White House Responds To Haitian Immigrant Crisis By Airdropping Crates Of Cats Into Springfield, OH
S E E D E D C O N T E N T
SPRINGFIELD, OH — U.S. military cargo planes airdropped crates full of cats over Springfield on Thursday in a strategic response authorized by President Joe Biden to aid residents in light of the ongoing Haitian immigration crisis.
"Problem solved," Biden said, departing for Rehoboth Beach in celebration.
The airdrops began early this morning, just before dawn. Lieutenant Colonel Dick Kraven said of Operation Land On Their Feet, "We dropped over a hundred crates full of felines in strategic locations throughout the city in a concerted effort to replenish the local cat supply. Unfortunately, the large number of cats attracted wild coyotes and additional Haitian immigrants to the area."
The Babylon Bee has learned that Pentagon officials are disheartened by what they are calling an "unmitigated disaster" worse than Biden's disastrous withdrawal from Afghanistan.
"All the cats are dead," reported General David Allvin, Chief of Staff of the United States Air Force. "Our follow-up crates full of scratching posts are useless."
NIAID Director Dr. Anthony Fauci said the event was not a terrible waste because they received vital data. "We can now say for certain that cats do not have nine lives," he said. "This is a game changer."
At publishing time, President Biden considered throwing more cats at the problem.
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How long you give it until the first "this isn't satire" or "this isn't funny" replies?
Meh, mind over matter....
“Meh, mind over matter....”
Imagine trying to explain to your six year old why they couldn’t go to school today:
‘First and foremost, honey, this has nothing to do with you. Remember that and always know you are loved. Sadly, it’s also important to remember that some people are different and they only care about themselves, even if it means they are willing to hurt others through their words or their actions. We will always protect you as best we can and will never, ever, ever let those bad people hurt you.’
‘Meh’? Heart over hate.
How would you explain it?
Explain what?
What does that even mean? 'Meh, 'mind over matter' in regard to the responses to this alleged satire/humor? Makes no sense.
This 'satire' is actually quite racist. How deplorable.
How so?
That you don't see it is quite sad. Shameful.
[✘]
Mmmm
So, this is what the cult of maga finds humorous.
Closing schools, terrorizing our children, inculcating racist stereotypes. Funny stuff.
Unconscionable.
Have you seen the one on Instagram by 'the kiffness'?
I wish I knew how to copy and paste it. It's hilarious.
They're killing the dogs ... whoa whoa whoa whoa ... they're killing the cats ... meow meow meow meow
You have to watch it to appreciate it.
All the streaming proceeds go to a local shelter
He is a laughingstock - him and jd
That's pretty good and spot on as well.
I sure hope Biden didn't deplete our strategic kitty supply.