Men Of A Certain Age
So here I sit, a woman in her early fifties actively evaluating my own life, now that I can no longer deny that I am middle aged, when along comes a show, "Men of a Certain Age", which is all about men evaluating and having personal meltdowns as they go through their midlife crisis. Wait a minute....isn't that a woman's domain? I mean, out bodies supply us with enough hormone fluctuations that we should be allowed a period of legal mental insanity, where anything short of homicide should be allowed. And what about empty nest syndrome? What the heck am I suppose to do with all these twigs and feathers that I built my nest with. Burn them with a large group of other middle aged woman in some sort of "Burning Nest" festival, that we hold in the fall as the last of our flock leaves for college? What about those careers we gave up to raise that family that is now gone. Those diplomas look good on the wall, but do you realize how hard it is to start all over again? Midlife crisis is a real thing for us woman. What are the men moaning about? There is no men-o-pause for them, right?
But as I look at my living example of midlife crisis, that would be my husband.....there is something going on in that head of his, although he denies it to the end....well almost. I noticed the moodiness started when he turned fifty, but he denied it. I asked if it was his job, and he grunted..."Not what I expected at this point in my life." Well, what did he expect? "He gave me single word answers like "More" or "Better", which I found odd. This is a guy who can talk as much as any woman I know. He spends increasing amounts of time up in his cave...ummm I mean office and doing paper work (that is code for downloading music, and then putting said music into different categories, album covers a included, and loading them onto the Ipod he bought for my birthday). Well, I thought, it could be worse. At least it's not porn. But it did leave me at a loss for an explanation for the change in his behavior. And then came this TV show "Men of a Certain Age", and suddenly, my husband, wouldn't miss an episode. What was it about this male threesome of college friends that kept my hubby so interested? Theres Owen, whos over weight, happily married, but hates his job. Joe, who gambles, has his own party supply shop, but is in the middle of a separation, and Terry, an unsuccessful actor and bachelor. They are just about any guy you could meet at that age. So what is it about this show that my husband likes? Who does he identify with? Does he identify with one, or is it the experiences that they are going through? And is this mid life crisis for men really real? I mean, there are no physical changes that they are going through. There is no change to their position in life that woman experience. So what is a midlife crisis to a guy? Inquiring woman would like to know.
Hormones!?
Men of a certain age (adolescence) begin to have physical reactions that are uncontrollable as well as females. One day all of a sudden, a certain organ starts to have a life all it's own. Literally. Said member begins to do what it wants, when it wants, merely byreceivingvisual stimuli. Young men start theirOdysseyinto adulthood, lead by two heads. Regardless of how individual men deal with the balance, there is a reaction as their hormonal surge lowers by the mid-twenties, the sex-drive drops from running at about 500% to a mere 100%. This has a very, very gradual drop that is hardly perceptible until they reach middle age. If there is asignificantdrop (and it happens a lot) then there is a drastic enough reaction physiologically, and it often has quite a psychological affect as well. Existentially, we face a different internal reality, than the one we have faced for the previous 30 or so years. A strong drive that has shaped a man's veryexistence, begins to dwindle.
Oh, and please, don't expect us to talk about it too much. It's hateful, personal, and existentially difficult.
My wife has said that in reality, while woman have their monthly hormonal variance that can lead to emotional challenges; men face these same monthly surges but that instead render them capable of coherent thought for a couple of days...while in reality for the rest of the month, men are emotionally distracted by their sex drive, some more than others, but generally true.
Watch the episode here (plus you get to see Cartman playin' "lambs" lol)
Randy,
Part of that was writtentonguein cheek. Yes, men do usually have a gradual loss of hormones, but nothing like what woman go through. Did you ever have a hot flash? Well, maybe you, since you do fall into that small group that looses testosteronequickly.
It's the emotional aspect that I am interested in. Why a mid life crisis? What has changed? For most men, not much.
Larry,
That was one heck of a response. So, if I am reading between the lines, it's is the physical changes to one of your two heads, that causes the other head to loose it.
LOL, which is exactly what I am trying to make you guys do. You see we woman get the sameadolescentsurge that causes our bodies to bloom these things in front. A lot of our womanhood are tied up in those things. Watching them sag, biopsied, chopped, is emotionally challenging, and yet we can talk about it. With the advent of meds for you guys, you would think that would take car of the problem.
Ha! I know, that WAS meanttongue-in-cheek!
:~)
A man's sex drive isintegralto who he is, just as in a women. However, as a Woman's sex drive seems to be exhibited by physical reactions toreceiveand nourish, a man's sex drive is exhibited by a physical reaction to give, and give again...and again...and again...
As far as meds go, there are some that have developed that sometimes help. Not always though and it is still not great always either.
But this process of not being able to give as frequently as a man would like, is gradual. It doesn't just hit at say 40. Yet, somewhere between age 40 and 50, you guys really get bummed out.
It isn't something more tied to mortality?
WellultimatelyPerrie, isn't mortality the reason why we have a sex drive in the first place? And it's not the lack of giving, it's that lack of drive to give, that changes...and that changes men.
That has been one of the most enlightening statements I have read on this subject.
OK, so then there is this. You guys still oogle at the woman. Seems to me that the drive is still there.
Since men are more stimulated visually, I've heard that their capacity to store these images in memory, far exceeds the images kept by women. Plus even though the ability to be stimulated visually declines with age, and especially at mid-life, it is still there and active. Ever notice how many times a man makes an aesthetic judgement about something and the "gold-standard" in defining that beauty, is the female form?
Blowin' the hell outta something helps.
Mine isRacquetball.
:~)
Matt listens to head banger music.
Believe me... he watches the porn.... a rifle... LOL, you obviously don't know Matt. He end up shooting himself,
A collection of vids that I found, LOL! But he does share well with others.
Ha! That might help too!
:~)
So are you a head-banger too Perrie?
Being a charter member of the Glass Half Full Club, there are many wonderful things that we can do now, at this time in our lives, that we could not do before.
I've got one kid left at home. When he's gone for a weekend, it's a new/old dynamic in the house. We're alone again, as we were before the kids were born. That sure works for me, in many ways. That reminds me. What I used to do all night now takes me all night to do. Same amount of work, with less mess. What could be better?
Drinking's a lot cheaper. Instead of having 8 drinks, I have 4 drinks and 4 club sodas. And I feel a lot better the next morning, to boot. It seems that the hydration eliminates the hangover, That, and a Tylenol before and after going out.
I realize that not everyone's in the same situation, especially these days, but I seem to have money left in the checking account at the end of the month. That's probably because the kids are taking care of themselves (2 out of 3, anyway). I can go on vacations that I never could before.
Yeah, I can't run as fast as I used to.I used to do sevens on my 10k's, now I do tens. But I still finish. The knees are still good. I've gotta watch what I eat, but I should've been doing that all along. I had to wait until the pants got too tight to figure that out.
If you're above ground, life is good. Stop your whining.
Gotta agree with that!
Randy,
That disturbs me greatly that you said that.
Well, Perrie, I have never heard of this show, and I won't be able to watch it if it's on pay TV. However, it's interesting to hear about the acknowledgment of the male "andropause". Apparently, there IS a hormonal downshift for men as well as women. Could it be this andropauseis the male equivelent of menopause? I definately like the sound of andropause vs menopause, though, and I'd like to borrow it.
Stop eating Big Mac's. Cured.
My wife tells me that a sign of aging for men is that their ears get bigger, so I keep checking in the mirror to see if my ears are getting bigger.
"Please don't let my ears get bigger," haha.
In my family it isn't that the ears get bigger, they get more hair on them, and the eyebrows get thicker and longer t the point we have to shave them or trim them, the ears end up becomeing a part of the morning shaving ritual, and the barber charges us extra to help keep the hair down. think the Wolfman in the middle of a change.
I know a lot of guys where that is true. Strange thing is that often you lose the hair on your head only for it to appear where you least like it to. Mother nature's little joke on guys.
Excellent article, Perrie!
Several of my friend's husbands have 'gone over the edge'-- left their wives for a younger woman, bought the fancy car, or done something wild and crazy that they've never done before. I think it's a combination of factors: the gradual loss of hormones, the sudden disappointment that this is all life offers and that there isn't 'more', and the realization that our days don't stretch endlessly into the future, getting better and better.
I think when the kids leave home, a man suddenly realizes that their offspring may love him, but they are ready to be adult-like, it costs so much money to send a kid through college, and their focus shifts. After years and years of working to provide for their families, to save for retirement, to send kids to band camp and now college, what's in it for them? What will give them back the hope of something new and exciting? What will put a spring in their step, a gleam in their eye?
Wifey suddenly begins to look old, she's heard all the best stories and the worst ones, knows you inside out, and yet, something inexplicable takes hold and she's a sudden stranger, completely out of touch with your innermost feelings.
After you've been married 20+ years to the same person, just about anyone looks better, more interesting, more exciting, and may even offer the hope of a whole new family, with the added bonus of proving, without a doubt, the man's virility...
I am hoping that my husband and I have timed it right and we can avoidSOME ofthose feelings of boredom, etc. My husband goes through restless periods, periods of daredevilness, boredom, and general moodiness. Then, he goes out and buys a new 'toy', and that seems to help... Our son is 14, I'm 57, and he's 53. I hope that when our son goes off to college,my dear husbandwill be old enough to want to stay in a stable relationship and grow old together...
But, we never know until we get there, how things will be.
W. O. L. D. I used to think this was so sad, and that the man got what he deserved. I sort of feel that way, still-- BUT, I also realize that maybe, he couldn't help it...
Hi Dowser,
First, great song! I haven't heard it in years... and when it first came out, I think I was around 14. What does a 14 year old know of such matters? It also made me remember that I missed Harry. He was such a big part of Long Island life... very much like Billy Joel is.Ironically, it actually fits what happened to my husband. He spent the first part of his adult life in the music industry, first as roadie and then working for Polygram and RCA records. He hung out with the best in the music business and we went to all the best parties, including the Rock in Roll Hall of Fame and the Grammy's That all ended suddenly when he was 41, downloading killed the music business and it was over for him. It was the worst moment of his life. I think men often define themselves by their work. It is a measure of their self worth. Take that away..
I totally agree, but why is this different for men, then it is for woman? Many woman are at the exact same point in their lives but they don't react in the same way.
I think that is true for some guys...not so much for others. I know a lot of guys that just the thought of stating a new family is a nightmare. I think that just like the guy in the song, they are lost and looking for some way to bring back those lost glory days. They also want the status quo at the same time. I think that this is what brings them so down. They are at an impasse.
Me too. Seems both you and I are in about the same boat. I am 52 and Matt is 55. Our twin 18 year olds just went off to college. In a way, we have come to a cross roads.. we are trying to figure out where we want to go. But I see it as much me as I do him. Maybe it's because we actually feeling pretty much the same way. I'm really not sure.
I think youdescribedthe syndrome perfectly, Neetu.
not sure but i think men just have mid life crises and woman just turn into cugars,,,,,
cus a woman singer said it best,..i am woman hear me roar,...lol
I think we all get tired. I'm hoping that when Peep leaves for college, my step-daughter will begin to have children, and we'll be grandparents, which could really be fun! That would put a huge gleam in his eye!
Maybe, just by total mistake, we timed things so that they'll work...
I hope, for us both!
You're right. For a lot of guys, starting a new family is a nightmare-- but for others, it's proof that they still have "it". They may be upset at first, (thinking: I'll be 75 when they graduate from college), but then, it IS proof that they can attract and start a family all over again...
Having younger children does keep one young, or, for me at least, tired.
Here is crossing our fingers for good luck, and lots of new adventures ahead! And no shocks.
Wow. Lucky girl. Grandchildren at a good age! Grand children seems to make men very happy, from the fiends that I know who have them. Kids just love their grandpa's and the feeling seems to be mutual.
You can say that again, Marsha.
You are such a goof LR!
Your dad sounds like a mighty smart man. All of that true!
Gene,
You are truly one of a kind! And we wouldn't have it any other way! May you live to be 120 (but I hear that scalping white men is kind of frowned upon these days)
I remember my fathers great attempt at staying young, it involved a fast boat, and a sports car, he told me, "I was too poor to own these things when I was young, now, that I'm old and close to retiring I can afford them, I wanted to see what it was like." LOL, I thought that was funny then, now, I'm almost as old as he was then and I'm starting to think that way myself. Party on man.
I totally agree that it is a mindset. But here is my question to you. Do you think that men have now have mid life crisis because of society, or because we live longer?
My dad never had one... at least that I noticed. I guess I have no role model for this, Galen.
My experience would echo this, Perrie. We have, well loads of grankids, but they all live far apart, or are not in the most "ideal" circumstances. One of our children has mysteriously left us out of the picture. The other has lost touch with some of his own. But, one we have been able to take under our wing from time to time. Don absolutely adores her. I think she reminds him of his own childhood, as there are so many similarities. She is poor, and even just coming to see us is a "vacation" for her. I need to remember this once I am about to lose my mind. For, he loves her so very much (as do I), buthe seems to get the best times with her. Watching movies, etc. He seems able to be a kid again himself, and loves to give her the things he never had himself.
For me, it's quite different. I DO love her, but she drives me absolutely NUTZ. I just don't have the patience that I once did. It would be quite different if she lived in the same town. Easy, breezy visits of a couple hourse. How ideal. But life is seldom that!! On one of her 2 week visits to us, I'd really "had it". So, he wanted to take her to a carnival, an all day-er. Knowing what would happen, I readilly agreed, but bowed out myself. He arrived home tired and ragged and SO much less patient than when they had left.
For once, my little plan had worked. And he understood the responsibility and not just the fun of kids at our age. For those grandparents who raise the kids, well, what can I say, but that my hat is off to them. I'd lose my mind, and I haven't far to fall!!
Yet, when she leaves, I go into "her" room and cry. She IS sweet. It's just that I'm tired............
Agreed Mickey and Perrie.
The relationship that you build with your husband once your children have left the nest, well it's like building a brand new house. You DO want to have some solid earth on which to build, and that's for sure!!
I see a couple of things here, Catka left hand.
Genetics plays a HUGE role. It isn't everything, no, as you point out, genetics can be altered by life style as well.
And yes, though you may be shameless here, I am confident that you are a gentleman, and that helps too.
And thirdly, you are an optomist. I think that may account for a great deal. May you live to be over 100. As for myself, I could go at any time and be just as happy. I look forward to the life beyond this one, where I will meet up with all those I miss so terribly. Of course, I hang on for those I love here. So, I guess that dying is hard, but not for the reasons others might think...........yup that's me, talkin' bout dyin.
Hi Galen,
My Dad was awfully poor as a young man himself. He worked hard and saved furiously so that he could have some toys in mid life. Knowing his family background, I really understood. Tragically, he became ill and lost everything. But, he DID have a few good years in which to enjoy life to the full. And he did. So, go for it!! As long as it hurts no one, obviously...........now why did I say that? And have to spoil things?? LOL. Enjoy!!
I can assure you that Catka is a gentleman. I spent the weekend with him and Catka wifey at the Branson vinemeet. He is an absolute gentleman. He opens doors, makes sure every one is taken care of and happy and he does a good job of it, too. And, if there is work to be done, he's there helping out. Yes, he is a gentleman.
I just now found this article. Late, as usual.
I don't know if I had a midlife crisis or not. I was able to retire at age 50 and I went screaming out the door a free man. I had always been a good employee working my fanny off but when the time came, I left. Maybe that was my midlife crisis and I solved it all by walking away. I didn't absolutely hate my work, it was hard to be sure but I was good at it and well liked by my superiors. It was just time to do something else, so I did.
Better late than never!
Wow you guys met at a vinemeet! That is really cool. There were so many that were supposed to happen when I was there, but never did. What a shame they didn't!
I think to be able to walk away from a job at 50 isn't a mid life crisis.... it's good common sense!
Now you can enjoy life any way you choose! What a gift! You are a very lucky dude!
I figure if I had stayed I would have had some sort of crisis - knowing that I could be hanging out with my family and friends rather than driving an hour to and an hour from work every day and putting up with all the stress of a job as an admin of a large agency. No, I would have gone absolutely nuts had I stayed knowing I could have left. I did the right thing, I am sure of it. I have had more fun than I ever thought I would or could have conceived.
Matt would do what you did if he could, in a heart beat! I'm happy for you!
So you had to wait until you were 62 or 65. I don't know what the new rules are.
Good for you, Catka. Good for you. Enjoy, you lucky dog.
I don't know. I'm an old goober and don't think I ever had a "mid life crisis". Perhaps that was due to my perception of just when mid life rolled around. Considering my somewhat miscreant youth I never expected to make it to 40. Maybe I had that little crisis at 20. I just don't know. Some of that history from those early daze is a little fuzzy now. Anyhow, everything after 40 seems a gift.
Maybe I've just bum bum bummed along in my low key grimly insane and doefully self aborbed manner and didn't notice it. Maybe I got stoned and missed it.
Heck, I don't even know what a mid life crisis is supposed to look like.
Well Tex, I would say good for you! No one 'needs" a midlife crisis.. they just happen to some folks. But what every you did right or wrong seems to have worked out for you, which is all that really matters. Also I think that pre-baby boomers (I don't know if you are) seemed to busy with life to have a midlife crisis. Just an observation... no data to back that up!
I think you've made some good points here. But I must add that it has been proven that men do go through biological changes, like lowertestosterone. It just might have been that the affluent had the time for this, while others had to work through their problems!
It's pretty risky having a big midlife crisis when you have a wife and kids to support or strong obligations that mean a lot to you.
Whaddya want from us boomers ? We were busy gettin' stoned ...
Yeah, pretty much, Catka. I have never seen a more self centered bunch of folks in my life. Well, maybe not true. Kids raised in the 70's are maybe more self centered and selfish and less idealistic than the '50's and 60's kids.
OK , I'll bite . How are the boomers more self centered ? And is it the male boomers or the female boomers you are referring to ?
I never did read his books . Neither did my parents ...
So, just how many names did the Great Spirit give you, Gene??
Watch it or we will start naming you also, in the right spirit, of course.
Still, you had me goin' there for awhile. I think you really WILL live to be 120!!
So what does that translate into? Maybe you should go to that name for awhile!!
Otherwise I wander around here quite confus-ed!! LOL........
And a real nice goof at that, Perrie!! I always enjoy reading LR.......as I know you would as well.
Tex, it's just that not everyone, male or female, will go through a mid-life crisis. You didn't. It's called aging well.
I think that if less people fought the aging process, these mid-life crises wouldn't happen with such regularity.
I had a hard time myself with growing older. Then, well, I just gave up and accepted it. And, it was so freeing. I no longer cared what anyone thought of me. And, if I look old, and my husband taught me this, well, other people have to look at me, I don't!! And, it's helped me immensely. I no longer "fight" the inevitable aging process. I think thata lot of it is pushed on us by Hollywood. But, then again, that's how they keep their jobs. By getting plastic surgery. And, well, that's not in our budget. Plus, most "face lifts" and such don't turn out particularly well. I'd rather look my age than to try to "hang on" to what I was in the past. But, it was definately a process of adjusment.
I couldn't say that I had a full blown mid life crisis, but then again, I didn't avoid one either.
There is a real biological factor that goes along with aging with both men and woman. In woman it's just very obvious. We loose our periods. With men, it isn't. Though their bodies do go throughhormonalchanges,it isn't as dramatic.
But back in yesteryear, people were working too hard to really stop and notice. Now we have more down time, and more time to think about ourselves.
At least that is my take on it.
I spanked my kids. I am not ashamed to say that. I was spanked, too. I think that it is also important to be able to talk to your kids. Finding the balance is the trick... and not an easy one.
But we have become a more permissive society. Kids feel more empowered to talk back to their parents and a big part of that is what passes as children programming on TV. Smart ass kids with idiot parents. Don't get me started!
Yeah, go ahead. Start.
Maybe this explains why my cat is such a rascal . I never spank him but I do have other means of persuasion ...
Yes. I know. A half nelson.
Wally will have none of that.
Besides, I was talking about the human kids, not the kitty.
Did you notice that my reply was to Gunny Elvis ? Apparently not . As to Wally , he would have to accept a half nelson the way I do it . Apparently you fight like a girl !
Gene?
Heck.. anyone can comment on an open forum... remember?
As for Wally... he dares you! He double dares you!
And believe me, I don't fight like a girl, tough guy!
But up your dukes, LOL!
Boy that Wally must be quite a tiger :
Is that foreplay?
I guess you've not experienced an arm bar . They call the course submissions 101 for a good reason ...
Dirty little boy!
I think that is spot on... and not just for men,but for woman, too. After we tally our score cards on the what did we achieved and what we haven't, the mid life crises kicks in when we realize that we have haven't made the score and the clock is ticking....
Damn Charles... yes I am! 52 to be 53 in June. It's not age that bothers me, it's mortality. What you see in the mirror is just a reminder of how much time you have on your clock... so to speak. But with age does bring life experience and that is something you can't ever have in your youth. So I guess it's a trade off.
I'm going to be 53 this year Perrie. Fortunately my biological clock seems to be off by about 5 years, and I have the benefit of good genes that have allowed me to keep my hair with only a bit of gray peppering it. I have a great wife, and we are enjoying meeting each others needs in the bedroom.
So what do I have to complain about? I shouldn't as I have done and seen things that most couldn't imagine. I was a shit hot electronics tech in the Navy, and I loved flying, but I still got out after eight years. Did I make the right choice? If I had stayed in, I would not have met my wife, nor had the fun of raising two great girls. They are my vice. I don't go out to play golf, or have a night out with the boys, and I haven't been hunting since the first one was born some 20 years ago. But damn, I miss the rush of a catapult launch, and arrested landings. I do miss the six to eight hour patrols listening to whale farts in an effort to locate that elusive Soviet sub over freezing cold water that would take your life in less than four minutes. Am I an adrenalin junky in need of a fix?
As an engineer, I am always looking back at what I have learned and experienced in order to apply it towards a solution today. So for me it is very difficult to not go back and look at and evaluate my life and the choices I made. So what is it that I'm disappointed about? I really have done quite a bit, and achieved as much along the way, but its still not enough, and I want another mountain to climb mostly to prove to myself that I can still climb one.
My friends are now contracting cancer, with some already dead from it. I think it is also a realization that I am at a point where life has stopped giving me things and it is beginning to take them from me. I don't fear death, but maybe for the first time in a long time, I'm scared about the journey towards it.
Here endeth my ramble....
I truly believe men go thru a change of life as do women. No longer able to run or jump or excell at sports younger men get the jobs because they work for less money they have sex appeal the same thing that happens to women. I was told when I was first married to put anickle in a Huge jar everyday you and your wife make love. Take a penny out for every day you don't. See you will be amazed how quickly you go broke. Sex some men say it doesn't matter but from my perspective they lie. I had a prostrate problem had to urinate every 20 or thity minutes most of the time unless I dehydrated myself. Had a laser Bore job. don't know the medical term oh memory loss also is a very heavy mental weight to bear. Remember one day I couldn't remember one of my grand childrens names. Tried for a couple of days finally told my wife. Doctors visits and specialists neuroligist, psychologist. No one k nows the answer. Its notanything they can find. Spelling has digressed.
I will offer some blunt insight into how a guys world has been in the last 50 years and where it now is and a few other subjects germane to this particular thread:
1- Guys COMPETE against other guys all of their lives. This prevents them from forming very many - if any - close relationships. Women have DEMANDED the full attention of guys in exchange for fidelity (at least in the past). Again, this has had a strong isolating effect on guys in society. About the only use one guy has for another is what the first guy thinks he can get from the second one either now or later on.
2- Guys cannot have or maintain significant relationships with non-spousal women.
One and two above mean that if a guy does not have a faithful mate he has NOTHING in the form of any significant social structure to support him if he has any problems. He also will be discriminated against in all areas of life for NOT having a mate...thus he gets hammered coming and going by all others in society.
3- Women value a man for only for exactly ONE THING: Money. He has no other mate value and if any women states otherwise it's just a matter of figuring out what it is she hopes to gain personally by doing so. Guys realize at some point it is NOT what she says it is what she DOES that defines her beliefs. She will go to and be with the guy with the money. Thus there is no reason to waste time and money on women who are just going to use men to pass the time until they can find the rich man they are actually looking for.
4- A single-mother-with-kids is a walking death trap for any man not the father of those kids. She will do or say ANYTHING to get a source of economic support FOR THOSE KIDS and to enslave a man TO THOSE KIDS. Guys get fooled by some "good choice" who might have worked out fine IF SHE HAD NO KIDS but forget that with her kids being absolute number one in every way in her life a man is nothing but a disposable person to be used up completely and then discarded. Everyone in the world will give her a free pass for doing this when she states "I had to do this for my kids". When she is finished using up one man she will seduce and use another one up...over and over again..."for those kids". Single Mother has no capability of bonding with any man...she is already totally committed to those kids. If guys go this route they may just as well give her everything they have and then take a cyanide pill. It is certainly a more humane way to take out a man.
Given the choice between getting involved with a Single Mother and taking on the entire Soviet Army with a handgun and two rounds....I'd take the Soviet Army option. At least in battle a guy has a CHANCE of success and if he does not make it the enemy has the decency to to just kill him rather then just mortally wound him and leave him to die a slow, lingering death.
Testosterone:
When and guy has idiopathic low testosterone (the rest of the hormone "circuit" is OK but for reasons not obvious the testosterone production has dropped off a lot) there is a lot more happening than just a case of too-often ED.
Low testosterone makes short term memory iffy. So guys will find themselves taking all kinds of notes to try to compensate for not being able to remember details of something right after it happens.
Three dimensional thinking is impaired. Guys will STRUGGLE to solve three dimensional tasks like parallel parking, getting a vehicle backed up into a parking spot, or just fitting things into tight spaces. Three-D comes right back if the T gets into the normal range.
Patience is short. Not violently so. But just things like people going EXACTLY 65 point zero MPH in the fast lane of a highway will be annoying to a low T guy while if the T is normal it's more like "Oh well, at least it's still moving..." instead. In a relationship his mate might notice he seems to be easy to annoy if his T is low.
Low T ED is an interesting event.Just replacing the T helps but often does not completely fix things.The man really IS trying like crazy to screw her silly but "it" just cannot stay hard or working. Once she and then he start paying attention to "it" rather than each other...that is usually the end of any hope for success. This is made enormously worse when women decide to "take it personally" like you have any real choice in the matter if your penis does not work. Go see a doc, get a diagnosis, take some Viagra, etc, to get some "success" back into the event but do NOT make every event into a penis watch or forget about success. This is easier said than done in real life.
A mid twenties guy with low testosterone will look at women like a 60-70 year old guy...like they are friends and interesting human beings to help and not just something to screw. This ends badly for these guys as women don't believe they are sincere and take their not being really aggressive about dating them to be disinterest. They get CUT TO PIECES in society for being decent men.
Along about the year 2000 women finally hit full parity in the civilian workforce. In civilian life women totally dominate everything. Men have been and still are getting their asses handed to them by overwhelming numbers of women. Once an over 40 guy loses his decent job he will almost certainly never have another one again in his life. There are NO jobs to be had. The ones that there are are going to women of the ones that both women and men can do.
The USA is like an egg: There is a thin, brittle hard shell of really old men left - they are all that is left of men in civilian life. The rest of the non-shell egg is women. That shell is all that is left and it it irreversibly broken and when it is gone so is all significance for men in the US civilian world. Men are on the way out in the USA. There is a huge man-hate going on that started about 80 years ago and there are a lot of them that are "getting even" for what happened to thier Mothers/relatives a long time ago..never mind the men they are getting even with never did anything to THEM. Maybe the US women can import and use up some rich ones from somewhere else...but in general men in the USA are DONE and it's only a matter of time until females finish abolishing all things male left in US society. If you have not worked in the many totally female dominated civilian operations...they may seem unlikely. It is not. It is instead inevitable. Misandry is widespread in US civilian society no matter what the propaganda machine spews out to the contrary.
I wrote an earlier paragraph about the women - in particular those younger than about 60 - seeing US men as NOTHING but economic beasts of burden. Well, in the civilian US workplace women make more money, have more jobs, and about all of the opportunities there are are for women. Thus, these women have been and still are rejecting US men as mates as they can make more money and get by just fine without them..and that is exactly what they are doing. They are kicking men out of the civilian workplace and replacing them with women with absolute impunity to prosecution. The laws are all written to protect women...NOT men.
Summary:
What does a middle aged guy with no kids have to look forward to? Absolutely nothing.
The ones with kids are a living chance for an insurance payout. Otherwise they really have nothing left to do but wait to die and keep making the life insurnace payments to make the wife happy.
The question is asked why guys might not think life is grand. Why guys think that "magical thinking" revolving around the idea that if they decide life is wonderful it's still what it is. Reality has to be dealt with and a lot of that exists outside of the mind and magical thinking.
The modern US guy has no value to women. The modern US guy is being sacrificed to make women happy and there is no benefit to him for doing so as he is inevitably just being rejected or divorced no matter what he does. Most civilian guys have NO HOPE. It is NOT going to get better - ever - in thier lifetime.
The story of Jesus Christ is well known. It finally occurred to me that if a guy is honest and decent he often ends up just like Jesus Christ: Used, messed with, ridiculed, taken advantage of, and then nailed to a cross. Men have no chance of being resurrected when this happens.......
Enjoy the military experience. At least when she divorces you you will still have a military something over your head, something to eat, and an enemy that respects you and does not consider you as just being a walking wallet.
I left out all of the really disturbing parts and only wrote about the high points of men living in the modern civilian world.
Fly,
Sorry I missed your reply! This suddenly popped back on to the board and I saw this and the posts below.
BTW, my dad was an electronics tech in the Navy, too and we are both the same age (I'll be 53 in June)
So does my dad and he's going to be 80 in October... so be prepared. It never goes away.
I get that. Me too, hence this little venture. Maybe that is just the human condition for overachievers, LOL!
Again, I think that is also just part of the human experience. We look back and see that there is more of our lives behind us than ahead and that is a rude awakening.
And you can ramble anytime you like.
Again, apologies for not seeing this until now RM,
I happen to agree with your take, but then again, who knows? I think that health issues only make things worse. You can remember back to a time when you felt good and could be Superman. And yes, sex life does have a lot to do with it, for both sexes. I think feeling sexy for woman and their changes accompanied by those that men get at about the same age, will do that to you.
About your memory... How well have you been sleeping? If you are a poor sleeper (and many people don't know if they are, until they have a sleep study) it can affect your memory.
Thanks for chiming in!
US,
YIKES!!! Dear god man, what has life done to you, to make you so disappointed?
OK a couple of points.. but you probably won't agree.
OMG! Now that is scary!
Gene,
Would I do that to you? LOL!
I'm 31....and I work my ass off to keep looking 25 , I mean 28. At any rate, even as a teen, I found older men to be....feisty, so to speak, if you gave them the right (or wrong) verbal and body language clues.
I also had more than a few mid-age dudes dump on me about their personal life (when I was relatively younger) but I could read their clues loud and clear, in a manner of speaking.
Doing that got me into trouble more than a few times, for various reasons.
However.....
....I also was interested in older women....more than just casually or professionally.
I know you are cool-straight Perrie, which works for me, but I'm not...straight that is. All I'm going to say is that for other women, appearances can be deceiving. I've been with married (older) women and their male partners are clueless as to such a rendezvous.
Attractions between females that get to a point of carnal knowledge, are usually not based on "looks" or appearance. To me at least, such contact points transcend the mundane.
That's it...
Oh please, the guy I "am with" right now (actually have been for 9 years +/-) ...is currently 23 years older than me. What I deliberately did NOT say before is that some older men...not many but a few...have something that is called je ne sais quoi.
I recognized your reply was joking BUT (and I sincerely apologize for this) it did give me an edge to worm in something I should have said long time ago.
Summer is my busy time...
I've read what Randy said before...the ego/trophy part of it coming out that they want to feel they can still have what they might have had when they were in their twenties.
But, also, it was stated that something happens emotionally, what I think Perrie is talking about, and it happens to women, too.
..It's looking at one's life and realizing that either they didn't accomplish what they thought they would by that age, or they had expectations of being content with their lifestyle, and aren't.
From what I've seen, it seems to be a mid-life crisis that happens more around the late thirties or forty...realizing that half of their life has gone by (WHO-2011 says a males average life expectancy is 76-78), and feeling like the decisions they made in their twenties were the wrong ones.
CL,
Spot on!
It is also the realization that there is less road ahead than behind. Both are hard to accept.
Charles,
Your a nice guy and even as a younger woman I liked nice guys.
Oh, so true! LOL!
That's wonderful BF!
Are ya gonna fill us in on the fountain of youth?
Aeon,
Sexuality is fluid, despite what some would say. So your bi-sexual. Many woman are. It might not be my thing, but I can understand on an emotional level how an older woman could provide much emotionally to a younger woman... or even the same age.
BTW, I fight to stay looking errr.. 40 something. I will be 53 in June.
Hey Charles to me, your not an older man, LOL!
Don't I know that!
Charles, I don't know what happened, but I lost my whole reply to you!
I'll just leave it at....you are so right!
Personally, I want 'nice' in personal treatment, so a gentleman has always been appreciated, but I want a tough attitude when it's needed. Too often, a nice man can't be tough.
True on the older men, but what I don't understand is why some think a girl or woman 20-40 years younger would stay with them. They (she) might for a while for different reasons, but those reasons aren't usually physical....but everything else! Simply, they don't want to be with an older man, regardless of what he looks like. Just my thoughts.
It's good to read that you are content with where your life took you. I wonder how many can 'honestly' say that...most of us don't want to feel like we failed, so might not want to admit it to ourselves, either.
Yes, they are!
Men go through hormonal losses loss of sex drive and or continued sex drive but tired of hearing not to night we just did it last week. Are you nuts leave me alone. I don't feel well, my back hurts doesn't want to talk but talks for hours to her best friend and gossips for hours. Posts her movements on facebook from grocery store to coffee shop to pet store then drops off the grid for hours. We have challenges at work memory lapses, depression loss of confidence. So ladies you are not alone or innocent if your not part of the solution you just might be a big part of the problem. If you dress like a senior at the old folks home and thepeak of your day is a good bowel movement ladie your the problem.
Fifty three is only middle aged if you plan on living to be 106. Bet you will be cool and hot Perrie at 106. Its a mindset as much as anything.
lol...When a friend of mine divorced, because he no longer wanted to be married, (she was just 28 and he was 35), she said he was having a mid-life crisis...I said, What? At 35? When I thought about it, I guess that was pretty close! lol
Good for you Gene! And 62 is the new 52! And Jimmy was right about that. LOL!
CL,
It depends on how long you think you're going to live. Some of us are Betty White or George Burns.
RM,
Well, if mindset is everything... I'm still in high school.
RM,
I think that men and woman suffer in much the same way. What is different is the way we express it.
LOL... Hmmm...So does that mean if I tell dirty jokes (BW), and drink two martinis everyday (GB), that I'll live to see one hundred, too?! ..Think I'll start practicing today!
I have to give you credit, RFA. You put a real nice positive perspective on being middle aged. Everything you say is true. There is a way to look at your life as a new beginning instead the loss of youth. You can create your own legacy and you have the security that you never had in your youth. You can give yourself permission to do what you want to do.
Thanks for being so upbeat! I think those points are important to get those ideas out there.
Ewww...I hope that isn't really what happened!
I've always thought some women associate that tough attitude with masculinity, being 'protective' -- chivalrous, in that way more than in a manners and etiquette context of chivalry. I think we want the etiquette, but we want the warrior, too.
..Or something close.
But there might be something generational about my thoughts, because now it seems like some of the younger girls like the 'bad boy' type, that gets into trouble. I've never thought they were attractive.
Very Cool Six! I love Clint!
Thanks Perrie. You'll love the rest of them as well. When they finish they have plenty others to look at should you desire.
I've learned two things that came from interacting with the opposite sex; for the most part, nice guys finish last and it doesn't pay to be a gentleman.
In my opinion, nice guys don't finish at all.
Otherwise, exactly, only on the Internet or when interacting with a real honest-to-G-d-Lady which is a rare thing under 60 years of age will the above not cost you everything you are, have, or ever will have.
The new generations are absolutely ruthless in thier materialism and willingness to cheat and lie to get ahead and remaining on the correct gentlemen standard is often just not feasible. This is like flying a biplane over the most modern air defense in the world thinking if you just "have a positive attitude" that somehow a surface-to-air missle with not destroy your airplane and you with it.
I have been able to set a condition that has me almost totally isolated from the world. Virtually all that I do is via internet and over the phone and otherwise I work with no overlap AT ALL between me and any female under 60 years of age. There is one Lady (Somewhere between 55-60ish) thatI trust at one business I'm involved in and I make a point of going by and meeting with her publically one time a week to make sure I am taking care of the office as it should be taken care of.This is in the middle of the day and I know where all the surveylence cameras are (some known, some not the employees) and if someone else comes by and starts acting weird the entire incident is transferred to permanent tape files and ends up in a safety deposit box for later legal use if someone gets ideas.
I trust the Lady that cuts my hair as I have watched her get hit on by about every man in three counties and she has always remained a perfect Lady and is a credit to her gender in how she handles sometimes unwanted male attention. She is only about 30ish and is a major exception to the current trend.
At church I only go to meetings that are men-only and depart immediately outa side entrance directly to a public parking lot with a lot of visibility and have nothing at all to do with women at all. If you never interact with them it is very hard for them to make an incident out of it. I've seen too many other men's lives destroyed to ever trust an unknown female again.
Younger women in particular are dangerous threats to men and the only viable tactic to cope with that threat is compete avoidance of all contact. Thier parents (still in the picture at 30+ old"kids"years these days)are in denial of all of this and the only way to deal with that is to neverdiscuss thier kids at all, have nothing to do with them, and if kids/women show up, just politely excuse yourself and leave and let the old men who have no comprehension of whatthe world has become deal with it. The old guys at the church are very wealthy and women respect money above all else these days.