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McConnell Acknowledges He Is No Longer Fit To Be Senator, Will Keep Being Senator

  

Category:  Satire

Via:  gregtx  •  3 months ago  •  6 comments

McConnell Acknowledges He Is No Longer Fit To Be Senator, Will Keep Being Senator
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an emotional speech, Senator Mitch McConnell admitted he is no longer physically capable of serving in the United States Senate and so will continue serving in the Senate until the year 2027.

S E E D E D   C O N T E N T


WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an emotional speech, Senator Mitch McConnell admitted he is no longer physically capable of serving in the United States Senate and so will continue serving in the Senate until the year 2027.

"It is incredibly difficult to acknowledge that I can simply no longer perform the duties of a Senator," said McConnell. "And so, it is with a heavy heart that I announce I will continue being a Senator for the next three years."

McConnell also confessed that he no longer had the capacity to serve as the Republican Party leader, and so would continue doing so until after an incredibly consequential election. "You have to know when to hang it up," said McConnell. "After several episodes of losing all mental functions including the ability to speak, I had to look in the mirror and recognize that my time was up. So, I'm going to keep doing the exact same job until right after an enormously important election, after which time I'll turn it over to someone who can still consistently speak in sentences."

At publishing time, President Biden had called McConnell to ask him why on earth he had decided to retire so young.


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GregTx
PhD Guide
1  seeder  GregTx    3 months ago

512

 
 
 
Sean Treacy
Professor Principal
2  Sean Treacy    3 months ago

He should run for president.  Fits right in

 
 
 
MrFrost
Professor Guide
3  MrFrost    3 months ago
In an emotional speech, Senator Mitch McConnell admitted he is no longer physically capable of serving in the United States Senate

He never was. He's just another Russian puppet. 

 
 
 
Sean Treacy
Professor Principal
3.1  Sean Treacy  replied to  MrFrost @3    3 months ago
He's just another Russian puppet. 

Attacking McConnell as a  Russian puppet shows just how ignorant and lazy left wing talking points have gotten.  He's been the guy fighting to arm Ukraine since Democrats had a crush on Putin.    But when your idea  of clever is calling him Moscow Mitch because they both start with "M" i guess you can't expect much. 

 
 
 
MrFrost
Professor Guide
3.1.1  MrFrost  replied to  Sean Treacy @3.1    3 months ago
since Democrats had a crush on Putin.

Well, since that never happened.

 
 
 
charger 383
Professor Silent
4  charger 383    3 months ago

          " I can simply no longer perform the duties of a Senator"

How does that make him different from most of them?

 
 

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