Employee Notice For Old People
Employee Notice For Old People
..
Due to the
current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, the
Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age
and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing
unemployment.
This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire
Aged People Early).
Persons
selected to be RAPED can apply to
the Government to be considered for the SHAFT program
(Special
Help After Forced Termination).
Persons
who have been RAPED
and
SHAFTED will be
reviewed under the SCREW program
(System
Covering Retired-Early Workers).
A person
may be RAPED once,
SHAFTED twice and
SCREWED
as many
times as the Government deems appropriate.
Persons who
have been RAPED could get
AIDS (Additional
Income for Dependents & Spouse)
or
HERPES (Half
Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously
persons who have AIDS or
HERPES will not be
SHAFTED or SCREWED
any further by
the Government.
Persons who are not RAPED and are
staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special
High Intensity Training) as
possible. The Government has always prided themselves on the amount of
SHIT
they give
our citizens.
Should you feel that you do not receive enough
SHIT, please
bring this to the attention of your MP, who has been trained to give you all
the SHIT you can
handle.
Sincerely,
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual
Lives (E.V.I.L.)
PS - Due to
recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as
current market conditions, The Light
at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.
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My brother sent me this. He's older than me.