Stephen Colbert Is Not Paying $99 for Trump’s New Book
Category: SatireVia: hallux • 3 weeks ago • 7 comments
By: Trish Bendix - NYT
Donald Trump has a new book coming out : “Letters to Trump,” a collection of missives he’s received from public figures over the last 40 years.
The price? A mere $99. Stephen Colbert says it’s part of Trump’s “insatiable need for cash and external validation.”
“Now, you may be thinking, ‘Hey, Steve, this book sounds like another one of our greedy ex-president’s shameless cash grabs,’ and you would think real good, because this book he didn’t write costs $99. Yes, it sounds expensive, but how should he know? He’s never bought a book.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Well, I mean, it’s good to know he’s finally learned his letters: [singing] A, B, C, D, E, F, G, person-woman-man, camera, TV.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Former President Trump is releasing a book called ‘Letters to Trump’ that’s made up of 150 private letters sent to him by big-name celebrities like Oprah, the Clintons, and Liza Minnelli. It’s kind of strange. Trump is bragging, like, ‘Look at all the friends I used to have. It’s all in the book.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, the first five letters are from celebrities, the rest are just fan mail from Scott Baio.” — JIMMY FALLON
The Punchiest Punchlines (Final Notice Edition)
“Former President Trump is set next month to publish a new book of private letters sent to him titled ‘Letters to Trump.’ Though, really, it’s mostly final notices from utility companies.” — SETH MEYERS
“It’s actually a book of correspondence written to him, so, naturally, the cover features him writing a letter.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“I would like to see the letters that Trump wrote. Like, [imitating Trump] ‘My dearest Colonel Sanders, I can’t wait to meet you.’” — JIMMY FALLON“If the book does well, the next volume will be a collection of his favorite subpoenas.” — JIMMY FALLON
... is that like $1 a page, or $1 per word he actually wrote?
A fool and their money
Punctuation will cost you extra.
should be pretty funny when the presidential archives matches his letters to their inventory...
Oh goodie, something to keep all of those $99 NFT cards flat.