Marjorie Taylor Greene cuts ties with Dre after being told he’s a doctor
Category: SatireVia: hallux • 2 weeks ago • 6 comments
By: GEOFF CORK - The Beaverton
Washington, D.C. – US House member Marjorie Taylor Greene has cut professional ties with hip hop artist Dr. Dre after discovering through various sources that he is a doctor.
“I don’t work with science-based phonies,” explained Greene. “I didn’t realize that Dre lived in this mystical, logic-based fairytale, a world full of illegitimacy and groomers. I live in the real world where dinosaurs lived at the same time as humans, Jewish people own space lasers, and Donald Trump won the 2020 election.”
Greene is famously opposed to anything resembling medicine, health, or formal education. After hearing that Dre might have actually studied or learned anything constructive to society, she immediately removed everything from her social media using his work. She also has introduced the “Fire Dre Act” bill to the house, which would eliminate Dre’s salary until his successor is named, despite him not working for the government. The bill has gained criticism not only for its lack of any legal coherence, but also for the fact that it was submitted in crayon.
“Not letting me fire Dre is the same as sending Jews to gas chambers in the holocaust,” explained Greene to reporters outside the chambers. “The thing about doctors in this country is they lie. I don’t work with liars. Also Sandy Hook was staged, and Bill Gates is trying to grow fake meat in peach tree dishes.”
Greene admitted she was attracted to Dre’s music at first because of his love of saying “fuck the police” on some of his tracks. She later discovered this did not in fact refer to the Capitol Building police, who Greene wanted investigated for doing their job, but actually all police, which Greene adamantly defends since they protect racist white women like herself.
Greene has also recently cut ties with rapper Eminem after finding out he’s a white guy who hates cops, not the delicious hard-shelled chocolate confectionary.