Oldfolks Jokes
BECOMING A SENIOR
Barb was lying in bed one night. Larry was falling asleep but Barb was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me... "
Mildly irritated, Larry reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my neck..." Angrily, Larry threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed
"Where are you going?" Barb asked.
"To get my teeth!"
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DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER
80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!" An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?" Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough."
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OLD FRIENDS
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me... I know we've been friends for a long time but I just can't think of your name. I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
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SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the motorway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Vernon, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on I-25. Please be careful!" "Hell," said Vernon, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
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SUPERSEX
A little old lady who had lost her marbles was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she ran, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex." She ran up to an elderly man in a wheelchair, flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex." He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."
Please Friends, tell me this won't happen to us!!!
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My brother strikes again. Guess he's really into "old folks jokes" since he's 91 years old.
Ever get a distinct whiff of that sour "Old People Smell",
when you are all alone?
When the Doctor says he needs a blood sample, a urine sample, a stool sample and a semen sample, give him your underwear!
All four of those on your underwear must mean one scary condition, or many.