CANADIAN ADVICE ON SPENDING TAX REFUNDS
CANADIAN ADVICE ON SPENDING TAX REFUNDS
After filing their personal tax returns by April 30th, many Canadians will again receive a tax refund.
This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it in a Q & A format:
Q. What is a tax refund payment?
A. It’s money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q.. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen of it.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
A. Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the Canadian economy by spending your tax refund wisely:
* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka.
* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan or China .
* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala.
* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea..
* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.
* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead, keep the money in Canada by:
1) Spending it at yard sales, or
2) Going to hockey games, or
3) Spending it on prostitutes, or
4) Beer or
5) Tattoos.
(These are the only “truly” Canadian businesses still operating)
Conclusion:
Go to a hockey game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day!
No need to thank me, I'm just glad to be of help.
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Emailed to me by my brother, who lives in Manila for tax purposes.
Although this was posted using the forum topic of "The Lighter Side/ Humor", it should be "The Lighter Side/ Humour" because it's Canadian.
When buying the beer, thus contributing to the economy of St. Louis, MO and Boulder, CO, don't forget to buy lots of bacon (disguised as smoked ham). Never could figure out why the Canadians call that stuff bacon. Does taste good, though.
In the US, taxes are due on April 15th. When I was a kid, they were due on March 15th, thus leading to comparison with Shakespeare's Julius Caesar. "Beware the Ides of April", just doesn't have the same spirit.
Just hit 70 today. When my grandson asked me what it felt like to be 70, I told him that, when I woke up this morning, I somehow felt a lot older (or maybe more mature).
Dear Friend TTGA: Happy birthday to a great friend.
We are both over 70.
By age, and on the thruway.
Peace, Abundant Blessings and Many Cake Candles.
Enoch.
Happy Birthday. I wish I could feel like 70 again. LOL
We call it back bacon (which looks like ham) and you call it Canadian bacon, but it's not ham, it's still bacon. The usual strips are still just plain "bacon" no matter where you eat it. But you're right about the beer. There is only one small brewery in Canada that is entirely Canadian owned and produced.
China and Manila eh? ..... does any of the Buzz clan still live in Canada?
My daughter still lives in Toronto.
Dear Friend Buzz: I suggest people in the USA and Canada use tax refunds to buy State of Israel Bonds.
Interest coupons to fund Yiddish lessons in Quebec and Iowa.
Principal to be used to hockey tickets, take tatooed prostitutes met at yard sales; Moulson's and Pabst for drinking games.
One swig for every minute your favorite team has players in the penalty box.
Peace, Abundant Blessings and Many Happy Tax Returns.
Enoch.
Of your suggestions, the only things I've done is having bought Israel bonds, hockey tickets to watch my Leafs lose the Stanley Cup yet again, spent much time and money at yard and garage sales but met no prostitutes (that I knew of) and I no longer need to file tax returns as a non-resident but taxes are automatically deducted from my pensions.
Excellent advice
And funny too