Patriarchy Wins Beauty Pageant

  

Category:  The Zoo

Via:  gregtx  •  3 weeks ago  •  3 comments

Patriarchy Wins Beauty Pageant
DERRY, NH — After an intense competition, the winner of a local Miss America beauty pageant for a college scholarship was revealed to be the Patriarchy.

S E E D E D   C O N T E N T



DERRY, NH — After an intense competition, the winner of a local Miss America beauty pageant for a college scholarship was revealed to be the Patriarchy.

Brian Nguyen, the male winner who left twelve female competitors in the dust, accepted his prize on behalf of oppressive, dominating males everywhere. "I'm a beautiful lady! See? I shave my legs and stuff!" growled the 250-pound behemoth of a male. "I'm proud to show the world that men are better at being women than women are. Chalk up one more point for the patriarchy! WOOOOOOOOOO!"

Nguyen then shotgunned a beer and crushed the can on his head.

Sources say few expected Nyugen to win the contest, but he quickly shut down skepticism after posting perfect scores in the caber toss, pie eating contest, and parallel parking competitions — all new additions to the pageant.

"We hope Nyugen's performance sends a clear message to girls everywhere," said Jyrx Gruumer, the local pageant coordinator. "Men will continue to invade their spaces and their competitions until they dominate in every category, all opportunities are stripped from women, and women cease to be a real category of human being altogether. PROGRESS!"

At publishing time sources had confirmed pageants across the country are reinforcing their stages to bear the weight of the influx of male contestants this year.


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GregTx
Junior Participates
1  seeder  GregTx    3 weeks ago

original

 
 
 
squiggy
Junior Quiet
2  squiggy    3 weeks ago

“Social media is very divided on this with mixed reactions because some people feel this is taking a scholarship away from a female…”

The whiners should be happy they found someone large enough to represent all of Greater Derry. You go girl!

 
 
 
Ronin2
Professor Quiet
2.1  Ronin2  replied to  squiggy @2    2 weeks ago

The "winner" might eat all of Greater Derry in a transgender Godzilla moment.

 
 

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