of the scientist who created him and not his own name.

"Before acknowledging the question, I would like to take this opportunity to remind the moderators, Dr. Oz, and the audience that it is a common misconception that I am 'Fetterman' - Dr. Fetterman was actually the scientist who constructed me." The debate moderators apologized after they took a few moments to process the inarticulate grunts and groans.

Despite years of pop culture and political reporting using the misnomer "Fetterman" to refer to the hastily-constructed Democrat behemoth, fans of the source material have long called for the Pennsylvania Senate candidate to be called "the creature" or "Fetterman's monster" rather than "Fetterman." Some of the more astute onlookers have raised the question of whether Dr. Fetterman himself is morally culpable for creating a giant zombie from exhumed corpses and then abandoning his creation. These anti-Fetterman fans have summed up their stance with the pithy phrase: "Knowledge is knowing 'Fetterman' isn't the monster, but wisdom is knowing that 'Fetterman' is the monster."

At publishing time, the Democratic Senate candidate for Pennsylvania had stormed out, vowing revenge on the scientist who formed him but left him to be humiliated on the debate stage but was later calmed down by Gisele bringing him a glass of sugar water before he could carry out his oath.


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GregTx
Junior Participates
1  seeder  GregTx    one month ago

384

 
 
 
Sean Treacy
Professor Expert
2  Sean Treacy    one month ago

Good one,

Lucky there were no open flames at the debate or we might have had some fatalities. 

 
 
 
GregTx
Junior Participates
2.1  seeder  GregTx  replied to  Sean Treacy @2    one month ago

384

 
 
 
Dismayed Patriot
Professor Participates
3  Dismayed Patriot    one month ago

It wasn't a stroke, it was a sed-a-give...

But seriously, Dr. Oz is way creepier than Fetterman. Oz is a charlatan who doesn't want anyone to look behind the curtain.

i-am-the-293df591ac.jpg

 
 
 
Drinker of the Wry
Freshman Principal
3.1  Drinker of the Wry  replied to  Dismayed Patriot @3    one month ago
 Oz is a charlatan who doesn't want anyone to look behind the curtain.

Did Columbia University ever ban him from lecturing there?

 
 

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