Swearing, Sex or Drugs... Which is better at getting rid of Angst???
An oldie but a goodie....
I had a lousy couple of days and I've been trying to keep it all together. I sit down in my cozy den and pick up "Self Magazine" as a way to relax. I come upon an article about stress that recommends having more sex is a good way of getting rid of anxiety. Well, it's cheap and I'm married so that's the good news. So I start to read the "How to" directions in the article. Step one is that you start with the light stuff, hugging kissing, holding hands. So I tell my husband that this is the plan. The look on his face is, "Great, more work, less reward", but he says, "OK." Later that evening we are sitting on the couch, and he starts to pet me like our cat, Oliver. Not quite doing it for me, but he's trying. As per the directions in the article, I inform him, that in order to move on, we have to keep a diary and check our blood pressure before and after sex. Now he just shoots me his, "Get Real" look. But then he smiles that certain smile that I know means all bets are called off, because I have mentioned the sex word. Suddenly I realize that I have a really tired from the day, but now I'm officially screwed, whether I like it or not. And as I give into the inevitable, it suddenly dawns on me, that I have been had, because who ever wrote that article must have been a twenty something with no kids, or used to work for "Cosmo". And now I am pissed at myself for going along with this idea, and the stress grows as I assess my own stupidity. This was not an effective treatment for me, at least not that night.
So a few days go by and it's a Sunday morning, and I do what I do every Sunday morning, I sit down on the couch and read on the computer "The London Sunday Times Online." It's my way I try to unwind from the stress of the week, while catching up with what is going on at my home away from home.... and there it is. Anothe r mental health article , but this time, it about the benefits of swearing. This new spiritual guru, John Parkin swears that just by screaming out "F**k You!", every time you feel stressed out, you will be relieved of the stress. He says that by doing this, you relive yourself of obsessing, looking for the meaning of life, no need to rehash the issue and you don't even have to improve yourself. "It's it's a bit Buddhist, a bit rebellious and a bit cognitive behavioral therapy." Seems simple enough and since I am still feeling a bit stressed, I go into my back yard, where I think no one can hear me and say the phrase first in a normal voice. Nothing. Then a bit louder.... still not feeling better. Then I yell it pretty loudly. I actually feel a bit better! But that's only for a fleeting moment because I notice that one of my 14 year olds has stuck her head out of the back door. "Hey mom, nice language", she says with a smirk on her face. Now, I know that grin means has multiple meanings. The first is "I gotchya", which gives her more pleasure than a mother can take. The other meaning is even worse. In her teenage brain, I have just given her (in her opinion) the permission to use this phrase whenever she wants to in our house. Now even though this article endorses the use of such language with children as young as ten, this doesn't fly in our house. Suddenly, my stress level has gone from a 3 to a 10 in a nanosecond, just contemplating how I am going to have to handle this situation.
Now being a child of the 70's, you might have thought that there was some drug usage in my past, but that wasn't my thing. I am a bit of a control freak, so drugs weren't for me. Ahh ...but then I remember that there are always pharmaceuticals. Pharmaceuticals have come a long way since "The Stones" sang "Mother's Little Helpers". There are literally over one hundred mood altering medications that a person can take to relieve the stress and possible depression that comes from everyday life. As a matter of fact, if one drug isn't quite doing the job, they have invented new ones to go with your old ones to make a whole new cocktail. Just listen to the dozens of commercials that tell you what you need ...if you don't mind the possible side effects of seizure, unwanted tremors, Parkinsonian disorders, and possible thoughts of suicide. But since I already have a seizure disorder and take mega doses of Klonopin and Neurontin to keep me from having involuntary body movements, I decide that I have had my quota of prescriptions cocktails. And so, as another day comes to the end, I am still stressed from dealing with the kids and work. I wait till the kids go to sleep and decide to try something different and pour myself an apple martini. Finally, the day seems a bit better. But as I sit and sip, I ponder, does this form of stress relief work for everyone? So what does it for you, sex, swearing, drugs or drinking? My martini and I know which I prefer.
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This is fiction, right?
I get stressed and tell Arlene, "dammit lets get drunk and fuck".
Today I had an afternoon with a lot of stress . I needed to repair the cantilever brakes on my bike before I took it for a shopping trip . Fumbling , trying to get the ragged end of a cable through a tiny hole ... what a "joy" . I can't tell ya how many times I had to stop for a breather before I finally got it done . And my back was very much the worse for wear from all the stooping . The only thing that got me through it was the fact that I needed to go buy some food ... great motivator !! As for relieving the stress , lying down and putting a heating pad on my back ... AH !
Sowhat does it for you, sex, swearing, drugs or drinking? My martini and I know which I prefer.
All the above
Later that evening we are sitting on the couch, and he starts to pet me like our cat, Oliver. Not quite doing it for me, but he's trying
Ohh. Oliver.
I'm married so the sex sucks.
I love a good beer. 
Although I do swear like a sailor too. 
I can't drink much any more, because of the meds I take-- and when I do it isn't fun, because I just get stupid. Swearing is always helpful, but mainly when you've done something like stub your toe in the middle of the night-- it seems to relieve the pain of the toe, if only briefly.
Personally, I like a nice, long, hot bubblebath with some sort of bath oils... Usually at least one light is burned out in the bathroom, or come unscrewed somehow, so there is a soft light in there. I love to sort of lean back in the tub, but our tub is oversized to fit Magnum, so when I try that, I have to prop myself up, to keep my head above the water, and that's not too much fun.
Other than that, I come here. HAHAHAHA!
Something else to try-- I put a sad movie on the DVD player and have a good cry.
Field of Dreams usually works for me. Or ET . Or read Melanie's death in Gone With the Wind , or Beth's death in Little Women . Works every time.
Usually after a good cry, I feel better.
Actually, no. I wrote this article 4 years ago for some other venue.
Good for you Larry. That should take care of the problem. I hope Arlene feels the same way, LOL!
trying to get the ragged end of a cable through a tiny hole ... what a"joy"
Oh yeah, that sounds like fun... NOT!
Well I think we can all concur that is a stress reliever... when there is no one else around to bug ya!
Agreed!
Sadly, my poor Oliver is no more. So Wally does all the purring around here now.
Well beer and swearing go along and will work on stress most of the time, if enough beer is drank.
I live in a very old house so I don't have a nice big bath tub. It barely holds me, never mind 6 feet of Matt, LOL!
Glad to provide some stress relief, LOL!
One of my all time favorite movies! ... But crying doesn't work for me. Now a good comedy can do the trick!
LMAO... you know where all our minds went...
So you're going with the sex... it works!
Nothing! And 2 of the 3 are even free! What could be better?
Laughs are great, too!
Seems like you lost the "teaching moment" to your angst, at least you appreciated the thought
No, I got it Brolly. I no longer have angst about Oliver... but I can still miss him.
I was touched to see that you remembered my Oliver, though. He was such a good boy.
He just never listens to me. What should I do about that man???
You're so naughty, Gene!
So your killing sex machine Gene? Kind of like James Bond!
Not shocked... but have you given up on sex?
Sounds like a plan. Which do we start with?
Aren't the ladies the ones who should be laughing? LOL!
It used to be sex, drugs and rock and roll.
Now it's the old lady, beer and the television.
Isn't that pitiful?
I can't tell if you are bragging or complaining.
Heh heh. I know what you mean. I am a widower and it just isn't important after the right one walked on.
sex, swearing, drugs, and drinking. Sounds good. Where do I sign up?
Done backwards, you end up passing out before you get to the swearing. No bueno.
Step right up! Just put your mark here------>____________________
MEH?
Darling you and I are about the same age... not meh.
I totally agree ambie!
And there you have it!
Perrie
Since i moved to the country, it is working out on the wood pile.
There is always a stack of branches and logs to be cut and split and it is amazing how you forget what was irritating you after swinging that ax for a while.
"baccy, booze, drugs in that order.
It's definitely sex. Grudge sex to be exact!
That sounds good, Robert! Works out the kinks that way, too!
Grudge sex? Wow! See, that's why I didn't even put sex down, to damn many complications/issues/etc.
A wonderful pipe full of Frog Morton in the Cellar never, ever gives you any issues whatsoever!
Note, I know what the words "grudge sex" intimate, but do not know the meaning you ascribe to them. Explain?
Gave up the baccy, still love the booze, drugs every night.
Do you have an RX for that Terry? I want it!
Grudge sex... you must be single! When you are married and pissed, the last thing you want is sex from the hubby, LOL!
@Perrie:
You really could have stopped at "married." Let me fix it for you.
Wmolaw-
Really pissed off I'm going to knock a hole in it sex! LOL
Exactly Perrie, I'm single! Married sex is hallway sex when your pissed.
Hmmm, I'm going with Hallway over Grudge!
Vote, I call for a vote!
Well actually... trying to stay lady like, Matt and I errr.. take pleasure...errr. often.
But nice use of the strike out. I never seem to use it!
I'm going with the hallway and being pissed!
Hi Perrie,
I was Pat-#@!&!#@ at Newsvine so swearing is high on my list
Thank you for accepting me back into the fold. I was here briefly about 2 years ago but left because I was spending time on Newsvine and Facebook. As John Russell says the new format is a hot mess. I like the format here much better and it's great to see so many familiar faces.
Thank you!
Thank you, Lucy. Were you a viner ?