The Self-Checkout (b_tch)
We went to the local Giant store tonight, all of us. We needed three things: Milk, tiny little light bulbs for the camper that resemble those old Kodak flashbulbs, and peanut butter. Naturally, once there, we ended up with a small cartload of stuff.
Since all the open check-out lanes were full, with people standing four deep in line, we moseyed down the aisles, looking for a place to check out, and found THE spot-- the Self-Checkout line. As a rule, I avoid those things like the plague, but the lines were long, and I was tired, so I thought, What the heck!
I pushed my cart up, and The Big Guy went on down to the other open Self-checkout, to buy his two packages of light bulbs. I pressed "Start" and the disembodied voice of the Self-Checkout said, "Please scan your first item."
The first item I grabbed was the windbreaker jacket that I had foundperfect for camping! I rooted around and found the tag under the arm, dropping the hangar on the floor in the process, and waved the tag over the two windows on the scanner. "Please scan your first item."
"I am; I am! Please READ the first item," I told it, swiping the tag frantically. Peep grabbed the hanger off the floor and handed it to me. My arms were full with the coat, trying to aim the tag over the two windows, so I tucked the hanger under my chin... Which one is the scanning window? "Please scan your first item." I frantically waved the tag over the two windows. "I'm scanning; I'm scanning!" I told it.
Finally, I heard a 'Beep' -- and the price of the jacket showed up on the screen. The disembodied voice said, "Please place your item in the bag."
So, licking my fingers, I opened the tiny little bag, and immediately realized that the jacket wasn't going to fit. I wadded it up and tried stuffing it in. I put the collar and one arm in, and the voice said, "Please place your item in the bag." I dropped the hangar, as I struggled with the coat.
"Hold on a second," I told it. "It's a coat, it doesn't want to fit". I wrestled with the coat, which suddenly became stiff with disagreeableness, and wouldn't bend at all, the lining sticking to the sides of the bag. "Please place your item in the bag," it said again.
"I'm stuffing, I'm stuffing!" I told it, struggling to fit the coat into the tiny bag, grabbing up arms as they fell out and jamming them in. "Please Place Your Item In The Bag," it said, insistently.
Finally, I just wadded it up and hung it over the handles of the bag holder. " There , will that do?" I asked.
"Unknown item in the bag" the machine said.
"It's a coat, dimwit, it won't fit in a bag!" I told it.
"UNKNOWN ITEM IN THE BAG," it said. "PLEASE REMOVE YOUR ITEM. UNKNOWN..." So, I picked the coat up, and obviously, at this point, the lady who watches over things pushed a button, and the voice was silent. I threw the coat into the cart, bagless, and picked up the milk.
"Please scan your next item," it said. So, after about 3 tries, it beeped and registered the milk. "There!" I told it. "Happy now?"
"Please place your item in the bag." I licked my fingers, pried another bag off the rack, and put the milk in. I managed to scan a couple of other items, but then I got to the movies.
"Please scan your next item," it said. I scanned the movie, Cocktail , and it said, "You MUST be 17 or older to purchase this movie, (b-tch)," and a BIG red light on the top of the machine started flashing.
I stepped back, nonplussed. "Now what?" I asked it. "Did you say what I thought you said? Did you call me a bitch?"
"You MUST be 17 or older to purchase this movie, (b-tch)," it said. Sure enough, there was a little glitch in the recording and I swear it was calling me a bad name...
"Well, you little red-light blinking fool," I said, "I'm 57 years old. Look at me! I have gray hair! There is nothing about me to remotely suggest that Im under age 17! This movie has been on TV, for Pete's sake! I'm certainly old enough to buy it!" The checkout girl rushed up, and flashed her badge... "You have to be 17 to purchase this movie," she said.
I looked at her in wonderment. "I'm 57 years old. Do I look like I'm under 17??? And it just called me a name! What kind of machine have you got here?" She ignored me and left.
The red light went off, and it said, "Please scan your next item, (b-tch); please place your item in the bag, (b-tch); please scan" And I did, scanning and putting items in the bag, as it insistently told me to do so, finally finishing up my order.
I told it, "OK, it's scanned," and "It's IN the bag, dummy!" I fully expected to get into another argument with it over the 4 jars of peanut butter, but nope, we managed to get along well enough to finish up the order. It accepted my debit card, with no trouble, and, as I loaded the cart, I was aware that a small crowd had gathered.
That's right, there was a whole crowd watching my 'tiff' with the name-calling machine. I smiled sweetly at them all, and said, "Watch this machine, it's a red-light witch!"
There is really some kind of a demonic being inside those scanner machines, I know it...
Thanks for coming to see me!
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I'm still trying to figure out which screen at the bottom is the scanning screen... Neither one works, by the way!
haha - I HATE the self check outs!! For EXACTLY the reasons you state. Last time I attempted to use one it was freaking out about me not putting my 20 lb bag of cat food in a bag. WTF?!? I already hate shopping - unless it's for shoes, VS, or other fun stuff - but then to throw in these infuriating things that are too stupid to actually make the checkout process more efficient. I have decided that I will just wait in a line now.
If you just set the item down on the bag dispenser it will register with the machine as 'bagged' whether it's in a bag or not. If you buy something that is just too big for the bag that is the way to go. Be sure to have your receipt as the Door Dragon will ask to see it anytime you try to leave with an unbagged item.
LOL!
Usually, I have little or no trouble, but this one had a bee in its bonnet... Or a bug up its....
Who would have thought that about 10 items would have been such an ordeal???
I know exactly what you mean!!!
Next time, I'll try that! Tell me, what do you do when you have more items than bags? You can't fit all of it on the small little weight square, unless you stack it, and they don't want to!!!
It should have said "you must be out of your mind to purchase this movie." No offense, but that has to be one of the worst movies ever made.
Dowser, you've given every reason that I stay out of the those lines.
I'm to old to deal with it and I would just hit it with a tomahawk.
LOL.. Did you ever find out why the blasted machine was cursing at you?
I have to say in the grocery store, I am a wize at them. But not so much at the Home Depot. I run into the whole bag issue there. I mean what the heck do you do with a gallon of paint and a piece of molding that is 8 feet long?
I think you should take it as a compliment that neither the machine or the kid thought you were over 17. I'd go with that! But the movie... I would have left that behind. LOL!
Yeah, and I bet those guys get a lot of good laughs!
Thanks for the advice!!! You've explained it so very well!!!
It wasn't a great movie, but it had its moments... Besides, it was in the $4 bin!
Perhaps the next time I go, I'll take our camping hatchet and threaten it...
I guess I could decorate it with feathers and leather to make it look less, Early Camping and more Native American!
Hey, I think playing stupid would be very difficult for you!
LOL, that's right-- I don't want to be a checkout clerk! Right now, anyway...
I would rather play with a one-armed bandit, now that you mention it...
The demon must have REALLY enjoyed my sojourn into Hell!
LOL, BadFish!
I would have gladly waiting in line, BUT, the lines were looooong and everyone's carts were FULL! Next time, if at all possible, I'll do just that.
And, why would you think I'd pump my breaks? I used to teach auto mechanics...
LOL, dear Augur!
I think its tape was messed up-- I mean, what on earth????
Home Depot IS a challenge, for sure! I do love their carts/slabs on wheels though... Lots of times, in other stores, they would come in handy!
LOL! I haven't been carded about something for about 30 years!
LOL, yes you could do that Dowser...
Oh man do I hate these things! It doesn't want you to use your own bag and almost every time something won't scan right and I have to get help! I think these were made for hidden video so they can laugh at the people wanting to Office Space this thing in a park somewhere!
Lol, Dowser, I know those self-checkouts at Giant! Do them all the time. And the voice always tells me to "place the item in the bag" even after I place the item in the bag. Don't worry, you'll get used to it!
Flattery will get you everywhere Augur.
LOL, great story Dowser!
Saw one of those go crazy and start spitting out dollars once at the Wall-mart; the clerks freaked and you woulda thought somebody had a stroke or something the way they reacted.
You are welcome. I always enjoy your stories. This one has me ROFLMAO with tears running down my face. I avoid the self checks at all costs and now will continue too.
I mean, SURELY there is something I could do to make it look more like a tomahawk, and less like it came from Walmart 30 years ago...
LOL!!!
And, of course, I will gladly eat it up...
What goes around, comes around... I used to go to the ski lift thing, and sit in the lodge, where I could laugh at everyone falling off the lift. LOL!
As long as they don't film me in the dressing room, I guess I can't complain!
They are a NIGHTMARE! Disembodied voices, flashing red lights... the whole works!
And I missed it. Wouldn't you know?
Dear Jo-- it was a HOOT! I'm not that technically challenged, but this thing had me whipped!
LOL!!!
I used to cook, back in the day...
Dowser, I know they are a hoot, but I still avoid them. I enjoy waiting on long lines talking to the people around me.
Oh my, do I understand!!! Those tiny little bags-- They need to put a sign up: 10 items or less, and make sure they fit into a bag. All 10 of them.
Dear friend Mickey, thanks so much for coming to see me!
Nope, dear friend, the pleasure is mine!
thank you, for everything!
You are Oh So Right!
Remember in MIB, where they read the tabloids for news about aliens? LOL!
LOL!
Unbelievable...
Seems you had quite a time of it Dowser. I use to have more problems with those things. The older they are the more likely they are to be scratched or have dust in between the sensors and the glass as well. I'll go to one in a minute now. Once you get use to using them and they aren't old they work pretty well. It's just like anything else, practice makes near perfect.
I need to practice, then... but I'm going to avoid that particular machine, for sure! It has a demon in it...
I'm so glad we're friends, dear Sixpick! You are always such a comfort!
My dearest Dowser,
I always love reading another installment of what I have come to think of as "The Adventurous World of Dowser" where even what should be a mundane task becomes a saga to be shared and re-shared with loved ones.
I have used the self-checkout at Hell Mart exactly once. Things went pretty well until I came to the sweet potatoes. I punched in the code and was charged the regular price instead of the sale price. This is nothing unusual in my area. In fact, I have had the store manager called to the front on more than one occasion because of the frequency of overcharges in their store. I detest wasting time having to have prices "checked" when I could be at home wasting time playing "Plants vs. Zombies" on the computer.
All in all, here in Redneckreligiousville, where the 1880s are still being played out, people either don't use the self checkouts or they have taken them out completely because I haven't heard "Scan the item" or "place your item in the bag" in a long time. It could be because no one used them enough, or it could be because one of them had the audacity to call the wrong person a B*tch. LOL!
Oh gosh, people will believe anything...
LOL! You're back!!! Did your computer get fixed?
And, I, too, am a fan of Plants vs Zombies!!! What FUN! "brains....."
Love you, so much!
Or maybe it's because people figured out that every one of those machines causes two cashiers to be fired. Welcome to NT Mo; I think you'll like this place.
I'm so glad to see Mo here!!! I love her so!!!
Thanks for the welcome, TTGA. I think I'll like this place, too.
I don't think it is because the people in my area give a hoot or holler about jobs or job creation. It is a matter of what is most convenient for them and also, they prefer griping at people instead of machines.
I usually try to find a cashier who seems to have a pleasant look on their face and I will actually wait in a longer line to try to avoid interacting with the person who looks like the world has gotten on their last nerve and they are just waiting for some person to make their day. I don't want to be that person for a lot of reasons.
((((((((((Dowser))))))))) Love you, too!
Yep, my computer is actually better than new at this point. It downloaded years of updates without a hitch --- probably because Microsoft fixed the glitches that some of them had when they were initially released....and Toshiba may have had some issues that have been resolved.
I have been planning my garden which is going in later this year since we have had a cooler, wetter April than the previous two years. I have found some more winter squash varieties that I want to try. I freeze winter squash and use it in pumpkin recipes. Heck, I also use baked sweet potatoes in pumpkin recipes.
I'm glad I'm not the only one that talks to inanimate objects! But how DARE that machine call you a name like that! I'd have to slap it one time at least.
I've never used one of the things and after reading this, I think I will just prop myself on my cart and wait in line.
Me, too! From now on!!!
LOVE YOU!!!
SO funny! Loved this story thanks for sharing. I always knew what these check out machines were thinking about us and you just proved it!
Thanks so much!
I know they are evil.
You just explained, better than anyone I've ever seen, why I will never, ever, use one of those damnable things! I would walk out and leave a full shopping cart before I'd use a self-check machine.
We've recently begun doing the bulk of our food shopping at a new store (locally) called "Mom's Organic Market." As the name suggests, it is all organic, and the prices are actually very reasonable. One of the perks is a staff who go out of their way to help, from the moment we enter the store until the moment we leave. And there is no self-check machine. There is a very friendly clerk and a very friendly bagger and they all seem genuinely happy. So, even though it means we now shop in two places (the organic place doesn't have quite everything we need), we enjoy our shopping ever so much more!
And you have hardened my resolve never to use a self-check line!
LOL! No more for me, either!
If there was an organic restaurant anywhere near where we live, I'd be there in a heartbeat-- but it is at least a 45 minute drive. UGH!
MUCH love to you, dearest bitey!
It isn't a restaurant... it's a market, and they sell ONLY organic, non-GMO products. They have pretty much every kind of food item most people want, but very little beef. They have a LOT of vegetarian stuff, and I buy some of it, although I'm a carnivore through and through. But if you tell them what you are interested in, they will try to obtain it for you. It is sort of out of the way, but not 45 minutes. It is in the next town over, so we go there, first, and get as much that is on our list as we can find there, and then we scoot on over to our usual supermarket (Shoppers Food Warehouse), which is also in that same neighboring town, at the opposite end of it. So, all in all it adds maybe 45 minutes to our food-shopping trip, not a terrible sacrifice, all things considered.
One interesting little factoid... it has two plug-in chargers for electric cars in front of the store. Last week when we went there we saw a car plugged in... the place is so "green" it ain't funny. We've made up our minds to shop there as much as we can. They deserve our patronage, and I'm convinced we'll be the healthier for it.
Anyway, for anyone interested in knowing more about it, here is a link: "Mom's Organic Market." I'm not sure the link feature works... but it is easy to Google it.
Anyway, your experience with the self-checkout was both hilarious and sad... and a horrible reflection of what Big Business really thinks of its customers.
{{{{{Dowsey}}}}}
http://www.momsorganicmarket.com/retailer/store_templates/shell_id_...
Mom's Organic Market
Thanks for the links! I'll check that out!
When I have time, I drive the 30 minutes over to the Chinese market and get weird vegetables. I have no idea what they are, but I cut them up and put garlic and butter on them...
I love you, dear bitey! I'm a carnivore too!
As long as we're not cannibals, we'll be fine!
Weird veggies are probably quite good for you. I don't think the Chinese ones have gotten around to being GMO or loaded with chemicals. Yet.
But I do think it is important not only to read labels, but to learn about ingredients that may be legal but which are also not "natural" (meaning they are not really foodstuffs, but chemicals created to mimic real foodstuffs). And then there are the pesticides, which can be difficult, if not impossible, to wash off of produce. That is why we've chosen organic. They are grown and processed without chemicals and/or pesticides.
Anyway, I've hijacked enough of your article... but I know I'll never see a self-checkout line again without thinking of you, dear soul!
{{{{{Dowsey}}}}}
I have no idea where they come from-- nor can I ask! (They don't speak English very well...) But, yes, we all certainly need to know more about what is in our food!
Much love to you, dearest bitey! I sure wish we could see each other again, soon!!!
Big dittoes, Dowsey! I'll sure be thinking of you when the Kentucky Derby is running... we had SO much fun at Churchill Downs when you had that Vinemeet!!!
You can press a button that says "I'm using my own bag" to waive the need to put the item in the bag.
You can? Wow, if I ever find that button, I'm going to use it, for sure!!! Thanks for the tip!
I tried that. Once. Never again.
Great story...it was "deja vu all over again" reading it...minus the b-tch.
Mine didn't call me names, but I sure called it a few. Quietly. There were children present in the line next to us, merrily scanning and bagging things for their parents without a problem in the world. They also laughed at us...made me remember why I never wanted children.
LOL!!! Yeah, they can be evil too...
As I'm on my new Windows 8 computer, I know why NV chose the design they did.
You have Windows 8? You have my sympathy. I wouldn't have one if they gave them away free. As for NV, those assholes never stopped to think that most people have old computers... and that Windows 8 isn't gonna be the be-all and end-all... Microscam always brings out new models in a year or two... sooner if, like with Vista, a particular design flops. So NV is very, very short-sighted if they really did design their new screw-up for a particular platform.
Pfffft. Oh, well... Happy 2th of May... sunny here today, but not yet warm enough. And today is our food-shopping day...
{{{{{Dowsey}}}}}
That is concerning since it seems the machines are the same however the button should be clearly visible. If it is not present then that is a great oversight and it would make the process more difficult.
It's probably on there, and I just haven't found it, yet... When there are so many things to see, it's sometimes hard for me to pinpoint the one little thing that I need. Sort of like the effect of the refrigerator light on the male eyeball. They want butter, but can't seem to find the little box in the door that says "BUTTER".
Lovely day here! Of course, it is going to rain on Derby Day-- typical!!!
Well, I could special order a computer from HP, that was equal to what I already had, and came with Windows 7 for $587, or I could go and buy an upgrade that was only $498. So, I went ahead and got the Windows 8 upgrade. But I have 6 GB RAM and 750 GB memory, so it should continue to "grow" along with my needs.
It really isn't that bad-- you can hit the windows button and d and get right to the more normal desktop. It's about like my phone-- icons everywhere...
So far, I'm managing.
I think she's closely related to Attila, the Nun.
Meaning NO disrespect!
Perrie,
Slam the can of paint down on the sensor, then prop the piece of molding in the obviously-too-small-for-most-of-the-material-in-the-store bag holder, then stand back let it fall and strike you. Then, add lib a screaming hissy fit about how you are going to sue the store and help will appear as if by magic........
I second what Broliver said! Sounds like a foolproof plan to me!
THAT is the plan...
Oh what fun! I'm so glad
your computer is fixed! Mine is now in a glitch, and I've bought a new one-- and can't get my email on it, yet... SIGH!
Maybe next year, we'll have an NT meet!
Wouldn't that be fun??
It sure would! I hope I'll be able to attend if you do have one!
Lovely day here, too... about 70 degrees, sunny, rich green everywhere... we did the food shopping (three stores: Trader Joe's, Mom's, and Shoppers). Funny, but shopping in the three separate stores adds only about 30 - 40 minutes to the overall chore. That ain't too shabby! Trader Joe's and Mom's are the nicest of the three... the staff is really upbeat, polite, and helpful. Shoppers isn't too bad for a huge chain and is the best of the mainstream stores around here, but we're pretty much sold on organic food, so.... about the only thing I buy at Shoppers any more is ice cream.
We went to lunch at the only restaurant we will eat at, a place called Jimmy's. It isn't a chain, and it is never boring. And the staff are all outstanding. I had a 16-oz. T-Bone steak... couldn't eat the whole thing (I'm accustomed to eating about 6 ounces, max, at a sitting). So, we brought home the leftovers (a baked potato, broccoli, and the rest of the steak). The hamsters had the potato and broccoli for their dinner, and I'll have the steak for lunch tomorrow.
So, we had a wonderful, busy day. I hope everyone here has had as wonderful a day (unless you live in Colorado, in which case you have my sympathy for the horrible weather you're having)!
Please give RV my love!!!
Amen! If I want to hide chocolate (or most anything else) in the frig, I just put it in plain sight.
However, yesterday when I put my bread out to rise and my husband stuck his hand in the bowl because he did not see it....well, we had to have another discussion about how it is important to pay attention to our surroundings!
This was a follow up to our discussion about not digging up ANY plants in the garden without checking with me first after he had dug up a huge dormant petunia plant from last year and scattered it all over this year's vegetable garden plot.
In order to make him feel "included" in planning this year's garden, I spent an hour yesterday explaining companion planting to him and printed 8 pages of info for him to read should he desire to "help" plan the garden. The garden is under a couple of inches of snow today --- which is good for the soil, but means I won't be planting anything for another 2 weeks.
A setback, for sure!!!
Snow? OH MY!! How disheartening! It's coming our way, but cool, not snow. Tomorrow is supposed to be very cool with rain.
I love to piddle in the dirt, and grow stuff-- but this year, it's been too much, with everything else going on.
Quite a few times, in my life, "help" hasn't been.
MUCH love to you!
((((((Dowser)))))
Gardening is some of the hardest work there is -- especially when it is ALL done by hand.
I only started gardening in order to know how my vegetables were raised.
When it comes to livestock, I know how everything that I buy in the store was raised and processed....which is why I am raising a few chickens and cutting way back on beef consumption.
It sounds like you have been overwhelmed this spring, also. There are days that I don't know if I am coming or going....and I have more to do than I can say grace over and not enough energy to get it done.
Love to you and yours!
LOL, what a darling expression! That is just how I've felt, of late...
Gardening IS hard-- a lot of hard work, and one little thing can really screw the whole thing up.
I just wish we had sun in our backyard, for growing vegetables. I'd love to have a garden like Daddy had. But, no sun=low yield, if any yield. The only place in our entire yard that gets decent sunlight, (too many trees), is out by the mailbox.
(((((((((((((MoCowgirl)))))))))))))))))) Don't work too hard!
Hi Dowser. I just saw this story and thought it was really funny. I've only seen one store, it was a Home Depot in Toronto, that had a self-checkout counter. I avoided it, would rather wait in a long line than even try it. Thank heavens I've not seen them here.