“I cannot shop at Costco anymore :-)))))
I CANNOT SHOP AT COSTCO ANY MORE))))
Yesterday I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Necco, the Wonder Dog, which weighs 191 lbs. I was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had an elephant? So, because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your jacket pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, so it works well, and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to Pee on a Fire Hydrant and a car hit me,
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Costco won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say.
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Emailed to retired Buzz by his retired older brother. We both have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say - in fact, I think I do a lot of that.
And the joke comes to life....
Manneken Pis
Manneken Pis ( Dutch for 'Little Pissing Man'; Dutch: [ˌmɑnəkə(m) ˈpɪs] ⓘ ) is a landmark [1] 55.5 cm (21.9 in) [a] bronze fountain sculpture in central Brussels , Belgium, depicting a puer mingens ; a naked little boy urinating into the fountain's basin. Though its existence is attested as early as the mid-15th century, [2] Manneken Pis was redesigned by the Brabantine sculptor Jérôme Duquesnoy the Elder and put in place in 1619. [3] [4] [5] Its stone niche in rocaille style dates from 1770. [6] [4] The statue has been repeatedly stolen or damaged throughout its history. Since 1965, a replica has been displayed, [7] with the original stored in the Brussels City Museum . [4] [8]
Here's one in Prague:
OMG-- I never realized!
People are pissing all over the place!
Yep. Even pissing on others, but I'm not going to get political on this group.
I have seen that one in person.
The mythos I was told is it was a little prince who went missing during a siege, when found he was naked and found pissing on enemy cannon fuses.
Whether or not that's true-- its a cool story!
LOL. Serving his country by any means.
Your brother is great for sending these jokes. He is a treasure here on NT.
He also sends me great video clips and cartoons that I can't reproduce to post.
Damn! Have you suggested he join NT just to post his jokes, videos and cartoons? I am sure we all would enjoy them.
Sorry, but I don't intend to.
He can't shop at Food Lion anymore
A man and his wife wanted to join Some church. They went to classes, read the bible, gave up drinking, even cleaned the church. The preacher said you have one more test: no sex for a month. They came to the preacher and the man confessed on the 25th day they went shopping and the wife dropped an apple and bent over to pick it up and he couldn't take it anymore and they had sex right there in the produce section.
The preacher said "I'm sorry but you failed the test and can't come into the church
The man said "I can't come into the Food Lion anymore either.
No loss. You'd have to be a priest or a nun to choose church instead of sex.
Costco has a 2 for 1 special on the super large bags of Purina Dog Chow this weekend. The new Costco opened a few weeks ago in a solid retirement area, this may become a thing in the hood.
I wonder why that sale? Maybe Costco saw the joke and thought a lot of people might have taken it seriously.
Now they're even selling gold bars!
And to make it even easier to quickly increase the size of your gold hoard-- in some countries you can even buy it in vending machines!!!
GOLD to go™ Vending Machines (Gold ATMs), which enable the
public to purchase and take immediate delivery of small gold bars and
other gold products at the push of a button, were launched internationally
in 2010.
Ex Oriente Lux AG, which designed and operates the machines, has its
headquarters in Reutlingen in the state of Baden-Württemberg, 200 km
south of Frankfurt.
Gold ATMS are now available at high security locations in 7 countries:
Germany, Italy, Portugal, Switzerland, United Kingdom, USA and United
Arab Emirates... (Cont'd)
I believe the value of gold is pretty high these days.
Maybe their AI ("Artificial Intelligence") thinks you are trying to steal their gold? Which is really stupid as you are obviously not a crook.
Probably their AI is new and has been "housebroken" yet! (It takes a while to train it before it works properly).
Being an incredibly important person (Like everyone else on social media) I'll see if I can find time to speak to my contact at COSTCO and put in a good word for you!
Aha!
An #18.40b !!!
Just as i suspected!
Traditionally people buy (and hold) gold as a hedge against inflation. Since inflation has been relatively high (although its coming down) more people buy gold. Also when the world looks scarier than usual people buy gold.
The conventional wisdom is to always have 5% (or is it 5 to 10%?) of your portfolio in Gold. I used to do that but don't anymore.
Back in Toronto I used to shop at COSTCO. Here what is similar is the big box stores like METRO (which is German-owned), and Walmart.
LOL
The only 'portfolio' I have is a leather case with some important papers in it.
In recent times, since the advent of Bitcoin, some people buy Bitcoin as an inflation hedge.
And any commodity can be an inflation hedge, although valuable things like precious metals are usually used as inflation hedges. Gold, Silver, Platinum.
Inflation is pretty minimal where I am, which is a good thing since I don't have any hedge against inflation, and in fact no hedge at all since I live on the 15th floor of a building.
A cop stopped me on my way home the other day. The officer looked in the back of my car and said, “Why are there penguins in your car?”
I replied, “These are my penguins. They belong to me.”
“You need to take them to the zoo,” the policeman said.
Two days later, the cop stopped me driving down the road again. He saw the penguins were still in the car, but they were wearing sunglasses this time. “I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!”, the officer said.
“I did,” I replied. “And today I’m taking them to the beach."
Funny.
A burglar breaks into a house. He hears a vice saying ''Jesus and Lucifer are watching you closely" Burgler shines his light and sees a Parrot. He says "Did you say that" and the Parrot says "Yes, they are watching you" The Burgler asks the Parrot what his name is and the Parrot replies "Hector" Burgler says "Hector? What kind of people name a parrot Hector?" Hector says "same kind of people that name Dobermans Jesus and Lucifer"