Let's change NewsTalkers into a mindless chit chat forum!
S E E D E D C O N T E N T
It seems that there's a trend on NT to spam the forum with articles having nothing to do with NEWS. So here is my contribution. Please post your favorite dumb blonde joke here!
1. Blonde: “What does IDK mean?”
Brunette: “I don’t know.”
Blonde: “OMG, nobody does!”
2. Why do blondes tip-toe past medicine cabinets?
So they don’t wake up the sleeping pills.
3. How do you keep a blonde busy?
Write “flip” on both sides of a sheet of paper.
4. How do you keep a blonde in the shower all day?
Hand her a bottle of shampoo that says “lather, rinse, repeat.”
5. Why did the blonde get so excited about finishing a jigsaw puzzle in six months?
Because the box said it was for “2 to 4 years.”
6. What did the blonde say after glimpsing a box of Cheerios?
“OMG! Donut seeds!”
7. What’s every blonde’s dream in life?
To be like Vanna White and actually learn the alphabet.
8. How do you know if a blonde’s been using your computer?
You’ll find White Out all over the screen.
9. Why do blondes love boob jobs?
It’s really the only job they’re qualified for.
10. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
“I wonder if it’s mine.”
11. Why do blondes stare at orange juice containers for hours on end?
Because they say “concentrate.”
12. Why did the blonde put her iPad in the blender?
She was trying to make apple juice.
13. What do the Bermuda Triangle and a blonde have in common?
They both swallow a lot of sea men (aka semen).
14. How do you drown a blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.
15. Why don’t blondes talk during sex?
Their moms taught them never to speak to strangers.
16. Three blondes walk into a building.
You’d think at least one of them would’ve seen it.
17. How do you confuse a blonde?
Put her in a circle and tell her to sit in the corner.
18. What do screen doors and blondes have in common?
The more you bang them, the looser they get.
19. What do you call a blond with an actual brain?
A golden retriever.
20. Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar?
Someone told her drinks were on the house.
21. What’s the difference between a pregnant blonde and a lightbulb?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.
22. What do blondes do when their laptop freezes?
Microwave them.
23. Why did the blonde put condoms on her ears?
To avoid getting hearing AIDS.
24. What do blondes and dog shit have in common?
The older they get, the easier it is to pick them up.
25. How do you confuse a blonde?
You don’t. They’re born that way.
26. Why do blondes make awful bank robbers?
Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards.
27. Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
She was desperately trying to make up her mind.
28. Why couldn’t the blonde dial 911?
She couldn’t find the eleven.
29. Why’d the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing out all the W’s.
30. Why do blondes hold their hands tightly over their ears?
Because they’re desperately trying to hold in a thought.
Weeeee! This is fun! Stay on topic or I will order your comments deleted!
Old joke: A blonde and a brunette are walking past a florist shop. The blonde says to the brunette: "Isn't that your boyfriend buying flowers?" The brunette sighs, and says "Yes, he buys me flowers every week. I wish he wouldn't. It only means that I have to spend the entire weekend with my legs up in the air." The blonde says: "Why? Don't you have a vase??"
A blonde and her friend went shoe shopping. The blonde says: "I LOVE those pumps! But I need to get a Marks-A-Lot and write 'TGIF' on the insoles." The friend says "You're only going to wear them on Fridays?" The blonde says, "Oh no. I write that on all my shoes. But what does that have to do with Fridays?" The friend says "You know, thank god it's Friday..." The blonde responds, "That's silly; it means 'Toes Go In First.'"
A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
Is this her first child? asks the doctor.
No he shouts. This is her husband
-----------------
A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts "Did you find the shampoo?"
He answers, yes but I'm not sure what to do... It's for dry hair and I just wet mine.
----------------
Two blonde men find three grenades and they decide to take them to a police station.
One asked: what if one explodes before we get there?
The other says: We'll lie and say we only found two.
31.
What's a corn maze for a blond?
One stalk of corn in the middle of a yuge corn field.
The blonde baked a chicken for three and a half days. She read that you bake a chicken at 30 minutes per pound and she weighed 125.
In an old farmhouse, a dumb blonde was cooking in her kitchen when suddenly, the grease caught fire.
Panicking, she ran to the living room, got the cell phone out of her purse and dialed 9-1-1.
Before the operator could even speak, the dumb blonde screamed, "Come quick! My kitchen's on fire!" and quickly hung up the phone and put it back in her purse.
A few moments later, the fire had completely engulfed the kitchen; and was spreading into the living room.
Once again, the dumb blonde ran to her purse, grabbed the cell phone; and dialed 9-1-1.
Again, before the operator could even speak, the dumb blonde screamed, "Come quick! the fire's in my living room now!" and quickly hung up the phone and put it back in her purse.
By this time, she was being overtaken with smoke; so she grabbed her purse and ran to the bedroom.
As the fire was getting closer, she, once again, grabbed her cell phone, dialed 9-1-1 and screamed into it. "You idiots! You're letting my house burn down! Come get me out of here before I die!"
The lady on 9-1-1 interrupted and said, "Wait a minute! How do we get there?"
The dumb blonde paused for a second.... Then said, "Duh...Big Red Truck!" and hung up.
Omigawd! She's smarter than the blonde I know! The blonde I know said she couldn't call for help because someone screamed for her to call nine eleven and she couldn't find an eleven on her phone.
Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
Sturrups
I protest this comment as a definition of character.
A blonde was sitting at the bar watching the six o'clock news. Just then, a newscaster stops midsentence and says, "This just breaking! There's been an earthquake in South America and reports states that ninety Brazilians are dead." "Oh god," the blonde says, "how many is a brazilian???"
I love that joke.
ive waxed that question a brazillion times
Two blonds sitting on the shores of the Mississippi river under a full moon...
First blond: "What do you think is closer? Florida, or the moon?"
Second blond: "Well duh, you can see the moon!"
Oh come on you guys. The sun is much more important and Jen has it completely figured out. Obviously, she is not a blonde.
But she's a Limey, so everyone knows that Limey rules are different, lol
Wait a minute!!! Are you a paid Bradley troll?!!!
That's not dumb it's logic. I agree if I can see something it has to be closer that something I can't see...
Duuu
sarc !
If I had white hair as a kid, was blonde, now my hair is getting darker with age, does that mean I am getting smarter?
white hair as a kid
Ender Winter...? brother Johnny...?
Yeah but, LOL Isn't that Edgar Winter ?
I saw them in a small nightclub back in the early 80's they did rock the place. I can still remember it, Thanks ...Good time
Ender, Edgar close enuff, they both had White hair.
.
ive seen them, and they Rock.
ive seen them in small venues in Philly and a few years back in the Poconoe Mts, again , they rocked
just missed seeing them in Germany, bt that's another story
.
wunder if they were even affected by blonde jokes, as their hair was white...
Both being Albino, and Johnny cross-eyed, they were quite a sight.
cool link
but no dumb blonds, b sides mine of coarse
I used to b a dumb brunette,
so I dyed.
now,
I'm just dead (n obviously blonde)
.
"are you lost
when you find your way"
,
somethinhk ive found
when I find my way
What do you do if a blonde tosses a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back
A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge.
The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, “I'll take that bet!”
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said, “I can't take this, you're my friend. I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money.”
The blonde replied, “Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!”
Since it was not appreciated in a recent seed, I'll put it here.
A guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked. She stuck her head out and said, "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes..."