Does My Man Have a Right to Be Upset if I Accept Drinks From Other Guys When I Go Out Without Him?
Does My Man Have a Right to Be Upset if I Accept Drinks From Other Guys When I Go Out Without Him?
Ask Demetria: Lets flip the question: Would you be upset if your man bought drinks for other women when he went out without you? Let your answer be your guide.
Should a man get upset or feel a type of way if his girlfriend goes out, either solo or with friends, and other men buy her drinks? Or should she turn them down? Anonymous
Let me ask you this instead: Would you be OK if your man went out, either solo or with friends, and bought women drinks? Whatever your answer is to that is how you should proceed in your situation.
In my research (i.e., an informal conversation with friends), I found plenty of women who were OK with accepting drinks. I found none who were OK with their man buying them.
So Im going to guess that your answer to my question is no, for two reasons: One, you dont like the idea of your man spending money on another woman. And two, you know from experience that a drink is rarely just a drink.
Are some random guys just generous and want to ensure that a lady has a good time? Absolutely; those guys exist. Your man even might be one. But you know and I know from experience that most of the time, when a man buys a drink, hes trying to push up.
Hes not offering that drink because you look parched and hes a do-gooder who wants to quench your thirst. Hes offering because its an entry point to have a conversation with you, find out what your interests are and who you be with, things that make you smile, what numbers to dial, to quote the late, great street poet Biggie. And the guy knows that in a crowded room with lots of people potentially vying for your attention, he needs to stand out. Youre more likely to at least hear him out than turn your head if he comes with a perk: a drink.
Of course, youre not obligated to chitchat with a man because he buys you a drink. You owe him no more than a thank-you or a raised glass to say, Cheers. But when the guy is interested, its misleading to accept his gift when youre not trying to hold a conversation. And it can be awkward. Oh, and its cheap. Its the club equivalent of going out with a guy you dont like just to get a free meal.
But lets call this all what it is: Hes flirting and youre entertaining him for the equivalent of $8-$18, depending on the city and the venue. Thats a paltry sum to disrespect your commitment if your man, in fact, sees it as disrespectful.
If he does, skip the freebie on the front end and the headache on the back end if he ever finds out; just buy your own drinks or pregame before you go. If you cant afford your own drinks, then perhaps you dont need to drink. Spirits are a luxury, not a necessity.
Not all men care about your accepting a mans drink, of course. (Confession: Mine does.) When I threw this question out to an attentive audience, there were men aplenty who were like, Save your money, take that drink and come home tipsy to me.
If your man feels like these guys, accept the drink. If your man doesnt, politely decline and purchase your. http://www.theroot.com/articles/culture/2015/02/relationship_advice_is_it_ever_ok_to_accept_drinks_from_men_other_than_your.html?wpisrc=newsletter_jcr%3Acontent%26Tags
seeder
Nona62
9 years agoLets flip the question: Would you be upset if your man bought drinks for other women when he went out without you? Let your answer be your guide.
deepwater don
9 years agoNona...
You can really pick 'interesting' seeds, to say the least!I have been in bar fights because of situations like this. One reason I do not drink anymore, nor do I frequent bars either.
Older, wiser, and not so tough, became my new Mantra.
Dean Moriarty
9 years agoI'd tell her if Bill Cosby's buying your drinks I'm not carrying you home.
LoneRanger01
9 years agowould I be upset if some one bought my wife a drink,...No she didn't drink
would I buy another girl a drink,....that's a two part question. If I were married to Lauran Bobbit,...probably NOT for obvious reasons......
seeder
Nona62
9 years agoNona...
You can really pick 'interesting' seeds, to say the least! Thanks dd.....I try....
jennilee
9 years ago
seeder
Nona62
9 years agoOK....let's try this angle....women....would you be upset if your man bought another woman a drink???
seeder
Nona62
9 years agoIf I drank, and was out with some friends and some guy sent over a drink to me, I would have to say no thank you... (even if he sent drinks to everyone else at the table.)
Dowser
9 years agoI haven't dated in so long, I probably shouldn't even attempt to answer this question...
My gut instinct is to say no. To me, the drink represents an obligation-- you now have to thank the person, and have a contact. If you're in a committed relationship, you're committed to the person you are with, and not some stranger that just happens to buy you a drink. I would ask why the guy is buying me a drink? What does he want?
Note: I don't go out to bars, and if I do, (I think we have gone to a bar once, since we married), I was with my husband...
sixpick
9 years agoOk. How would you feel if your guy went out with or without other guys and some girl wanted to buy him a drink? How would you feel about that?
Nowhere Man
9 years agoIt's an issue that puts the recipient on the spot, not the relations of the recipient. the relations of the recipient should trust the recipient to make the right choice given their understanding of their relationship.
The reason I say the boyfriend, Wife, Husband, girlfriend shouldn't have an issue is because they should trust their partner to make the right choice. Any hesitation on the part of an S/O to allow his/her partner to make such a choice is indicative of a lack of trust.
You can't hang someone until they choose to take the rope.
If you can't trust your partners decisions, do you really know them?
Sister Mary Agnes Ample Bottom
9 years agoIt wouldn't bother me if he wanted to buy another girl a drink, as long as it wouldn't bother him to have my foot surgically removed from his ass.
Harry was spot-on with this:
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