Yiddish Curses for Republican Jews
Vomiting with Lockjaw Section
- May you sell everything and retire to Florida just as global warming makes it uninhabitable.
- May you live to a hundred and twenty without Social Security or Medicare.
- May you make a fortune, and lose it all in one of Sheldon Adelson’s casinos.
- May you live to a ripe old age, and may the only people who come visit you be Mormon missionaries.
- May your son be elected President, and may you have no idea what you did with his goddamn birth certificate.
- May your grandchildren baptize you after you’re dead.
- May your insurance company decide constipation is a pre-existing condition.
- May you find yourself insisting to a roomful of skeptics that your great-grandmother was “legitimately” raped by Cossacks.
- May you feast every day on chopped liver with onions, chicken soup with dumplings, baked carp with horseradish, braised meat with vegetable stew, latkes, and may every bite of it be contaminated with E. Coli, because the government gutted the E.P.A.
- May you have a rare disease and need an operation that only one surgeon in the world, the winner of the Nobel Prize for Medicine, is able to perform. And may he be unable to perform it because he doesn’t take your insurance. And may that Nobel Laureate be your son.
- May the state of Arizona expand their definition of “suspected illegal immigrants” to “anyone who doesn’t hunt.”
- May you be reunited in the world to come with your ancestors, who were all socialist garment workers.
Tags
Who is online
456 visitors
May you read this in the spirit it's intended …
… about which I'm not divulging.
Oy!
No interest it seems.
No interest it seems.
Of course there's interest. You know the old saying:
Jesus saves, Moses invests.
Then there is the definition of Jewish Alzheimer's Disease. You forget everything except grudges.
Oy!
No interest it seems.
They're not in Yiddish! My wife swears at me in Yiddish sometimes, but I just ignore her. Any curses directed at me in a language that that I don't understand don't count.
Oy, it's gonna be a bad eternity for some folks.
Funny!
Yiddish Curses For Republican Jews
Republican Jews are beyond being helped-- all six of them.
Even Yiddish won''t help.
Republican Jews are beyond being helped-- all six of them.
Are you sure there are that many? Surprises me.
Well, okay, I had NT turned off for a little while. Have now read them and recognize some of them - very funny. I was worried you were going to list them in Yiddish but then, who would understand? Enoch would for sure.
Buzz, I just spoke to Enoch or as he is known by his Ojibwe name, Thundering Canoe, we were discussing the list while munching on the great Jewish Ojibwe delicacy ''The Kosher Winnebagel'' while LOL.
The summer when I was 18 I worked as a waiter at a summer camp in Ontario's Muskoka district called Camp Winnebago(e) (I don't remember if it had an "e" at the end.) Whenever you mention that Kosher Ojibwe bagel I think of the camp and the RV. I can still remember, after 60 years, the closing concert song:
Shame, shame, Winnebegoo is closing. Shame, shame, the summer's through. Shame, shame, the characters are leaving. We're sure gonna have a tough time without you.
Buzz, was your chef the world renown Ojibwe Jewish chef, Chief Chef Boiling Water Goldstein?
I don't even know if he was an Indian, but I was really smart. I made friends with him so when the rest of the staff were eating the mush prepared for the campers, I was eating steaks.
See what happens when you have a Ojibwe Jewish person...Amazing human beings....
(I don't remember if it had an "e" at the end.)
Is this the one? If so. I think it did...
Did you have "colour war"? ( There it must've been Green vs. Grey).
Absolutely! That was the crest of the camp. That's the place. At that time it was located on Skeleton Lake, in Muskoka, but I think it moved later on. I have some great stories about my experiences there, including almost drowning.
I can't open the link - can you post the url and I'll to get it with another browser.
I was at the camp during the summer of 1955. It moved from Skeleton Lake to Fox Lake in 1960, but the Skeleton Lake camp site was purchased by Camp Ramah in 1960. To see the actual location, site and buildings of the camp that I attended this is the link for the camp that purchased the site later:
I don't recall the colour wars - not even sure if there were colour wars back then.
There were 6 waiters, and we were all designated to be "Junior Counselor Waiters" which enabled us to take advantage of all of the camp's facilities and programs. Because of our limited working hours we had lots of time to enjoy the camp. One of those other waiters eventually became a classmate in Law School, and another of them bought the house next door to mine many years later so we spent lots of time recalling our experiences. He was the one who had taught me a better more relaxing way to swim after I almost drowned.
Thanks for the reference to Winnebagoe and the happy memories it has rekindled.
Winnebagomlink:
Actually here's a shorter version which may work better:
What a drag. We had this whole German and Yiddish thing starting to take of the Home (Front) page and Petey had to break it up with a comment on a political article.
Interesting thing is that Yiddish and German are very closely related and even similar. Yiddish is a kind of bastardized German, created by German Jews and then being used by the whole of European and Russian Jewry.
What can I say ... its my special talent .
LOL
Color me misinformed, I thought that Yiddish was Polish...
Russian Jewry
On that subject … probably back in the 70's, some of the synagogues in Philly would post signs that said …
FREE RUSSIAN JEWRY
Every time I saw one I was tempted to add the words … WITH PURCHASE.
But, in retrospect, I'm glad I resisted the temptation.
May your son grow up to be a doctor and marry another doctor named Mark.
If you're not Jewish, married to someone Jewish, didn't grow up in a Jewish neighborhood, or, not well-versed in Jewish culture … you will not likely get the following "Yiddish curse" …
"May you have dinner at the Mohel's house … only to learn after your third helping … that there's no such thing as "Kosher Calamari"!
Surely you've seen this advice I've posted a few times:
Never buy grivalech from a mohel.
Never buy grivalech from a mohel.
I considered that, but figured more folks know about calamari.
More "skin" in the game so-to-speak (just a tip-off).
I think I just made this even more of an insider comment.
I will post the definition of "mohel" later.
I find this highly offensive, humor at the expense of a religious group.
Anyone here about the new Jewish Global currency?
Bitcohen.
Not at the "expense," rather, the use of humor to express a sentiment … scathing though it may be … it is quite an effective way to vent.
BTW, you can make purchases with Bitcohens at OYS R' US.