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People Nowadays Believe Children Should Be Neither Seen Nor Heard

  

Category:  Other

Via:  nona62  •  9 years ago  •  62 comments

People Nowadays Believe Children Should Be Neither Seen Nor Heard

People Nowadays Believe Children Should Be Neither Seen Nor Heard

This article isabout people's reactions towards children's behavior in public ..not politics or religion ... Please keep that in mind...Thanks :-)

I dont understand why our culture seems to view it as such a negative thing to integrate children into our everyday lives.

My family and I love this little grocery chain. I love it for the great prices on healthy and difficult-to-find products. My girls love it because it invites children in several different ways. First, a stuffed squirrel offers a prize to those who can find him hidden somewhere inside the store. Second, employees generously hand out stickers at the checkout counter. But perhaps most significant to small children are the miniature shopping carts, which offer them a way to play grown-up and help by putting groceries in their own self-directed vessels.

Now, normally there are only one or two miniature carts waiting out front when we approach the store, which of course necessitates taking turns. But on this blessed occasion, there were exactly three carts sitting in the entrance. My girlsespecially the three-year-old, who rarely got a turnwere overjoyed! We snatched up those shiny red carts, and our awkward little caravan rumbled inside.

It was upon entering the store that I realized that 2 p.m. on a Tuesday was apparently the time when half the city requires their wares from Trader Joes. As anyone who has ever been inside a Trader Joes can tell you, they are not exactly known for their roomy aisles. In fact, they take pride in their limited square footage, as it helps keep their prices down. I take my children out to run errands usually at least once a week, so they are well aware of the rules of staying close to Mommy and trying not to impede the flow of traffic, but it is difficult enough to navigate those aisles as an adult when the store is crowded.

You can imagine, then, how it went with three child-size carts in the mix. I did my best to keep the girls out of other folks way, and they really were behaving quite well. But, produce stands were bumped, a few ankles were nudged, and we slowed the progress of several other customers.

Not Everyone Has Patience for Children

To the credit of our local Trader Joes clientele, most met these incidents with a smile, a no problem, or even an arent they precious. But while we were in one of the cold food aisles (which, incidentally, has a fair bit more room than some of the other aisles), we inevitably ran up against one who did not take such a gracious view of these affairs.

Are we all in so much of a hurry that a mother with small children must be shamed for slowing others down by half a minute?

She was a smallish woman, probably in about her 50s. As my girls circled happily around the mostly-empty aisle with a bit more freedomnot even in this womans way, if I recall correctlyI heard a muffled exclamation from her direction. I looked up with a slight smile, expecting another friendly face. But instead Three miniature carts in a crowded store? she huffed. Really!

I was so taken aback, I didnt even answer. I just gathered up my girls and shuffled them sheepishly into the next aisle. I was embarrassed. I began to doubt myself a bit. Perhaps I should have just made them take turns with one cart. Perhaps when I saw that the store was crowded, I should have just ditched the whole mini cart thing altogether. Perhaps I should have been more diligent about keeping them close.

Then again, how much of a problem did they really cause? They hadnt been running wildly through the store, knocking things over, or slamming into people. The worst they probably did was to cause someone to leave the store with her organic bananas and nitrate-free lunchmeat approximately 30 seconds later than she would have otherwise. Are we all in so much of a hurry that a mother with small children must be shamed for slowing others down by half a minute?

This Wasnt an Isolated Incident

This little incident at Trader Joes is just one example of an attitude I have seen and heard from others regarding my taking my children out and about. I am fortunate to live in the South, where people are generally pretty friendly and casual when interacting with strangers. But even here, with my comparatively calm and well-behaved children, I occasionally get dirty looks and verbal jabs like this one. My crime? Toting around multiple small children in public.

Parents are quite often driven to embarrassment by their childrens behavior, not so much because the children did anything abnormal, but because they did it in public.

At some level, I do get it. Most people dont have four children under the age of eight, as I now do. Most people also have their children in school of some sort by the age of four or five, while we homeschool. Further, a growing number of mothers are going to work, rather than staying at home with their little ones as I do. So I know Im the odd one out. I can understand why people sometimes stare. What I dont understand is why our culture seems to view it as such a negative thing to have children integrated into our everyday lives.

Perhaps this may be seen as an overreaction to a relatively tame comment from a single grumpy lady. And if it were based on my experience alone, I would probably agree. But I write because I know I am not the only one. I may be the oddball in our culture, but I have quite a few friends who are in a similar position. Ive heard numerous stories of strangers giving my friends nasty looks or comments because of a minor incident of naughtiness, or (as in my own example) even the simple fact that they have children in public, being what they are: children. Parents are quite often driven to embarrassment by their childrens behavior, not so much because the children did anything abnormal, but because they did it in public .

Children Are a Part of Life

Why are children so unwelcome at times? We all know the drill.

They are noisy. They are messy. They are naughty. They are expensive. They get in the way. They are inconvenient .But hey, guess what? They are a part of life . Without children, we have no adults, we have no future, we have no human race. Yet there seem to be some who, if they could, prefer to segregate out this entirely necessary segment of the population and put them all in neat little boxes where they wont inconvenience anyone in the adults-only world.

It tells you something about a culture when it can be so simple to take a child out of this world and so difficult to put one into it.

Further, as we are reminded by the recent Roe v. Wade anniversary, there are those who believe that children are inconvenient to the point of being expendable at will. Remember when the pro-choice slogan was, Keep abortion safe, legal, and rare ? Yeah, neither do I. The abortion industry no longer tries to hide behind the excuse of rarity.

Our government now provides nearly half of the funding for Planned Parenthood, the countrys largest abortion provider, which performs about a third of the nations 1 million-plus abortions each year. This funding is defended on the grounds that Planned Parenthood provides all types of womens healthcare, yet according former clinic director Abby Johnson (now a well-known pro-life advocate), the organization no longer bothers to offer prenatal services . You want to get rid of your baby? No problem! Were here to help. You want to keep the baby? Well, sorry Good luck with that. Have a pamphlet.

Oh, and if youre having trouble conceiving, like several friends and a sister of mine, be prepared to potentially pay about the price of a new car, because even most insurance companies wont help you much there. Im not advocating for handouts here, but I think it tells you something about a culture when it can be so simple to take a child out of this world and so difficult to put one into it.

Try Embracing Children for a Change

Now, just for the record, this post is not meant to criticize anyone for not having more children than they already have. This is also not a finger-pointing post telling everyone that my kids can behave like Tasmanian devils if they want, and you have no right to object. This is my attempt at food for thought.

Rather than assuming that we would be better off without children in our everyday lives, what if we embraced them as the wild and beautiful little people that they are?

Currently, our cultures view of children seems to be that theyre okay if theyre planned, and if you only have two or three at most. Theyre okay if they are kept out of peoples hair, and if they are mostly seen and not heard by the general public. But heaven forbid that they be a little noisy or rambunctious, or that there be too many of them, or that they come at the wrong time. Politicians and social commentators may talk big about doing things for the children, but what many of them seem to mean is for the children who are wanted and whose parents follow the unwritten rules of society. Is this the kind of treatment these little people deserve?

What would our culture look like if we started placing more value on children? Yes, they are messy, noisy, inconvenientall that. But they are also playful. They are friendly. They are curious. They are refreshingly honest. They are adventurous. They are imaginative. They are passionate.

In short, they are everything I think we all are at heart, but in the process of conforming to our normalized, sterilized adult world, we can sometimes forget the magic of childhood, the call to have adventures, learn new things, forget our inhibitions, live life to the fullest. And even when they are difficult, children are often a reminder of how we all would be if we could get away with it. Their behavior can provide insight into our own character flaws when we realize that our thoughts or behaviors are exactly the same as theirs, just in a more adult scenario. Thats what my kids often show me, anyway.

So rather than assuming that we would be better off without children in our everyday lives, what if we embraced them as the wild and beautiful little people that they are? Even if we dont feel a desire to have children of our own, what if we looked at the bearing and rearing of children as a normal and important part of life, instead of a task only suitable for the crazy people who would willingly give up their freedom for little bundles of trouble? Would we show a little more support for those who dedicate a major portion of their lives to bringing up the next generation?

Even if we dont feel a desire to have children of our own, what if we looked at the bearing and rearing of children as a normal and important part of life?

Instead of a sideways glance and a whisper, would we perhaps give that overwhelmed mother a helping hand with her groceries? (Trader Joes gets five stars on this point, by the way.) Would we give that sleep-deprived father a word of encouragement rather than an elbow jab and a, You do know what causes that, right? Or that couple in the process of adoption a check, instead of mutterings about how much kids cost? Or that pregnant teenager some love and shelter, instead of a ride to the abortion clinic?

Forty-two years ago last month, the law of the land ruled that certain reproductive rights were of greater value than the lives of the tiny human beings we all once were. And rather than supporting the couples who choose to use their reproductive capabilities to bring life into the world, our culture tends to ridicule and shun them for causing public inconvenience (especially those who reproduce more abundantly). Apparently we fail to understand a simple truth that a grocery chain gets right: children matter . I hope this year we can begin to see that the lives and the presence of all children have value. These little ones may yet help us to learn and grow in ways we never imaginedwhether they may be a three-year-old toddling behind her big sisters with a little red grocery cart, or a tiny, fragile person with little more than a heartbeat, who just hasnt had the chance to grow up yet.

http://thefederalist.com/2015/02/03/people-nowadays-believe-children-should-be-neither-seen-nor-heard/


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Nona62
Professor Silent
link   seeder  Nona62    9 years ago

Now, just for the record, this post is not meant to criticize anyone for not having more children than they already have. This is also not a finger-pointing post telling everyone that my kids can behave like Tasmanian devils if they want, and you have no right to object

 
 
 
jennilee
Freshman Silent
link   jennilee    9 years ago
I dont believe they should be not seen and not heard, but a bit more well mannered would be great. But when a large number of parents can't be bothered to put their phone down in public and mind their kids, I guess it may be too much to ask.
 
 
 
Nona62
Professor Silent
link   seeder  Nona62    9 years ago

Kids are kids, but parents should pay attention to their children . If the children are running amuck in a restaurant or store, thatis not acceptable, the parents should know that, and not allow it.

 
 
 
Nona62
Professor Silent
link   seeder  Nona62    9 years ago

I agree! What's more important a phone call or a text message or your child???

 
 
 
1stwarrior
Professor Participates
link   1stwarrior    9 years ago

Actually, I agree. I think they all should be placed in a faraway land between the ages of 3 to 17 and then allowed back into the family. Only way to keep sanity - and to prevent murder.Grin.gif

"recent Roe vs Wade"????? How old is this story?

 
 
 
Buzz of the Orient
Professor Expert
link   Buzz of the Orient    9 years ago

They're usually neither seen nor heard because they're too busy in their rooms playing video and computer games.

 
 
 
Nona62
Professor Silent
link   seeder  Nona62    9 years ago

The parents or the children?? j/k They're usually neither seen nor heard because they're too busy in their rooms playing video and computer games That's not good either...

 
 
 
Nona62
Professor Silent
link   seeder  Nona62    9 years ago

I was brought withthe belief that children should be seen and no heard,which is stupid!

Parents need to pay more attention to what their children are doing.

 
 
 
Perrie Halpern R.A.
Professor Expert
link   Perrie Halpern R.A.    9 years ago

I had twins. They went everywhere with me till they started kindergarten. If they were in a foul mood, I didn't go out. When we did go out, they knew how to behave. If they started to act out in public, they were taken home, no matter how inconvenient it was to me, or the hubby, and they were told why they were going home. When they got home, to their rooms they went... and no toys were in their rooms.

I never had to hit them. I never yelled. I just followed through on anything I told them I was going to do if they didn't know how to act in the civilized world. They usually rose to the occasion, until the teen years. Then they just became sour teens, like all teens that were stuck with mom and dad.

Children do belong in public or they will never learn how to be in public. It is up to the parents to know the limitations. You don't behave the same way in a restaurant, as you do at the Bronx Zoo.

BTW, the lady in Trader Joes, was a sour puss. Those carriages are provided for the entertainment of children... she just threw a fit like one.

 
 
 
Dowser
Sophomore Quiet
link   Dowser    9 years ago

I was sure grateful for those mini carts, not that long ago. My son was 3 years old when I came home from the hospital after a heart attack and by pass surgery. The first time we went to the grocery, I drove there, got out, walked in, sat down, and turned around and went back home. I had spent all my strength just getting there. The next time, I got in a was able to walk around a little bit, but couldn't carry anything. He carried my purse for me.

Then, I got the idea that I could at least get bread and milk, and he could put it in his little cart-- so that's what we did. I went to the store every day, and Matthew pushed his little cart and we could get bread and milk and cereal, or a coke, a tossed salad, and something else... He diligently pushed and was SUCH a help. I couldn't have made it without him. The grocery guy carried it out to the car for me, and I held Matthew's hand as we crept out to the car... By the time we got back home, I was exhausted!

People are just mean, you know? That older woman should have been thumped.

Also, my child behaved in a restaurant, or he and I left and sat outside the restaurant until he could behave. He only had one meltdown while in a restaurant, and I took him outside. We sat on the sidewalk while he screamed and roared, and I told him, as soon as you can behave, we'll go back in and eat our dinner. Until then, you're not ruining everyone else's dinner. We'll wait here. He calmed down and I got there just as my husband was finishing up. He never did it again. He was always pretty good. I guess I was lucky.

 
 
 
Dowser
Sophomore Quiet
link   Dowser    9 years ago

Well, unless they can be VERY well behaved, I agree with you.

And unless the patrons are well behaved, as well. I would still not take my son to Hooter's. Grin.gif

 
 
 
Dowser
Sophomore Quiet
link   Dowser    9 years ago

24.gif 24.gif 24.gif 24.gif 24.gif

of course!

 
 
 
Perrie Halpern R.A.
Professor Expert
link   Perrie Halpern R.A.    9 years ago

LMAO!

 
 
 
Perrie Halpern R.A.
Professor Expert
link   Perrie Halpern R.A.    9 years ago

Also, my child behaved in a restaurant, or he and I left and sat outside the restaurant until he could behave. He only had one meltdown while in a restaurant, and I took him outside. We sat on the sidewalk while he screamed and roared, and I told him, as soon as you can behave, we'll go back in and eat our dinner. Until then, you're not ruining everyone else's dinner. We'll wait here. He calmed down and I got there just as my husband was finishing up. He never did it again. He was always pretty good. I guess I was lucky.

No not luck, good parenting! Kids are always testing boundaries and it is up to us as parents to set them and then follow through.

I better shut up... I've been unusually vocal on Nona's threads these days.

 
 
 
Nona62
Professor Silent
link   seeder  Nona62    9 years ago

If we decide to go out for a quiet dinner, we usually choose an upscale place where there won't be children. other than that we go to family type places, we know children will. If a child gets too out of control, I just give one of the parents...that look!! I must say, my daughters were prettywell behaved in restaurants, if they didn't calm down, we left..period. After a few times, they knew we meant business, so they pretty much behaved like "humans" when we were out in public. I can remember a few times , my oldest daughter would go off to read some magazines while I was paying for the groceries, I would finish and tell her I was done, and we were going..she would insist she HAD to read 1 more page, I would tell her NO, I'm going..so I would walk out to the car, start it up, she would just stand ther and look at me as if to say "Right, you're really going to leave me"...I put the car in gear and slowly started to drive off, she would come running after the care screaming "MOMMY STOP" I would go just a couple more feet and then stop. she would get in the car crying her eyes out! After about the second time of going through the same scenario, she learned that when I said let's go , I meant it! (she was NEVER out of my sight).

 
 
 
Perrie Halpern R.A.
Professor Expert
link   Perrie Halpern R.A.    9 years ago

LOL... we are the same person.Grin.gif

 
 
 
Nona62
Professor Silent
link   seeder  Nona62    9 years ago

RIGHT!! UH HUH!! PFFT!!

 
 
 
Nona62
Professor Silent
link   seeder  Nona62    9 years ago

LOL Always glad to see you Dear Perrie!!

 
 
 
Nona62
Professor Silent
link   seeder  Nona62    9 years ago

Since I hated to hassle with a rental car on my expense account I ate there twice a day for almost two weeks. LOL Twice a day???

Did you explain to your boss that you were at Hooters??

 
 
 
Nona62
Professor Silent
link   seeder  Nona62    9 years ago

I agree, but....there are restaurants that some adults should never go to...

 
 
 
Nona62
Professor Silent
link   seeder  Nona62    9 years ago

It is up to the parents to know the limitations. You don't behave the same way in a restaurant, as you do at the Bronx Zoo. Exactly,and it soundslike you were one of those parents that would never permit your girls to act like they sere raised by wolves...

 
 
 
Dowser
Sophomore Quiet
link   Dowser    9 years ago

It always annoys me when children ruin my dinner. I'm not going to allow my child to ruin anyone else's... Don't ask me about Grandchildren. If they are not Matthew's children, I doubt I can do anything...

 
 
 
Nona62
Professor Silent
link   seeder  Nona62    9 years ago

LOL You're not the only person that has thought that...Smile.gif

 
 
 
Nona62
Professor Silent
link   seeder  Nona62    9 years ago

Oh...gotcha...

 
 
 
Nona62
Professor Silent
link   seeder  Nona62    9 years ago

That's why if we feel like having a nice quiet dinner out we go to an upscalerestaurant, where we know there will be no children...otherwise we go to family type places.

 
 
 
Nona62
Professor Silent
link   seeder  Nona62    9 years ago

When my youngest daughter and herHubby Fostered their (now adopted)3 daughters, (biological sisters)those girls were like Tazmanian Devils! The first time they ever entered my house, they were into all of the closets, drawers and everything,. I immediately sat them all down at the kitchen table and told them under no circumstances are they to EVER to do that at anyone's house. Their biological mother (?) obviously paid no attention to them at all. (part of the reason they were taken away from her) they just didn't know any better..how sad is that...Now, they say please thank you, thanks to my daughter and her hubby. They now are "human." I love them to no end. Unsupervised kids are no fun for anyone,and it's not fair to the children.

 
 
 
Perrie Halpern R.A.
Professor Expert
link   Perrie Halpern R.A.    9 years ago

I agree, but....there are restaurants that some adults should never go to...

Chucky Cheese?Grin.gif

 
 
 
Nona62
Professor Silent
link   seeder  Nona62    9 years ago

Minus booze of course Of course!Smile.gif

 
 
 
Nona62
Professor Silent
link   seeder  Nona62    9 years ago

I took my girls her ONCE......

 
 
 
Nona62
Professor Silent
link   seeder  Nona62    9 years ago

I have never heard of Dave and Busters...what is it?

 
 
 
Nona62
Professor Silent
link   seeder  Nona62    9 years ago

In other words a torture chamber for adults!

 
 
 
Nona62
Professor Silent
link   seeder  Nona62    9 years ago

MM...I'm sure it is. the only pizza I eat is from my cousin's Pizzeria...magnifico!!!

 
 
 
Nona62
Professor Silent
link   seeder  Nona62    9 years ago

As far as I'm concerned, if it's authentic Italian food (no matter what part of Italy) IT'S GOOD!!

 
 
 
Nona62
Professor Silent
link   seeder  Nona62    9 years ago

Yup...sugar and oregano!! I've never tasted fry bread, but I have a recipe for it from someone here at NT, but haven't made it yet. (I can't remember who gave me the recipe)...fore head smack! It sounds good though...

 
 
 
Nona62
Professor Silent
link   seeder  Nona62    9 years ago

YUMMM Sounds good!!

 
 
 
Dowser
Sophomore Quiet
link   Dowser    9 years ago

No, it isn't fair to the kids. Or to the other patrons. It's a shame that we have all seen incidents happen...

 
 
 
Miss_Construed
Freshman Silent
link   Miss_Construed    9 years ago

Dave and Busters at least has a bar, sports TV's, pooltables and bar style games. And the video games are more adult games... I would actually not take children there.

 
 
 
Nigel Dogberry
Freshman Silent
link   Nigel Dogberry    9 years ago

Good article. Our house rule: When 9 PM rolls around, kids vanish to their room and they are not to be seen or heard. After 9 is for mom and dad to be together and have time for themselves. The kids can stay awake, read, play, go to sleep - it doesn't matter. They had mom and dad all day, after 9 is mom and dad's time together.

Yeah, kids are kids and they are fun, but not always. They are not intentionally trying to ruin your day, they are just being kids.

 
 
 
Nona62
Professor Silent
link   seeder  Nona62    9 years ago

Good rule,,why didn't I think of that?????

 
 
 
Nona62
Professor Silent
link   seeder  Nona62    9 years ago

Miss...I've never even heard of Dave and Busters,are they only in the west coast?

 
 
 
jennilee
Freshman Silent
link   jennilee    9 years ago
Great rule. Our son was always in bed asleep by 9 when he was young. Parents definitely need some time to have an adult conversation and enjoy each others company without little ones needing attention.
 
 
 
Nona62
Professor Silent
link   seeder  Nona62    9 years ago

Parents definitely need some time to have an adult conversation and enjoy each others company without little ones needing attention. That's for sure!!

 
 
 
Nona62
Professor Silent
link   seeder  Nona62    9 years ago

I can't imagine how difficult it is to be a single Mom. Single Moms deserve a special Holiday or SOMETHING.

 
 
 
Nona62
Professor Silent
link   seeder  Nona62    9 years ago

I'm serious...raising children is one of the hardest jobs in the world, and I can't imagine doing it alone..

 
 
 
Nona62
Professor Silent
link   seeder  Nona62    9 years ago

And I'm sure you're children turned out to be wonderful people.

 
 
 
Nona62
Professor Silent
link   seeder  Nona62    9 years ago

RW...please don't tell methat both of our children Walked On....

 
 
 
Nona62
Professor Silent
link   seeder  Nona62    9 years ago

OMG RWE...I knew abut you son, but I didn't know about your daughter..I'm so sorry to hear that.....(((Raven Wing)))

 
 
 
Nona62
Professor Silent
link   seeder  Nona62    9 years ago

I agree, 100%

 
 
 
Nona62
Professor Silent
link   seeder  Nona62    9 years ago

I found, that when my daughtersdid that when they were small, turning and walking away worked. (but, I made sure I kept on eye on themfrom afar for their safety)

 
 

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