Top 10 List of Funny Quotes.
This is a top 10 list of funny quotes . Some are hilarious, others are sheer crazy. And buried in the humor is the occasional word of wisdom. Read these for pleasure and spread the cheer by clicking the "Email this page" link at the bottom.
1. Robert Benchley
It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up, because by that time I was too famous.
This 4 Minute Exercise Teaches Your Dog To Potty Outside Every Time!
2. Oscar Levant
What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left.
3. Paul Merton
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
Cut down a bit of stomach fat every day by never eating these 4 foods.
Limited-Ingredient Formula for Dogs with Skin Sensitivities.
4. Homer Simpson
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.
5. Jean Kerr
I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want - an adorable pancreas?
Cut down a bit of stomach fat every day by using this 1 weird old tip.
6. Steven Wright
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
7. Partick Moore
At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if I'm not there I carry on as usual.
8. Groucho Marx
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
9. Ellen DeGeners
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.
10. Elayne Boosler
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I only lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
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I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I only lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
ROFLOL !!
ggrrrr....My Smileys are gone!!!!
Kav.....would you mind if we added to your list??
Add away Nona.
Kavika
Great stuff that brings a smile to my face --
One of my favorites of all time is from Yogi Berra
I love that one by Yogi, RIO...
Thanks ! I'll see what I can find when I get back from PT!!
Looking forward to some additions Nona.
These are hilarious! Thanks for posting them-- they gave me a real chuckle!
I thought they were great when I saw them. They really needed to be published on the FP
Kavika
He was a rare and bountiful source of folksy wisdom and truly a man who said what was on his mind without thinking about framing it for political correctness or literal meaning.
He certainly came up with some classics over the years.
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
LOL, that is true Nona.
This is wonderful.
Thanks for brightening my day.
E.
Your welcome niijii.
When you fall, I will be there to catch you - With love, the floor.
Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. Albert Einstein
For #9 Ellen DeGeners:
She'll be found somewhere within a radius of 3,440,125 miles of where she was last seen.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
How very true, the kissing one...
The floor can be loving if there is carpet on it when you fall.
That's a classic 2blue.
You welcome dd.
Is that even possible Nona.
she is a hell of a walker Larry.
Those moccasins have holes for sure Kavika!!!!
Probably more than one pair Larry...LOL
Dear Friend Kavika: This quote is a set of two on Mount Sinai (Har ha Horeb).
G-d (as a burning bush). "Moses, take the sandals from off your feet, for the ground upon which you stand is Holy".
Moses (bare foot on burning desert sand and soil). "Ow, ouch, owwie, Hot hot, stone, hot, ow"!
Enoch, trodding carefully around ignited shrubbery.
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell BINGO!
''trodding carefully around ignited shrubbery''...Should read Enoch ''hot footing it'' around ignited shrubbery..
Should read Enoch ''hot footing it'' around ignited shrubbery..
ROFLOL !!
Dear Friends Kavika and Nona62: Good ones!
Thanks for starting off my weekend so well.
E.
The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
It was a joke, J-O-K-E
I'm sure that it is MM. How do you deal with it? It must be a real burden...LOLOLOL Good morning MM.
come on JR, it was a joke...you know one of those things that you laugh at.
" Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night!"