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Chuck Schumer Warns Buffalo Hat Guy Will Crawl Out Of Your TV And Kill You If You Watch Tucker's Jan 6 Video | Babylon Bee

  

Category:  Satire

Via:  jeremy-in-nc  •  last year  •  7 comments

By:   The Babylon Bee

Chuck Schumer Warns Buffalo Hat Guy Will Crawl Out Of Your TV And Kill You If You Watch Tucker's Jan 6 Video | Babylon Bee
"I heard from a friend who said their uncle's cousin's ex-wife told them that this video is cursed. Cursed! If you watch the video, at some point in the next seven days, the Buffalo Hat QAnon Shaman will supernaturally crawl out of your TV and murder you! Save yourselves! Watch CNN! It's your only hope!

S E E D E D   C O N T E N T



Desperate to keep more of the American public from seeing previously unreleased security camera footage from the January 6, 2021 breaching of the U.S. Capitol, New York Senator Chuck Schumer has now issued a warning that the Buffalo Hat QAnon Shaman will crawl out of the television set and kill anyone who dares to view the video.

"I cannot overstate how dangerous this is," Senator Schumer said to members of the media at the Capitol. "I heard from a friend who said their uncle's cousin's ex-wife told them that this video is cursed. Cursed! If you watch the video, at some point in the next seven days, the Buffalo Hat QAnon Shaman will supernaturally crawl out of your TV and murder you! Save yourselves! Watch CNN! It's your only hope!"

Fox News host Tucker Carlson has come under heavy criticism from government officials on both sides of the political aisle and members of the mainstream news media for airing previously unseen video from the day of the riots, with some declaring Carlson's decision a threat to democracy itself. With Carlson's show drawing huge ratings, Schumer took a more drastic approach. "You'll literally die if you watch the video," Schumer said. "You'll die and you'll also kill democracy and freedom. That's not in any way an exaggeration."

At publishing time, after hearing about Carlson's intention to continue airing new footage, Schumer was reportedly meeting with Mitch McConnell and other prominent political leaders to plan the next train derailment or viral pandemic release to draw attention from the damning video.


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Jeremy Retired in NC
Professor Expert
1  seeder  Jeremy Retired in NC    last year
"I heard from a friend who said their uncle's cousin's ex-wife told them that this video is cursed"

Isn't that how most on the left get their information?

 
 
 
devangelical
Professor Principal
2  devangelical    last year

I'll be shocked if that Q-nut jag-off lasts more than 30 days beyond his release date.

 
 
 
Jeremy Retired in NC
Professor Expert
2.1  seeder  Jeremy Retired in NC  replied to  devangelical @2    last year
sat·ire
noun
  1. the use of humor, irony,  exaggeration , or ridicule to expose and  criticize  people's  stupidity  or  vices , particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other  topical  issues
 
 
 
Nerm_L
Professor Expert
3  Nerm_L    last year

Well, this is too implausible to be considered satire.  Everyone knows Democrats will be pushing Liz Cheney in front of the cameras.

 
 
 
Jeremy Retired in NC
Professor Expert
3.1  seeder  Jeremy Retired in NC  replied to  Nerm_L @3    last year
Everyone knows Democrats will be pushing Liz Cheney in front of the cameras.

Taking out Dumb to put Dumber in.

 
 
 
Nerm_L
Professor Expert
3.1.1  Nerm_L  replied to  Jeremy Retired in NC @3.1    last year
Taking out Dumb to put Dumber in.

We're still waiting to hear Mitt Romney's thoughts on the matter.

 
 

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