A RETIREE'S LAST TRIP TO PUBLIX SUPERMARKET
A RETIREE'S LAST TRIP TO PUBLIX SUPERMARKET (our Favourite Place To Shop in Florida)
>>>>> Yesterday I was at the Villages' (an area north of Orlando full of retirees) Publix (our large food chain in Florida) buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Owen, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
>>>>> What did she think I had an elephant? So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, (certified), so it works well and I was going to try it again.
>>>>> (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
>>>>> Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me?
>>>>> I told her no, I had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.
>>>>> I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
>>>>> Publix won't let me shop there anymore.
>>>>> Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.
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Just got this from my brother - it was my morning's laugh. We've both spent lots of time in Florida for we're very familiar with Florida retirees and their antics.
Funny!!
Btw, I have not forgotten you or the prize, I've been a little short of cash, and have had trouble getting out and about.
Oh Dowser, I had forgotten about it myself - old age dementia I suppose. It will come in handy because the Canadian dollar has taken a nose dive during the past year - lost 10% of its value so the exchange for Chinese Yuan is that much less.
However, if it's a problem for you, I release you from the obligation.
Dear Friend Buzz: Thanks for brightening my day. That was superb!
Enoch.
Awesome prank Buzz ... Now I want to adopt that story to use when I buy cat food . Maybe something about trying to cover my poop with dirt ?
Wonderful story Buzz, thanks for sharing that one!!
Great story Buzz. Being retired, does bring out the smartass in us.
She was quite obviously a Democrat since they don't know how to be friendly either.
Come on, John R, it was obviously a joke. As your great American philosopher Pogo said: "Don't take life too serious, son. It ain't nohow permanent." I think it was actually one of Pogo's friends, Churchy la Femme.
I hope that the ice and snow will allow me to get to the post office this weekend. MUCH love to you!
More words of wisdom from the one and only, Churchy la Femme.