Trump sues far-right Brazilian protestors for trademark infringement
Category: SatireVia: hallux • 3 weeks ago • 5 comments
By: IAN MACINTYRE - The Beaverton
BRASILIA – As far-right supporters of former Brazilian president Jair Bolsonaro riot in the country’s capital to protest his electoral loss, former US president Donald Trump has sued them for “stealing my trademark move”.
“The violence, the baseless accusations of voter fraud, the unmistakable stench of Steve Bannon – this is a blatant ripoff of my beautiful January 6th copyrights,” shouted Trump from his Mar-a-Lago beach resort. “They’ve even got masked idiots wearing the country’s flag as a cape while they smash government buildings. My idiots invented that!”
“Get my copyright lawyer on the phone,” Trump bellowed, “I want a nickel every time one of these Brazilian losers says ‘Stop The Steal’ in Spanish!”
Following last Fall’s Brazilian election that narrowly saw left wing Lula da Silva defeat far-right autocrat Bolsonaro, the growing unrest in Brazil has been fuelled by conspiracy theories and a shadowy network of authoritarian media – all of which the 45th US president insists are “classic Trump, baby!”
Trump has been largely disinterested in commenting on foreign affairs since losing the 2020 US election (“Allegedly losing”, the former president notes). However, the right wing unrest in Brazil has prompted Trump to weigh in, mostly in hopes of threatening litigation to get paid some kind of licensing fee by the rioters.
Furthering Trump’s case for the Brazilian riots being derived from his own intellectual property is the presence of several noted MAGA lackeys in the lead up to the violence. In addition to Steve Bannon’s podcast radicalizing Bolsonaro supporters, Trump henchmen Ali Alexander and Jason Miller have also been highly involved in stoking the riots.
“My former employees teaching other rightwing goons how to smash buildings after losing an election is a valuable trade secret, and a clear violation of the NDAs I made them sign,” screamed Trump as he demanded more ketchup bottles to hurl at the wall.
Trump lawyers attempted to reach out to the head of the Brazilian mob to serve legal notice, but remained largely unsuccessful. “We sent Giuliani down to find where Bolsonaro is hiding,” explained one Trump aide, “but Rudy just wandered around a Miami supermarket shouting at every retired Hispanic man he saw, ‘I’m suing you!’”
In addition to Trump claiming credit for the Brazilian anti-democratic riot, Elon Musk is citing the violence as his first successful accomplishment as CEO of Twitter.