Check All The Pockets
First off I want to make it clear that every word is true, that's very important to remember.
This happened about 29 years ago when my son was 18 months old, it was right after his mother and I split up.I was out of pampers, I borrowed one from the woman next door. Her child was a toddler, he wore a much bigger size than my kid but it was just for a bit while I went to the store for more diapers.
Ok, I'm at the store, standing in line to check out. I've got my son tucked under one arm and a bag of pampers under the other. It's was at this point that my son had 'the bowel movement from hell'. I don't just mean it's was voluminous, which it was. I thought the boy was going to deflate there was so much of it. But that wasn't the problem...oh no!
The problem was that it was the runny, fluid kind of baby poop that flows like water, and flow it did. Right out of the leg of that oversized diaper, over my knuckles and right into my front pants pocket! And it just kept right on flowing...and flowing...and flowing. You'll never guess where my money was.
That's right, same pocket. Did I mention I was wearing a pair of wheat colored corduroy pants? No? Guess what, it's a perfect foil to brown/yellow/green runny baby poop.
The men in line in front of me were disgusted/amused. The woman in line behind me was in hysterics, she was laughing so hard she was lying across the check out counter.
On the good side, I did get to go to the front of the line, on the bad side, someone was going to have to reach in that pocket and get that 20$ bill out. The girl rang up my order and I told her the problem, we just looked at each other for a moment, because let's face it, no matter who got the bill out, it was her register that was going to be polluted.
At this point the hysterical women said that I should just go, that she would pay for my diapers and that it was worth it because it was the best laugh she'd had in years. But the story doesn't end there, someone has to get that 20 out, I'm not throwing away 20 bucks!!
So I go home, I take off the pants and rescue the 20 and wash it, myself and my son off. I put the pants in a bag and throw them in the dumpster. Then, later that day I have to go back to the dumpster and get them out. That's right, I left the car keys in the other pocket!!
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I thought I'd brush the dust the dust off this old, but still embarrassing story.
Really? None of you ever had this happen?
OMG, Wheel -- I can't decide if I should laugh or gag at this story.
My daughter was famous for her explosive poopies but I have to say - not once did she poop into my pocket. With my delicate gag reflex, I was very happy to turn most of the diaper duties over to my iron-stomached husband.
I would have laughed pretty hard too if I saw this happen to you (not so much if it happened to ME), but I have the sense of humor of a 12 year old boy.
LOL, that was pretty good!
:~)
Timing is everything...your son coulda dumped a few minutes earlier or later and the adventure woulda never been realized!
Oh my, Wheel, what a tale of baby poop! I have to say it's hysterical but I can't imagine you enjoying the experience! At least you figured out that you need the right-sized diapers!
I had people coming from other counters in the supermarket to look. They were drawn to me like flies to...well, you know.
I'm the oldest of 5 and I was 12 when my baby sister was born, I was already a trained baby sitter and diaper changer when my son came along.
I like to think it would have restrained the worst of the flow at least.
That story is just too funny, wheel! Pouring poop planting perfectly in pocket. BTW I loved how you washed the money before you or your son...LOL!
Bless your heart!
That was hilarious-- but I'm sure it wasn't funny at the time!
Peep once threw up in his backseat baby carrier for 7 miles in rush hour traffic. There was no place to pull over, no place to stop, and he was behind me, so I couldn't reach him. We had to throw the carrier away-- no way could it be cleaned! Ugh. He was about 4 at the time...
Anyone that has kids can relate to "poop" incidents!
I was visiting a friend of mine. Her son, Connor, was about 2 yo and was the sweetest kid ever. His mom used cloth diapers and didn't believe in rubber pants (what ever those things are called), she thought they were unsanitary. So, there I am in my orange dress shirt and I set him on my shoulders. He's not going to pee on me, is he, I asked. Nope, she says, I just changed him so he should be OK.
Something warm hit the back of my neck and went down my back. The little monster peed on me! There was nothing I could do, it went all the way down my back and turned the orange dress shirt a nice dark orange.
My friend gave me one of her T shirts to wear and washed my shirt for me.
Every once in a while, I see Connor at a restaurant or at the grocery store (he's about 25 or so now). He always runs over to shake my hand and asks if he can pee down my back. No, I tell him, you only get to do it once.
LOL Wheel, never had that happen to me. The visual is making me sick...
Once I was holding my son above my head, he loved that, naked as a J Bird and all of a sudden I felt this liquid hitting the top of my head...Yup, he was giggling and peeing on my head. I had very long hair and the shower was the very next stop for he and I...
That's a really shitty story.
When our son was a newborn his Dad was changing him on the table (we lived in a tiny one bedroom apartment, there weren't too many places to take care of these things!) and sitting there next to him was his Gram. We were new parents but learned the hard way...cover that damn thing whenever it's exposed! But noooo...when baby boy started to go Daddy grabs his legs and turns him right towards Gram!!
Then there was the time, a few months later, he peed in his own eye! The look on his little face was priceless!
Well, hopefully when you get old and senile, you can return the favor to your son.
I hate it when I pee in my eye.
My practice baby was a girl, my little sister. I was NOT prepared for the difference in range between boys and girls. I was changing my son on the table, we lived in a little trailer at the time and had few places to do diaper changes.He let go as soon as I removed the old diaper, he peed straight up the front of my shirt and hit the clock on the wall behind me!
My mom told me the trick with boys is to lay one corner of the old diaper across the danger area till you're ready to slide in the new diaper. I have heard they make some kind of product to put on there during diaper changes. PeePee TeePee or something like that.
Drink more cranberry juice.
True, if he had just waited till his mother had him...
I have had to clean up messes in pants and onesees but most of the time they happened at home. Never dealt with the really runny issue.
Hi Lastone, I think I've never seen you on one of my columns before. Welcome.
Give it time, I'm sure you'll get the 'poop river' sooner or later.
Hi buzz.